Sur YouTube, Le thème « chasteté » analysé en profondeur

Le thème « chasteté » en vidéo par Augustine Institute

Sur YouTube, publié par Augustine Institute est destinée aux passionnés du thème «chasteté ».

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Nous retranscrivons ici la durée (00:31:58s), le titre (Jason Evert on Catholic Chastity « There is no other virtue today under more assault than the virtue of chastity. Dr. Tim Gray’s guest Jason Evert gives insight into how we can recover chastity in an age of culture filled with lust. In a world saturated with impure messages, young people are deeply craving the message of authentic chastity and love. Dr. Gray and Jason discuss receiving the gift of chastity, living a chaste life, and healing from sexual wounds. Jason also provides resources for parents and those seeking help from addiction.

The Augustine Institute Show with Dr. Tim Gray is an exciting new, weekly Catholic talk show that brings the truth and beauty of the Gospel to Catholics all over the world. Premiering live every Tuesday at 7 p.m. EST, this exciting initiative is the most recent addition to the Augustine Institute’s robust and innovative programming, which aims to help Catholics understand, live, and share their faith.

Each show will feature our host, Dr. Tim Gray, and a special guest who will discuss topics relating to a Catholic lifestyle. You’ll be invited to submit questions and comments in real time, while you learn about everything from mental health to fasting, from a Catholic perspective.

About the Guest:
Jason Evert has spoken about the virtue of chastity on six continents to more than one million people, including World Youth Days in Australia, Spain, Poland, and Panama. Jason and his wife, Crystalina, are the authors of more than fifteen books, including How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul and the curriculum YOU: Life, Love, and the Theology of the Body.

►This new show is available to watch live on FORMED at https://bit.ly/3c9p8QO
►If you are new to FORMED, sign up for a free 7-day trial at https://bit.ly/3fFESx7.
►To find out if your parish already has a subscription to FORMED, visit https://formed.org/signup.

For more information about The Augustine Institute Show with Dr. Tim Gray, including a schedule of upcoming guests, please visit show.augustineinstitute.org. ».

Le player de la vidéo est situé juste en dessous

Quel est le guide pour choisir la taille juste d’une cage de chasteté ?

En utilisant une ceinture de chasteté, il est crucial de prendre des précautions appropriées. Pour éviter les infections, il est essentiel de maintenir une hygiène rigoureuse. Il est nécessaire de retirer la cage de temps en temps pour inspecter l’état de la peau et effectuer un nettoyage intégral. Pour que la pratique se déroule bien, il est important de discuter avec le coach, dont l’expérience permet d’anticiper les changements.

Pourquoi envisager de porter une ceinture ou une cage de chasteté ?

On peut porter une ceinture de chasteté pour plusieurs motifs. Pour certains, la ceinture de chasteté permet de maîtriser la sexualité masculine en augmentant la discipline (érection, masturbation, etc.). Elle peut aussi jouer un rôle d’accessoire d’excitation dans le cadre de relations sexuelles de domination. Pour d’autres, c’est un outil qui permet de renforcer la fidélité au sein du couple, en rendant l’infidélité physique impossible. Elle est parfois perçue comme un jeu ou un défi où la contrainte et la patience amplifient l’excitation et le désir.

En quoi consiste le fonctionnement d’une cage de chasteté ?

Une cage de chasteté fonctionne de manière assez simple, reposant sur un principe de confinement sécurisé. Les étapes pour installer une cage de chasteté : La première étape consiste à mettre l’anneau de base autour de la base du pénis, en le plaçant derrière les testicules. On positionne ensuite le tube sur le pénis avant de l’insérer dans la cage. Comment sécuriser : Lorsque le tube est en place, les tiges de connexion sont insérées pour unir l’anneau de base à la cage. Le verrou permet ensuite de verrouiller le dispositif. Le verrouillage avec le verrou permet à la cage d’exercer son rôle de prison, empêchant son retrait à moins que la clé ne soit utilisée.

Comment la pratique de la chasteté influence-t-elle la dynamique d’une relation de couple ?

La pratique de la chasteté peut moduler de façon importante la dynamique relationnelle. La chasteté favorise la découverte de nouvelles formes d’intimité, renforçant ainsi la confiance et la communication entre partenaires. Pour certains, elle transforme la sexualité en un terrain plus vaste et créatif, tout en augmentant la complicité et l’excitation. Lorsque la chasteté est bien administrée, elle peut se révéler être un outil efficace pour solidifier les liens et découvrir des aspects inédits de la relation.

Quels sont les avantages de la chasteté?

La chasteté, lorsqu’elle est soutenue par des dispositifs comme les cages de chasteté, procure des avantages personnels et relationnels. Grâce à la pratique de la chasteté, on peut accroître son autodiscipline et se concentrer sur des aspects plus importants de la vie. En augmentant l’anticipation, la chasteté peut rendre les instants d’intimité encore plus passionnés. Au niveau du couple, la chasteté peut renforcer la communication et la complicité. En privilégiant les formes d’affection non sexuelles, les partenaires peuvent redécouvrir d’autres façons de se connecter émotionnellement pour enrichir leur relation.

La chasteté et l’homme : découvrez le parcours.

La chasteté masculine est un phénomène assez commun. De nos jours, la chasteté est souvent gardée secrète. Une section entière est consacrée à l’étude de la chasteté de l’homme sur cette page qui traite de la chasteté de l’homme. Ce qui masque le fait que beaucoup d’hommes portent une cage de chasteté. Sous ses vêtements, l’homme porte un dispositif qui contraint son sexe. Cela bloque toute tentative de masturbation. Un coach prend le contrôle de ses actes sexuels, remplaçant ses impulsions animales. L’absence d’accessoire de chasteté amène l’homme à se masturber facilement. Cela est un comportement naturel. L’excitation est un état permanent pour l’homme dans le monde moderne. Bien qu’il se concentre, l’homme est constamment exposé aux sollicitations publicitaires, cinématographiques, musicales et autres. La seule solution pour lui est de se soumettre volontairement à une autorité supérieure qui prend le contrôle de son sexe et de la rétention de sa semence. La chasteté joue un rôle essentiel dans l’amélioration des performances et de la réussite masculine. Qu’il s’agisse d’un étudiant, d’un sportif ou d’un cadre, la contrainte des organes génitaux dans un accessoire génère un état psychologique différent de celui provoqué par la masturbation libre ou une sexualité sans limite.

Quels sont les différents composants d’une cage de chasteté ?

Une cage de chasteté est un mécanisme destiné à limiter l’accès au pénis, souvent utilisé dans des pratiques de contrôle du plaisir sexuel ou pour augmenter la discipline personnelle. Voici les éléments principaux qui composent une cage de chasteté : Le tube, aussi nommé cage, représente la partie principale du dispositif. Le pénis est contenu dans cette partie du tube. Le tube est habituellement fabriqué pour épouser la forme du pénis au repos, offrant un maintien à la fois confortable et restrictif. Les tubes peuvent être fabriqués en acier, plastique ou silicone, chaque matériau offrant des avantages différents en matière de qualité, confort, sécurité et hygiène. L’anneau de base constitue un élément crucial du système. Il s’enroule autour de la base du pénis et se place derrière les testicules. Il est connecté au tube, garantissant que la cage reste fixée et empêchant tout retrait non autorisé. Les anneaux sont proposés en plusieurs tailles afin de s’adapter confortablement à l’utilisateur, sans être trop serrés. Le verrou sert à maintenir la cage solidement sur l’anneau de base. Il existe une gamme de verrous, des cadenas métalliques aux dispositifs de verrouillage en plastique. Lorsque le verrou est en place, le dispositif ne peut être retiré sans la clé, garantissant que l’utilisateur reste en état de chasteté. Les tiges de connexion, parfois désignées comme espaçeurs, servent à relier l’anneau de base au tube. Elles permettent d’ajuster la distance entre l’anneau et la cage, offrant ainsi un ajustement personnalisé pour plus de confort. Les tiges sont disponibles dans différentes longueurs pour un ajustement précis en fonction de la morphologie de l’utilisateur. Il est important de mesurer plusieurs paramètres, tels que la longueur de la verge et les diamètres de la base du pénis et de la verge. Des ailettes anti-recul, ou petites extensions internes, sont intégrées dans certaines cages de chasteté pour éviter tout mouvement arrière du pénis. En rendant le retrait plus difficile, cette fonctionnalité accroît la sécurité globale du dispositif.

L’utilisation et le port de la cage de chasteté :

Lorsque la cage de chasteté est mise en place, elle empêche l’érection complète et limite l’accès au pénis. Cela aide à réguler l’activité sexuelle, que l’on soit seul ou avec un partenaire. Pendant le port de la cage, garder une bonne hygiène est fondamental. La majorité des cages permettent la miction sans avoir à enlever le dispositif, mais il est essentiel de procéder à un nettoyage régulier pour prévenir les irritations ou infections. Le retrait de la cage se fait exclusivement à l’aide de la clé, en déverrouillant le dispositif et en retirant l’anneau de base ainsi que le tube. Après chaque période prolongée de port, il est recommandé de vérifier l’état de la peau et de la circulation sanguine. Un dispositif complexe, la cage de chasteté est néanmoins très efficace pour ceux qui souhaitent pratiquer la chasteté. En comprenant bien ses différentes parties et en l’utilisant correctement, on peut intégrer cette pratique de façon sûre et confortable dans sa vie personnelle ou en couple.

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Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: [Music] in our post-modern western society today which is very secular there is probably no virtue that is under more assault that is more despised and hated by the world than the virtue of chastity why is the devil attacking this virtue almost more than any other in our day and in our time and we’ve seen the assault grow since the sexual revolution in the 1960s but it’s reached a fever pitch today in the west and here’s the thing we christians aren’t simply being judgmental about chastity we hold the chastity because we know that without chastity there is no freedom and worse there’s no love how do we recover chastity in an age filled with lost and that is lost from all truth about the human good of sexuality that’s what we’re going to talk about tonight [Music] i’m so excited tonight to be joined by jason everett he’s the foremost speaker in the catholic world i believe on the virtue of chastity jason’s dedicated his life and his ministry for the last two decades to teaching about chastity he’s spoken in six continents to probably over a million uh people live on chastity to high school college and adults and so you know jason i’m so glad you’re with us today and i think a lot of people in our audience want to know how can we find resources and how do we live as christians and how do we even talk about chastity in a culture that really doesn’t want to tolerate any discussion about this virtue does it no it’s not remarkably open as much as they celebrate diversity it’s diversity as long as you agree with us but what i’ve found is people personally tend to be remarkably open to it what i find in the schools they’re actually hungry for it and we’ve been speaking to 20 years and we’ve never had one disrespectful audience inner city public high schools to me they’re starving for this stuff but like i think steve jobs said people don’t know what they want until you show it to them and so first you got to show them the link between chastity and real love then they realize that it’s what they wanted all along that link is so important jason you know and i think a lot of people in the world today are cynical about chastity in fact i think a lot of people in the public discourse don’t even know what chastity is or that it is a virtue but you talk about how young people are hungry for there obviously is a hunger for them to find authentic chastity why do you think that is well because they’ve been gorging on the counterfeit which is lust and that’s just not going to satisfy you it’s i mean lust isn’t like just what we ought not do i mean love isn’t who we are because if we’re made in the image and likeness of god who’s loved than to live in any other way is acting against our own nature and that’s why it never satisfies and so i remember one high school boy he said me chasing y’all i go home from school on friday and i watched 12 hours of pornography on saturday then on sunday i wake up and i watch 12 more hours of pornography on sunday and i come back to school on monday that’s my weekend he said i don’t even enjoy it anymore it’s kind of disgusting but i don’t know how to live without it like you’d think these kids are jaded but they’re remarkably receptive to wanting to find a better path of authentic freedom instead of you know bondage and slavery to their hormones yeah you use the term uh slavery and i think that’s an important one for people to understand you know saint paul in romans 8 talked about how slavery comes out of sin that if we live in the habits of sin we become slaves but there’s probably few things that are more enslaving and addicting than pornography why don’t we talk about how uh pronoun how pornography robs people of their freedom yeah i want sort of definition of freedom that intrigued me it was that freedom is not the ability to do whatever you want to do it said freedom is the ability to do what you do not want to do in order to do what is good it was a really interesting twist on it that if i can’t say no to my sexual impulses i mean my yes really means nothing and so it promises us this satisfaction distraction and pleasure and oh it’s not a big deal nobody’s getting hurt it’s like a victimless crime but then when it’s all said and done it’s this ever diminishing rewards with an ever greater greater craving so the more you look at the more you want the less you’re satisfied and so it’s just that this downward spiral that people get sucked into and they don’t know how to break free and then it becomes disastrous to their marriage it impairs their ability even to find their vocation and if the pure and heart can see god then their whole faith begins to erode as well not only faith in god but faith in themselves and marriage and love and so this is not some victimless crime i think this is robbing more people of their vocations than anything when i get emails constantly from beautiful young adult single catholic women ready to get started on their vocations and they can’t find anybody they’re telling me jason like even in the catholic young adult circles i’ll go on two dates with a guy and then it comes out he looks at porn and he wants to date me and they’d say look i tell the guy look you can’t ask me to commit to you when you’re not even ready to be faithful to me and so it’s emasculating men and making them a feminized you know all over the globe and i think the women often are the ones who suffer the most for this because they want to get started on their vocations and it’s not that only guys look at pornography you know lust is a human problem but man it’s causing a mess when it comes to finding real love you know jason you mentioned two things there that i think people oftentimes don’t connect but i think they’re very connected as you said and that is first off freedom that that the loss of chastity means a loss of freedom but the other casualty when we lose our freedom is we lose the capacity to love and i think that’s exactly what you’re talking about in this example uh that you know this young man is addicted to pornography and you know the the girl in that story has the wisdom now no he’s not free to love me right that’s that’s that’s so sad yeah i mean because you can’t give what you don’t possess and if i don’t have self mastery i can’t make a gift of myself and so chastity i mean it frees you to know if you’re really being loved because if a person is not willing to get rid of that stuff to be with you they don’t love you but then it also frees you to love rightly i love when john paul ii talks about purity because he talked about like with adam and eve that adam was able to give eve all the piece of the interior gaze meaning when he looked at her body he didn’t look at her something to be used for his gratification and as a result of his holiness he was able to have this ability to look rightly upon her body with love whereas when lust creeps into the picture a woman can perceive that not not just like from in the bedroom like a woman can perceive it a football field away if a guy’s looking at a wrong way it creates this this restlessness this vulnerability even this resentment where it’s only through purity that the human becomes capable of authentic intimacy and that’s why when married couples like the guy’s like let’s bring porn in the bedroom and spice things up it’s like no i mean if you have to look to another for satisfaction it creates a wound of sexual betrayal and trauma to your spouse that you don’t even know how to look at it rightly i remember one college guy saying like uh you know being challenged about looking at porn being in college don’t you think that could be a problem in your marriage and he said why would that be a problem in marriage like isn’t that what a wife is for it’s like oh well actually not you know marriage isn’t really the fulfillment of porn horns the distortion of real love yeah it is a distortion it reminds me what uh saint john paul ii he mentioned he talked about using versus loving and that’s a concept people need to get their minds around today isn’t it oh absolutely you know and it’s not that it’s going only one way either you know it’s not like all the bad guys or the guys are bad and the girls are just helpless victims i mean you know whereas maybe a guy is trying to give some girl emotional pleasure for the sake of getting physical pleasure and she’ll give him sex for the sake of feeling love i mean the using is going back and forth i mean when a girl sends a guy a sexual picture on the cell phone it’s not only him that’s using her it’s it’s her in a sense using him whether it’s for social status or just for the satisfaction of the feeling of being wanted and desired when you don’t even want yourself half the time and so we’ve got to be able to rise above this culture of utilitarianism to love each other rightly which is what we really long for and what they found is like for at least teenagers teenagers who have had sex it’s like 70 of them admit they wish they waited longer it was kind of a disappointment and most high school kids are virgins which tells you the vast majority of young people are statistically quite open to this message of starting over even if they’ve made mistakes you know jc mission you know lust is easy but virtue is acquired right it’s something we have to do and we can do it how do you give hope to youth when you talk about virtue the virtue of chastity how do they start on that path so they can acquire that strength that gives them freedom yeah i mean one of the things that point out with the guys like one of the most important things the high school students like in college dudes like you got to surround yourself with good friends you know a friend of mine says like friends are like elevators they either take you up or they take you down yeah and if you’re hanging around the wrong group of guys then their sins become apparent you’re like ah guys are really doing some bad stuff so i’m doing pretty good here but then when you surround yourself with godly men godly women you don’t really look at their sins and their faults you start to look at your own it’s almost like playing a sport with people who are five years less experienced than you are you’re not gonna make a lot of progress you start playing with people or a couple divisions ahead of you in sports and you up your game pretty darn fast just to keep up it’s the same thing with the life of virtue you want to surround yourself with good people because you always become like your friends and so you know virtue is just a habit of practicing a good and so yeah it might feel a little clunky at first you might feel like this is really hard but it’s like two magnets when they’re really close together it’s hard to separate them but the more you create a distance it’s like okay this is doable and so just pouring in the constellation like it’s not always going to be this hard to pull away from these vices if that initial separation from them that’s the most difficult and yeah you know temptation is still going to remain but you’re going to able to move around the world with greater freedom as you break free and god gives you this gift but i think that’s a gift not a white knuckling repression kind of thing it’s a gift from god and if we really want it he’ll bless us with that well jason i think that’s such an important point that a lot of young people don’t realize and that is you know when they struggle with chastity early on it’s not always going to be this hard the more you practice it the easier it gets and so it gets easier i think some people like if it’s going to be this hard you know the first day they’re trying to break from porn if it’s going to be this hard every day of my life i can’t do it i give up but it’s not going to be and that’s important for people to know but let me give everybody the text line if i want to invite the audience to submit your questions uh to jason and me make sure uh you can use our text line or you can use the form platform but if you use the text line that is six five zero zero one hundred and you just you know uh text your question uh and we want you to become part of the conversation and you can also leave questions on the chat part of the forum platform under comments and you can just put any kind of questions for us we’d love to have you join our conversation well jason what where do you see hope right now when it comes to this you know our culture is just so enmeshed and lost in pornography where’s the hope for us right now i think the young people are um i i have tremendous confidence in them because even if they’ve been binging themselves on the wrong kind of love i know it’s not going to satisfy and eventually there’s going to be a boomerang i mean this pendulum of the sexual revolution i feel like it’s pretty much reached it’s fine yeah it’s getting crazy it’s probably going to get a little crazier but all this stuff i think is going to be coming swinging back in the right direction and i think the church needs to be ready almost like a field hospital on a battlefield to be able to tend to these people who are seeking healing from pornographic addiction and the sexual abuse that often flows from that and so i think there’s a lot of hope i know you might not see it on the on the news but that’s because the news shows us what we watch and what we watch is all the bad stuff i mean news is a business you know i remember seeing on one of the news apps that i had said the top 10 news stories of 2020 or whatever i clicked and like nine out of 10 of them were like murder theft adultery you know you know all the negative stuff and it’s not because those are the objectively most important topics but that’s what we’re clicking on so it’s not that we watch what they show us they show us what we watch and so we need to be careful to unplug a little bit to realize hey what i’m seeing on the on the screens might not be reflective of reality and the very fact is like teen sexual activity rates have been going down for 30 years in a row and it’s the lowest numbers they’ve ever seen this past summer the vast majority of high school students are virgins and those who’ve had sex admit they wish they waited longer so in the midst of all the bad news there’s a lot of good news as well young people want authentic love because the hook-up culture is not satisfying yeah here’s a single mother who asked jason you know how as a single mother should she talk to or uh her son about pornography well you know one of the things one of the benefits in the sense of being a single parent is that you’re not asking your kid to follow a lifestyle that you yourself are not willing to follow is the standard of innocence for 35 year old woman is the same for a 15 year old guy perfect because the heavenly father is perfect now ultimately though men learn manhood from men and so try to put him in the presence of authentic men whether it’s a really good pastor good youth minister good grandpa good uncle to have him in the company of good men if you can get him involved in a good youth group something like that it’s really important in terms of pornography uh we get approached a lot by guys saying hey look i’ve been struggling this for years i don’t know how to break free what do i do and so matt frad and i recently came out with a book called forged and it’s a 33 day program on how to break free from pornography and every day of the book you’re going to get a free video on your phone from myself father mike schmitz jeff cavins uh father jacques philippe sister miriam james like every day a different person talked about not just from like theological and spiritual but from the neurological from the psychological the sociological we’ve got psychologists on there and theologians and husbands and wife and everybody kind of pouring their wisdom into this program every day for 33 days it’s going to give you a different weapon to break free from this so i’d recommend getting the book forged and just challenge him to do this in the meantime make sure you have those computers and phones locked down covenant eyes.com is very good for doing that just go to covenanteyes.com put in some screen based filters on the macbooks the pcs the iphone the droid whatever he’s got you’ve got to have that thing locked down and then also choke check out focus on the family’s website pluggedin.com that will give you movie television video game and music reviews and so if you ask hey can we get grand theft auto can i watch game of thrones you’re like no that’s porn here’s why and so plugged in dot com coveted eyes.com and then our website chastity.com but good on you don’t be afraid to talk to your kid about this stuff i know it might be a little awkward or whatever man if you don’t speak the world is going to fill the void of your silence with a very contrary message so be bold don’t be afraid great response jason i got bless her for that and i think that and there’s there’s these resources are i don’t think any mother or father for that matter needs to be shy about dealing with pornography because every kid’s going to be exposed to it and it doesn’t matter if you’re i i know you know people think well if i’m homeschooled and i’m a catholic homeschooling family we only hang out with homeschooling families you’re not inoculated your kids are going to encounter other kids and with the smartphones it’s ubiquitous it’s everywhere it’s everywhere and you can start early there’s a book called good pictures bad pictures that you could read to your kid and it basically explains them hey there’s some good pictures on the internet and there’s some not so good ones some pictures even show people show parts of their body that should be covered up with a bathing suit and if you see one of those pictures here’s what to do turn away your eyes close the computer come talk to mom and dad you’re not in trouble in fact we’re the ones who are sorry that we didn’t do a better job of protecting you from that that way they have the game plan before they see the garbage instead of being like oh my goodness what is that and getting sucked into this life of shame and isolation and addiction and so you have to have a bit of an inoculation a preventative strike of letting them know this stuff is out there and if and when they do see it here’s how to respond here’s how to react you’re not in trouble or on your team let’s you know defend love from lust jason i think a lot of people um we know a lot more about pornography now we did than we did 30 years ago and especially with video it’s far more addictive than people ever thought pornography would be especially with it it’s accessibility so warning kids that um that this is this is deeply addicting and it’s not about how strong you are it just it’s addictive and it’s how strong and powerful this stuff is and how important it is and i think that’s that idea of warning children about that is important here’s a here’s a wife who asks my husband thinks that pornography is harmless how do i approach this topic with him well one thing i would do is make sure to check out the website bloom for catholic women i think it’s bloom for catholicwomen.com.org this is a catholic website specifically for wives who are struggling with this stuff in their marriages because this is a wound of sexual betrayal the very fact they say well i’m not actually doing it it’s like really is that what we were promising on the altar when we got married i promise be true to you uh uh and be faithful except with my eyeballs and my heart and my imagination just just arrested me like is it the fidelity of the person or just fidelity of a couple of body parts here so now i would tell him just this is breaking your heart and and to pray for him to fast for him maybe call up some local convent of nuns give them his first name and say could you please pray for my husband that he could be delivered from this and the website bloom for catholic women will give you some conversational tips some net networking some fellowship to validate your feelings of being betrayed because a lot of guys oh you’re just being upside you’re being approved i’m not actually doing it other husbands are doing a lot of worse things than i am but it’s like look when a man turns to another woman for satisfaction it cuts her deeply to the core and she starts saying okay am i not skinny enough how do i compete with these women it’s like no you can’t compete with them because they can’t compete with each other it’s not like a guy who stays faithful to one pornographic website he doesn’t go anywhere else because he’s so captivating no because it trains him in a habit of mental polygamy where he’s robbing himself of the joy of being captivated by one because he’s staring at all these airbrushed flawless supermodels that are essentially disposable so it’s not your job to keep up with them because like i said they can’t even keep up with themselves you’ve got to be able to explain to this man like look we entered into a marriage and fidelity was part of the deal and this is breaking my heart and for the love of our children because like the dad gets hooked on that stuff i mean it’s blunt but that’s a spiritual vasectomy i mean his capacity to give the supernatural life to his family is severed from him if he can’t even guard his own soul and so ask him like funny for love of me you know can we go to counseling and talk through this together if you feel he’s not hearing you if he does want to go to counseling go to counseling yourself without him you need the comfort you need the reassurance don’t let him gaslight you and minimize your feelings and pretend like you’re the problem because you’re prude you need support you’re on the right track fidelity is not too much to ask you know it seems jason that a lot of people get into this trap of self-deception when it comes to their sexual failings and their their shortcomings with chastity why do you think people um you know like like this woman’s husband why do you think so many people like to minimize well pornography is not really a problem or you know other sexual issues why do you think people like to self-justify and self-deceive themselves well i think whenever we sin we always tend to justify oh it’s not a big deal yeah i did it this weekend but it’s not like i’m doing it every weekend only i did it with her but she consented or yeah i did with her but we didn’t go all the way it’s like no matter what stage of lustre and you always try to look that it’s not that it could be a lot worse yeah we did this but she agreed to it but like when you’re doing something good you don’t make excuses for it it’s not like you’re feeding the homeless with christ in the city downtown and then you’re like well at least i’m not robbing a bank today it’s not that bad it’s like we don’t make excuses if our behavior is good it’s because our conscience is troubling us and so we try to rationalize and justify and it could also be because a lot of times when we don’t understand our sexual unwanted sexual behavior we’re more likely to feel ashamed in it but if we can actually understand where is this craving coming from when am i messing up is it when i’m bored and i’m lonely and i’m angry and i’m stressed and i’m tired well maybe i need to find the right thing to do at those times instead of running to porn or alcohol or whatever it is but then also there’s an evangelical writer named jay stringer and he made a really interesting comment his point was that we’re going about sex addiction recovery all wrong we’re treating it like a person’s desires and fantasies and all that stuff is the problem he said i don’t buy that he said i think that person’s unwanted sexual fantasies and desires that is the road map to their healing because if we sit still long enough just to listen to what is it that i’m craving there am i craving to be looked at am i craving to be seen am i craving to see another am i craving to humiliate a woman to control a woman to be controlled by a woman like what is the legitimate unmet need there that i’m desiring that might have gotten twisted somehow earlier in my life that’s making me desire in this warped way and so he says that by looking at your desires really listening to them not for the sake of just indulging in them but trying to find what is the legitimate unmet need that’s crying out under this unwanted sexual behavior because he says just having an ounce of compassion for your own life story is going to do far more for you than all the coping mechanisms and you know white knuckling strategies in the world and so have a little compassion on yourself try to get to the roots and the triggers of this instead of treating it like lust is the only problem because that’s like cutting the leaves off of weed in your garden don’t get into that root system it’s all just going to sprout back up augustine had a great insight about that when he talked about his own addiction to lost and his own bondage and he talks about how he what he was really seeking was love and union with god and and love of another and and it was hard for him to break from the bonds of loss but once he did he found that freedom that gave him a capacity to love like he never had before and he gave him a joy like he never had before how can people look at love as a motivator to get them free to do the hard arduous effort and work of of becoming chased yeah well it’s the only motivator that’s gonna work guilt shame all that stuff is gonna burn out eventually if that’s what’s motivated you get rid of porn i mean it’ll give you some fuel to burn on but eventually it’s you’re just going to give up there’s in my eyes only one thing stronger than the drive and the temptation of lust and that’s desire to love and i tell guys like look your body will do whatever you want whatever you tell it to i don’t care how tempting that situation is i said for example let’s say you’re sitting in your library in college and you’re on your phone and you’re looking at some pornographic images on snapchat or instagram and then you notice out of the corner your eye is that one sophomore girl that you’ve had your eye on all semester and you’ve been waiting to meet her and now she’s about to walk past you as you’re looking at pointing your cell phone or you’re going to be like oh no the desires are too strong i can’t stop looking no you’re going to be like oh you know back to quantum physics i’m sitting here to be a doctor like man you would your body would do exactly what it told you to do because you had a stronger desire than the desire to lust and that’s the desire to look noble to look honorable to look worthy as a suitor well be that in reality i mean your character is who you are when nobody’s watching and so we’ve got to really look at okay am i one person at church on sunday morning in a different guy’s saturday at night chastity’s about living that authenticity but if we can keep love as the goal like if i don’t get rid of this junk i mean that’s not even an option i mean do you really want to be some like 35 year old porn addicted dad who’s gotta slap your laptop shut when your six-year-old daughter walks in your office because she can’t see what dad’s seeing it’s not the father you want to be so for love of your future bride for love of your future kids trash this junk and because it’s like a dragon standing between you and your vocation you can’t walk around that thing you can’t wait for it to die you can’t be like just poke it a little bit and then go around going it’s just going to follow you into that kingdom and destroy the place you got to cut that thing’s head off walk over its corpse and enter into your vocation and so that’s the main thing you got to slay because don’t have you got no business asking a girl out if you’re still struggling with this stuff not only does it need to be removed the wound needs to get healed it’s like i could stick a sword in you and pull it out back oh the sword’s out you’re good like my my intestines are on the floor like healing has to happen and so remove it find some accountability because not only can you win this you must win this that’s so important well jason we’ve got several questions that have come in that are about uh chastity is there such a thing as chastity after you get married and what does chastity look like in marriage so those are a couple of questions how would you respond to that no it’s a very good question because chastity is a virtue that applies to everybody regardless of their state and life whether you’re priest single person religious married it applies to us obviously differently because chastity prior to marriage would involve confidence and abstinence chastity within marriage does involve abstinence people don’t realize that they know once you get married all bets are off and it’s like not really even within marriage abstinence can be an expression of love whether you’re traveling whether your spouse is exhausted or sick or not interested or whatever like abstinence can still be an expression of love but then also within the context of marital intimacy obviously pornography has no place within chastity and marriage how do we plan our family do we listen to the church when it comes to natural family planning and it’s not that like nfp is the default like we want to get married we’re going to use nfp right away because you know we want to give three or four years to really get to know each other and you know then we’re going to have kids down the road it’s like look you want to get to know each other have kids you’ll get to know each other real good okay and so the default position isn’t nfp the default position is openness to life because children are the supreme gift of marriage but there are circumstances where you might need to postpone the next pregnancy and that the church understands that and god has already built into our bodies the capacity for that and so with nfp it taught me my wife’s body’s perfect she doesn’t need all the pills and drugs and shots she just needs to be understood so instead of suppressing her fertility with all these chemicals to conform to our desires we can form our desires the perfect way our body has already been created so sins like contraception sterilization abortion pornography you know those things would be violations against the virtue of chastity within the sacrament of marriage what do you think keeps people from pursuing chastity you know today most of all i think one of the big ones is that well obviously pornography and things like that but the idea that sexual desire is lust and that as long as they’re experiencing sexual attractions or temptations or desires then they’re always failing god in fact i did a q a session for eight high schools at the same time in canada last week and one of the first questions that came in from the kids was like if i’m physically attracted to somebody’s face is that the sin of lust and it’s like whoa i mean imagine that poor high schooler thinking like his whole life if i’m attracted to someone else’s face it’s like that’s the idea like well if you just get pure enough you’re not gonna have any sexual desires like if you don’t have any sexual desires you’re dead like that’s not holiness that’s like numbness i love what john paul ii said he said that when we grow in purity we come to an ever greater awareness of the gratuitous beauty of the human body and its masculinity and femininity and that beauty becomes a light for our actions and so he’s it’s amazing what he says like you don’t get numb to beauty you become more aware of it and that becomes a light to your actions that the body is an invitation to love not to lust and so i think this misunderstanding that sexual attraction is sin makes a lot of people give up because they experience the sexual attraction okay that that’s a reaction biologically it’s normal but now you have to choose a response and then what lust is is the reduction of a human person to their sexual value whereas with chastity and love it’s realizing yep there is a sexual value there but that personal value is more important than the sexual value jason your explanation of these things are so important for people to hear and i want people to know that uh it’s hard to believe we’re out of time but i want people to be able to go to you and find some of your resources and so i highly recommend that people go to chastity.com which uh jason has set up this website it’s got all of his resources you can find out resources for teens for adults how to deal with pornography and so many other things and so jason you’ve done a phenomenal work for the church by uh your apostolate your mission i hope more people come to hear about it and learn about it because there’s such a great joy and freedom to discover the love that comes when you’re chaste and i hope more and more people can encounter that and experience that and i want to thank you for being with us and sharing uh your wisdom with us tonight so thank you very much and i want to invite our our audience next week we’re going to have dr andrew abella from catholic university of america who heads up the business school there he’s going to talk about catholicism and capitalism a lot of interesting questions have arisen lately about capitalism and what’s the catholic perspective on that tune in next week we’re going to discover and explore that topic and again jason thank you so much for being with us pleasure thanks so much god bless you and god bless all of you who watched i hope that you’ve been edified and strengthened and encouraged by the truth of chastity tonight god bless you [Music] you .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

0.63 [Music]
0.63 in our post-modern western society today
0.63 which is very secular there is probably
0.63 no virtue that is
0.63 under more assault that is more despised
0.63 and hated by the world
0.63 than the virtue of chastity why is the
0.63 devil attacking this virtue
0.63 almost more than any other in our day
0.63 and in our time
0.63 and we&;ve seen the assault grow since
0.63 the sexual revolution in the 1960s but
0.63 it&;s reached a fever pitch
0.63 today in the west and here&;s the thing
0.63 we christians aren&;t simply being
0.63 judgmental about chastity
0.63 we hold the chastity because we know
0.63 that without chastity
0.63 there is no freedom and worse
0.63 there&;s no love how do we recover
0.63 chastity
0.63 in an age filled with lost and that is
0.63 lost from all truth about
0.63 the human good of sexuality that&;s what
0.63 we&;re going to talk about
0.63 tonight
0.63 [Music]
0.63 i&;m so excited tonight to be joined by
0.63 jason everett he&;s the foremost speaker
0.63 in the catholic world i believe
0.63 on the virtue of chastity jason&;s
0.63 dedicated his life
0.63 and his ministry for the last two
0.63 decades to teaching about chastity he&;s
0.63 spoken
0.63 in six continents to probably over a
0.63 million uh
0.63 people live on chastity to high school
0.63 college and adults
0.63 and so you know jason i&;m so glad you&;re
0.63 with us today
0.63 and i think a lot of people in our
0.63 audience want to know
0.63 how can we find resources and how do we
0.63 live as christians and how do we even
0.63 talk about
0.63 chastity in a culture that really
0.63 doesn&;t want to tolerate any discussion
0.63 about this virtue does it
0.63 no it&;s not remarkably open as much as
0.63 they celebrate
0.63 diversity it&;s diversity as long as you
0.63 agree with us but
0.63 what i&;ve found is people personally
0.63 tend to be remarkably open to it what i
0.63 find in the schools they&;re actually
0.63 hungry for it and we&;ve been speaking to
0.63 20 years and we&;ve never had one
0.63 disrespectful audience inner city public
0.63 high schools to me
0.63 they&;re starving for this stuff but like
0.63 i think steve jobs said
0.63 people don&;t know what they want until
0.63 you show it to them and so first you got
0.63 to show them the link between chastity
0.63 and real love
0.63 then they realize that it&;s what they
0.63 wanted all along that link is so
0.63 important jason you know and i think a
0.63 lot of people in the world today
0.63 are cynical about chastity in fact i
0.63 think a lot of people in the
0.63 public discourse don&;t even know what
0.63 chastity is or that it is a virtue
0.63 but you talk about how young people are
0.63 hungry for there obviously is
0.63 a hunger for them to find authentic
0.63 chastity why do you think that is
0.63 well because they&;ve been gorging on the
0.63 counterfeit which is lust
0.63 and that&;s just not going to satisfy you
0.63 it&;s i mean lust isn&;t like
0.63 just what we ought not do i mean love
0.63 isn&;t who we
0.63 are because if we&;re made in the image
0.63 and likeness of god who&;s loved
0.63 than to live in any other way is acting
0.63 against our own nature
0.63 and that&;s why it never satisfies and so
0.63 i remember one high school boy he said
0.63 me chasing y&;all
0.63 i go home from school on friday and i
0.63 watched 12 hours of pornography on
0.63 saturday
0.63 then on sunday i wake up and i watch 12
0.63 more hours of pornography on sunday and
0.63 i come back to school on monday
0.63 that&;s my weekend he said i don&;t even
0.63 enjoy it anymore it&;s kind of disgusting
0.63 but i don&;t know how to live without it
0.63 like you&;d think these kids are jaded
0.63 but they&;re remarkably
0.63 receptive to wanting to find a better
0.63 path of authentic freedom
0.63 instead of you know bondage and slavery
0.63 to their hormones
0.63 yeah you use the term uh slavery and i
0.63 think that&;s an important one for people
0.63 to understand
0.63 you know saint paul in romans 8 talked
0.63 about how slavery
0.63 comes out of sin that if we live in the
0.63 habits of sin we become slaves but
0.63 there&;s probably
0.63 few things that are more enslaving and
0.63 addicting
0.63 than pornography why don&;t we talk about
0.63 how uh
0.63 pronoun how pornography robs people of
0.63 their freedom
0.63 yeah i want sort of definition of
0.63 freedom that intrigued me it was that
0.63 freedom is not the ability to do
0.63 whatever you want to do
0.63 it said freedom is the ability to do
0.63 what you do not want
0.63 to do in order to do what is good it was
0.63 a really interesting twist on it that if
0.63 i
0.63 can&;t say no to my sexual impulses i
0.63 mean my yes
0.63 really means nothing and so it promises
0.63 us this
0.63 satisfaction distraction and pleasure
0.63 and oh it&;s not a big deal nobody&;s
0.63 getting hurt
0.63 it&;s like a victimless crime but then
0.63 when it&;s all said and done
0.63 it&;s this ever diminishing rewards with
0.63 an ever greater
0.63 greater craving so the more you look at
0.63 the more you want the less you&;re
0.63 satisfied and so
0.63 it&;s just that this downward spiral that
0.63 people get sucked into
0.63 and they don&;t know how to break free
0.63 and then it becomes disastrous to their
0.63 marriage
0.63 it impairs their ability even to find
0.63 their vocation and if the pure and heart
0.63 can see god then their whole faith
0.63 begins to erode as well
0.63 not only faith in god but faith in
0.63 themselves and marriage
0.63 and love and so this is not some
0.63 victimless crime i think this is
0.63 robbing more people of their vocations
0.63 than anything when i get emails
0.63 constantly from beautiful young adult
0.63 single catholic women
0.63 ready to get started on their vocations
0.63 and they can&;t find anybody
0.63 they&;re telling me jason like even in
0.63 the catholic young adult circles
0.63 i&;ll go on two dates with a guy and then
0.63 it comes out he looks at porn and he
0.63 wants to date me
0.63 and they&;d say look i tell the guy look
0.63 you can&;t ask me to commit to you when
0.63 you&;re not even ready to be faithful to
0.63 me
0.63 and so it&;s emasculating men and making
0.63 them a feminized
0.63 you know all over the globe and i think
0.63 the women often are the ones who suffer
0.63 the most for this because
0.63 they want to get started on their
0.63 vocations and it&;s not that only guys
0.63 look at pornography
0.63 you know lust is a human problem but man
0.63 it&;s causing a mess when it comes to
0.63 finding real love
0.63 you know jason you mentioned two things
0.63 there that i think people oftentimes
0.63 don&;t connect but i think they&;re very
0.63 connected as you said
0.63 and that is first off freedom that that
0.63 the loss of chastity
0.63 means a loss of freedom but the other
0.63 casualty when we lose our freedom is we
0.63 lose the capacity to love and i think
0.63 that&;s exactly what you&;re
0.63 talking about in this example uh that
0.63 you know
0.63 this young man is addicted to
0.63 pornography and you know the
0.63 the girl in that story has the wisdom
0.63 now no
0.63 he&;s not free to love me right that&;s
0.63 that&;s that&;s
0.63 so sad yeah i mean because you can&;t
0.63 give what you don&;t possess
0.63 and if i don&;t have self mastery i can&;t
0.63 make a gift of myself and so
0.63 chastity i mean it frees you to know if
0.63 you&;re really being loved because if a
0.63 person is not willing to get rid of that
0.63 stuff to be with you they don&;t love you
0.63 but then it also frees you to love
0.63 rightly i love when john paul ii talks
0.63 about purity because he talked about
0.63 like with adam and eve
0.63 that adam was able to give eve all the
0.63 piece of the interior gaze meaning when
0.63 he looked at her body
0.63 he didn&;t look at her something to be
0.63 used for his gratification and
0.63 as a result of his holiness he was able
0.63 to have this ability to look rightly
0.63 upon her body
0.63 with love whereas when lust creeps into
0.63 the picture
0.63 a woman can perceive that not not just
0.63 like from in the bedroom like
0.63 a woman can perceive it a football field
0.63 away if a guy&;s looking at a wrong way
0.63 it creates this
0.63 this restlessness this vulnerability
0.63 even this resentment
0.63 where it&;s only through purity that the
0.63 human becomes capable of authentic
0.63 intimacy and that&;s why when married
0.63 couples like the guy&;s like let&;s
0.63 bring porn in the bedroom and spice
0.63 things up it&;s like
0.63 no i mean if you have to look to another
0.63 for satisfaction
0.63 it creates a wound of sexual betrayal
0.63 and trauma
0.63 to your spouse that you don&;t even know
0.63 how to look at it rightly i remember one
0.63 college guy saying like
0.63 uh you know being challenged about
0.63 looking at porn being in college
0.63 don&;t you think that could be a problem
0.63 in your marriage and he said why would
0.63 that be a problem in marriage like isn&;t
0.63 that what a wife is for
0.63 it&;s like oh well actually not you know
0.63 marriage isn&;t really the fulfillment of
0.63 porn
0.63 horns the distortion of real love yeah
0.63 it is a distortion it reminds me what
0.63 uh saint john paul ii he mentioned he
0.63 talked about using
0.63 versus loving and that&;s a concept
0.63 people need to get their minds around
0.63 today isn&;t it
0.63 oh absolutely you know and it&;s not that
0.63 it&;s going only one way
0.63 either you know it&;s not like all the
0.63 bad guys or the guys are bad and the
0.63 girls are just helpless victims i mean
0.63 you know whereas maybe a guy is trying
0.63 to give some girl
0.63 emotional pleasure for the sake of
0.63 getting physical pleasure and she&;ll
0.63 give him
0.63 sex for the sake of feeling love i mean
0.63 the using is going back and forth i mean
0.63 when a girl
0.63 sends a guy a sexual picture on the cell
0.63 phone it&;s not only him that&;s using her
0.63 it&;s it&;s her in a sense using him
0.63 whether it&;s for social status
0.63 or just for the satisfaction of the
0.63 feeling of being wanted and desired when
0.63 you don&;t even want yourself
0.63 half the time and so we&;ve got to be
0.63 able to rise above this culture
0.63 of utilitarianism to love each other
0.63 rightly
0.63 which is what we really long for and
0.63 what they found is like for at least
0.63 teenagers
0.63 teenagers who have had sex it&;s like 70
0.63 of them admit they wish they waited
0.63 longer it was kind of a disappointment
0.63 and most high school kids are virgins
0.63 which tells you the vast majority of
0.63 young people
0.63 are statistically quite open to this
0.63 message of starting over
0.63 even if they&;ve made mistakes you know
0.63 jc mission you know lust is easy
0.63 but virtue is acquired right it&;s
0.63 something we have to do and we can do it
0.63 how do you give hope to youth when you
0.63 talk about virtue
0.63 the virtue of chastity how do they start
0.63 on that path
0.63 so they can acquire that strength that
0.63 gives them freedom
0.63 yeah i mean one of the things that point
0.63 out with the guys like one of the most
0.63 important things the high school
0.63 students like
0.63 in college dudes like you got to
0.63 surround yourself with good friends you
0.63 know a friend of mine says like friends
0.63 are like elevators
0.63 they either take you up or they take you
0.63 down yeah and if you&;re hanging around
0.63 the wrong group of guys
0.63 then their sins become apparent you&;re
0.63 like ah guys are really doing some bad
0.63 stuff so
0.63 i&;m doing pretty good here but then when
0.63 you surround yourself with godly men
0.63 godly women
0.63 you don&;t really look at their sins and
0.63 their faults you start to look at your
0.63 own it&;s almost like playing a sport
0.63 with people who are five years less
0.63 experienced than you are
0.63 you&;re not gonna make a lot of progress
0.63 you start playing with people or a
0.63 couple divisions ahead of you in sports
0.63 and you up your game pretty darn fast
0.63 just to keep up it&;s the same thing with
0.63 the life of virtue
0.63 you want to surround yourself with good
0.63 people because you always become like
0.63 your friends and so you know virtue is
0.63 just
0.63 a habit of practicing a good and so yeah
0.63 it might feel a little clunky at first
0.63 you might feel like this is really hard
0.63 but it&;s like
0.63 two magnets when they&;re really close
0.63 together it&;s hard to separate them
0.63 but the more you create a distance it&;s
0.63 like okay this is doable
0.63 and so just pouring in the constellation
0.63 like it&;s not always going to be this
0.63 hard
0.63 to pull away from these vices if that
0.63 initial separation
0.63 from them that&;s the most difficult and
0.63 yeah you know temptation is still going
0.63 to remain
0.63 but you&;re going to able to move around
0.63 the world with greater freedom
0.63 as you break free and god gives you this
0.63 gift but i think that&;s
0.63 a gift not a white knuckling repression
0.63 kind of thing it&;s a gift from god
0.63 and if we really want it he&;ll bless us
0.63 with that well jason i think that&;s such
0.63 an important point that a lot of young
0.63 people don&;t realize
0.63 and that is you know when they struggle
0.63 with chastity early on it&;s not always
0.63 going to be this hard the more you
0.63 practice it the easier it gets and so it
0.63 gets easier
0.63 i think some people like if it&;s going
0.63 to be this hard you know
0.63 the first day they&;re trying to break
0.63 from porn if it&;s going to be this hard
0.63 every day of my life
0.63 i can&;t do it i give up but it&;s not
0.63 going to be and that&;s important for
0.63 people to know
0.63 but let me give everybody the text line
0.63 if i want to invite the audience to
0.63 submit your questions uh to jason and me
0.63 make sure uh
0.63 you can use our text line or you can use
0.63 the form platform but if you use the
0.63 text line
0.63 that is six five zero zero one hundred
0.63 and you just you know uh text your
0.63 question uh
0.63 and we want you to become part of the
0.63 conversation and you can also leave
0.63 questions on the chat part of the forum
0.63 platform
0.63 under comments and you can just put any
0.63 kind of questions for us
0.63 we&;d love to have you join our
0.63 conversation well
0.63 jason what where do you see hope right
0.63 now
0.63 when it comes to this you know our
0.63 culture is just so enmeshed and
0.63 lost in pornography where&;s the hope for
0.63 us right now
0.63 i think the young people are um i i have
0.63 tremendous confidence in them because
0.63 even if they&;ve been binging themselves
0.63 on the wrong kind of love
0.63 i know it&;s not going to satisfy and
0.63 eventually there&;s going to be a
0.63 boomerang
0.63 i mean this pendulum of the sexual
0.63 revolution i feel like it&;s pretty much
0.63 reached it&;s fine
0.63 yeah it&;s getting crazy it&;s probably
0.63 going to get a little crazier but
0.63 all this stuff i think is going to be
0.63 coming swinging back in the right
0.63 direction
0.63 and i think the church needs to be ready
0.63 almost like a field hospital on a
0.63 battlefield
0.63 to be able to tend to these people who
0.63 are seeking healing from pornographic
0.63 addiction and the sexual abuse that
0.63 often flows from that and so
0.63 i think there&;s a lot of hope i know you
0.63 might not see it on the on the news
0.63 but that&;s because the news shows us
0.63 what we watch and what we watch is all
0.63 the bad stuff
0.63 i mean news is a business you know i
0.63 remember seeing on one of the news apps
0.63 that i had said the top
0.63 10 news stories of 2020 or whatever i
0.63 clicked
0.63 and like nine out of 10 of them were
0.63 like murder theft
0.63 adultery you know you know all the
0.63 negative stuff and it&;s not because
0.63 those are the objectively most
0.63 important topics but that&;s what we&;re
0.63 clicking on so it&;s not that we watch
0.63 what they
0.63 show us they show us what we watch and
0.63 so we need to be careful to unplug a
0.63 little bit to realize hey
0.63 what i&;m seeing on the on the screens
0.63 might not be reflective of reality
0.63 and the very fact is like teen sexual
0.63 activity rates have been going down for
0.63 30 years in a row and it&;s the lowest
0.63 numbers they&;ve ever seen this past
0.63 summer the vast majority
0.63 of high school students are virgins and
0.63 those who&;ve had sex admit they wish
0.63 they waited longer
0.63 so in the midst of all the bad news
0.63 there&;s a lot of good news as well
0.63 young people want authentic love because
0.63 the hook-up culture
0.63 is not satisfying yeah here&;s a single
0.63 mother who asked jason you know how as a
0.63 single mother should she
0.63 talk to or uh her son about pornography
0.63 well you know one of the things one of
0.63 the benefits in the sense of being a
0.63 single parent
0.63 is that you&;re not asking your kid to
0.63 follow a lifestyle that you yourself
0.63 are not willing to follow is the
0.63 standard of innocence for 35 year old
0.63 woman
0.63 is the same for a 15 year old guy
0.63 perfect because the heavenly father is
0.63 perfect
0.63 now ultimately though men learn manhood
0.63 from men
0.63 and so try to put him in the presence of
0.63 authentic men whether it&;s a really good
0.63 pastor
0.63 good youth minister good grandpa good
0.63 uncle to have him in the company of good
0.63 men if you can get him involved in a
0.63 good youth group something like that
0.63 it&;s really important
0.63 in terms of pornography uh we get
0.63 approached a lot by
0.63 guys saying hey look i&;ve been
0.63 struggling this for years i don&;t know
0.63 how to break free what do i do
0.63 and so matt frad and i recently came out
0.63 with a book called forged
0.63 and it&;s a 33 day program on how to
0.63 break free from pornography
0.63 and every day of the book you&;re going
0.63 to get a free video on your phone
0.63 from myself father mike schmitz jeff
0.63 cavins uh father jacques philippe sister
0.63 miriam james like every day
0.63 a different person talked about not just
0.63 from like theological and spiritual
0.63 but from the neurological from the
0.63 psychological the sociological
0.63 we&;ve got psychologists on there and
0.63 theologians and husbands and wife
0.63 and everybody kind of pouring their
0.63 wisdom into this program every day for
0.63 33 days it&;s going to give you a
0.63 different weapon
0.63 to break free from this so i&;d recommend
0.63 getting the book forged
0.63 and just challenge him to do this in the
0.63 meantime make sure
0.63 you have those computers and phones
0.63 locked down
0.63 covenant eyes.com is very good for doing
0.63 that just go to covenanteyes.com
0.63 put in some screen based filters on the
0.63 macbooks the pcs the iphone the droid
0.63 whatever he&;s got
0.63 you&;ve got to have that thing locked
0.63 down and then also choke check out focus
0.63 on the family&;s website
0.63 pluggedin.com that will give you movie
0.63 television video game and music
0.63 reviews and so if you ask hey can we get
0.63 grand theft auto can i watch game of
0.63 thrones
0.63 you&;re like no that&;s porn here&;s why
0.63 and so plugged in dot com
0.63 coveted eyes.com and then our website
0.63 chastity.com but
0.63 good on you don&;t be afraid to talk to
0.63 your kid about this stuff i know it
0.63 might be a little awkward or whatever
0.63 man
0.63 if you don&;t speak the world is going to
0.63 fill the void of your silence with a
0.63 very contrary message so be bold
0.63 don&;t be afraid great response jason i
0.63 got bless her for that and i think that
0.63 and there&;s there&;s
0.63 these resources are i don&;t think any
0.63 mother or father for that matter needs
0.63 to be
0.63 shy about dealing with pornography
0.63 because every kid&;s going to be exposed
0.63 to it
0.63 and it doesn&;t matter if you&;re i i know
0.63 you know
0.63 people think well if i&;m homeschooled
0.63 and i&;m a catholic homeschooling family
0.63 we only hang out with homeschooling
0.63 families
0.63 you&;re not inoculated your kids are
0.63 going to encounter other kids
0.63 and with the smartphones it&;s ubiquitous
0.63 it&;s everywhere
0.63 it&;s everywhere and you can start early
0.63 there&;s a book called good pictures bad
0.63 pictures that you could read to your kid
0.63 and it basically explains them hey
0.63 there&;s some
0.63 good pictures on the internet and
0.63 there&;s some not so good ones some
0.63 pictures even show
0.63 people show parts of their body that
0.63 should be covered up with a bathing suit
0.63 and if you see one of those pictures
0.63 here&;s what to do
0.63 turn away your eyes close the computer
0.63 come talk to mom and dad
0.63 you&;re not in trouble in fact we&;re the
0.63 ones who are sorry that we didn&;t do a
0.63 better job
0.63 of protecting you from that that way
0.63 they have the game plan before they see
0.63 the garbage
0.63 instead of being like oh my goodness
0.63 what is that and getting sucked into
0.63 this life of shame and isolation
0.63 and addiction and so you have to have a
0.63 bit of an inoculation
0.63 a preventative strike of letting them
0.63 know this stuff is out there and if and
0.63 when they do see it
0.63 here&;s how to respond here&;s how to
0.63 react you&;re not in trouble
0.63 or on your team let&;s you know defend
0.63 love from lust
0.63 jason i think a lot of people um we know
0.63 a lot more about pornography now we did
0.63 than we did 30 years ago and especially
0.63 with video
0.63 it&;s far more addictive than
0.63 people ever thought pornography would be
0.63 especially with it it&;s accessibility so
0.63 warning kids
0.63 that um that this is this is deeply
0.63 addicting
0.63 and it&;s not about how strong you are it
0.63 just it&;s addictive
0.63 and it&;s how strong and powerful this
0.63 stuff is and how important it is and i
0.63 think
0.63 that&;s that idea of warning children
0.63 about that is important
0.63 here&;s a here&;s a wife who asks my
0.63 husband thinks that pornography
0.63 is harmless how do i approach this topic
0.63 with him
0.63 well one thing i would do is make sure
0.63 to check out the website bloom
0.63 for catholic women i think it&;s bloom
0.63 for catholicwomen.com.org
0.63 this is a catholic website specifically
0.63 for wives who are struggling with this
0.63 stuff
0.63 in their marriages because this is a
0.63 wound of sexual betrayal
0.63 the very fact they say well i&;m not
0.63 actually doing it it&;s like really is
0.63 that what we were promising on the altar
0.63 when we got married
0.63 i promise be true to you uh uh and be
0.63 faithful
0.63 except with my eyeballs and my heart and
0.63 my imagination just just arrested me
0.63 like is it the fidelity of the person or
0.63 just fidelity of a couple of body parts
0.63 here so
0.63 now i would tell him just this is
0.63 breaking your heart and
0.63 and to pray for him to fast for him
0.63 maybe call up some local convent of nuns
0.63 give them his first name and say could
0.63 you please pray for my husband
0.63 that he could be delivered from this and
0.63 the website bloom for catholic women
0.63 will give you some conversational tips
0.63 some net networking some fellowship to
0.63 validate your feelings of being betrayed
0.63 because a lot of guys oh you&;re just
0.63 being upside you&;re being approved i&;m
0.63 not actually doing it other husbands are
0.63 doing a lot of worse things than i am
0.63 but it&;s like look when a man turns to
0.63 another woman for satisfaction
0.63 it cuts her deeply to the core and she
0.63 starts saying okay am i not skinny
0.63 enough how do i compete with these women
0.63 it&;s like no you can&;t compete with them
0.63 because they can&;t compete with each
0.63 other
0.63 it&;s not like a guy who stays faithful
0.63 to one pornographic website he doesn&;t
0.63 go anywhere else because
0.63 he&;s so captivating no because it trains
0.63 him in a habit of mental polygamy
0.63 where he&;s robbing himself of the joy of
0.63 being captivated by one
0.63 because he&;s staring at all these
0.63 airbrushed flawless supermodels that are
0.63 essentially disposable
0.63 so it&;s not your job to keep up with
0.63 them because like i said they can&;t even
0.63 keep up with themselves
0.63 you&;ve got to be able to explain to this
0.63 man like look we entered into a marriage
0.63 and fidelity was part of the deal and
0.63 this is breaking my heart
0.63 and for the love of our children because
0.63 like the dad gets hooked on that stuff i
0.63 mean it&;s blunt but
0.63 that&;s a spiritual vasectomy i mean his
0.63 capacity to give the supernatural life
0.63 to his family
0.63 is severed from him if he can&;t even
0.63 guard his own soul
0.63 and so ask him like funny for love of me
0.63 you know can we go to counseling and
0.63 talk through this together if you feel
0.63 he&;s not hearing you
0.63 if he does want to go to counseling go
0.63 to counseling yourself without him
0.63 you need the comfort you need the
0.63 reassurance don&;t let him gaslight you
0.63 and minimize your feelings and pretend
0.63 like you&;re the problem because you&;re
0.63 prude you need support
0.63 you&;re on the right track fidelity is
0.63 not too much to ask
0.63 you know it seems jason that a lot of
0.63 people get
0.63 into this trap of self-deception when it
0.63 comes to their sexual failings and their
0.63 their shortcomings with chastity why do
0.63 you think people
0.63 um you know like like this woman&;s
0.63 husband why do you think so many people
0.63 like to minimize well pornography is not
0.63 really a problem
0.63 or you know other sexual issues
0.63 why do you think people like to
0.63 self-justify and self-deceive themselves
0.63 well i think whenever we sin we always
0.63 tend to justify oh it&;s not a big deal
0.63 yeah i did it this weekend but it&;s not
0.63 like i&;m doing it every weekend
0.63 only i did it with her but she consented
0.63 or yeah i did with her but we didn&;t go
0.63 all the way it&;s like
0.63 no matter what stage of lustre and you
0.63 always try to look that it&;s not
0.63 that it could be a lot worse yeah we did
0.63 this but she agreed to it
0.63 but like when you&;re doing something
0.63 good you don&;t make excuses for it it&;s
0.63 not like you&;re feeding the homeless
0.63 with christ in the city downtown and
0.63 then you&;re like well
0.63 at least i&;m not robbing a bank today
0.63 it&;s not that bad it&;s like
0.63 we don&;t make excuses if our behavior is
0.63 good it&;s because our
0.63 conscience is troubling us and so we try
0.63 to rationalize and justify
0.63 and it could also be because a lot of
0.63 times when we don&;t understand
0.63 our sexual unwanted sexual behavior
0.63 we&;re more likely to feel ashamed in it
0.63 but if we can actually understand where
0.63 is this craving coming from
0.63 when am i messing up is it when i&;m
0.63 bored and i&;m lonely and i&;m angry and
0.63 i&;m stressed and i&;m tired
0.63 well maybe i need to find the right
0.63 thing to do at those times instead of
0.63 running to porn or alcohol or whatever
0.63 it is
0.63 but then also there&;s an evangelical
0.63 writer named jay stringer
0.63 and he made a really interesting comment
0.63 his point was that we&;re going about sex
0.63 addiction recovery all wrong
0.63 we&;re treating it like a person&;s
0.63 desires and fantasies and all that stuff
0.63 is the problem he said i don&;t buy that
0.63 he said i think that person&;s unwanted
0.63 sexual fantasies and desires that
0.63 is the road map to their healing because
0.63 if we sit
0.63 still long enough just to listen to what
0.63 is it that i&;m craving there
0.63 am i craving to be looked at am i
0.63 craving to be seen
0.63 am i craving to see another am i craving
0.63 to humiliate a woman to control a woman
0.63 to be controlled by a woman like
0.63 what is the legitimate unmet need there
0.63 that i&;m desiring
0.63 that might have gotten twisted somehow
0.63 earlier in my life that&;s making me
0.63 desire in this warped way
0.63 and so he says that by looking at your
0.63 desires really listening to them not for
0.63 the sake of just indulging in them
0.63 but trying to find what is the
0.63 legitimate unmet need that&;s crying out
0.63 under this unwanted sexual behavior
0.63 because he says
0.63 just having an ounce of compassion for
0.63 your own life story
0.63 is going to do far more for you than all
0.63 the coping mechanisms and you know white
0.63 knuckling strategies in the world
0.63 and so have a little compassion on
0.63 yourself try to get to the roots
0.63 and the triggers of this instead of
0.63 treating it like lust is the only
0.63 problem because that&;s like cutting the
0.63 leaves off of weed in your garden don&;t
0.63 get into that root system
0.63 it&;s all just going to sprout back up
0.63 augustine had a great insight about that
0.63 when he talked about his own
0.63 addiction to lost and his own bondage
0.63 and he talks about how he what he was
0.63 really seeking was love
0.63 and union with god and and love of
0.63 another and
0.63 and it was hard for him to break from
0.63 the bonds of loss but once he did he
0.63 found that freedom
0.63 that gave him a capacity to love like he
0.63 never had before and he gave him a joy
0.63 like he never had before
0.63 how can people look at love
0.63 as a motivator to get them free to do
0.63 the hard arduous effort and work
0.63 of of becoming chased yeah well it&;s the
0.63 only motivator that&;s gonna work
0.63 guilt shame all that stuff is gonna burn
0.63 out eventually if that&;s what&;s
0.63 motivated you get rid of porn
0.63 i mean it&;ll give you some fuel to burn
0.63 on but eventually
0.63 it&;s you&;re just going to give up
0.63 there&;s in my eyes only one thing
0.63 stronger than the drive and the
0.63 temptation of lust and that&;s desire to
0.63 love and i tell guys like look
0.63 your body will do whatever you want
0.63 whatever you tell it to
0.63 i don&;t care how tempting that situation
0.63 is i said for example let&;s say you&;re
0.63 sitting
0.63 in your library in college and you&;re on
0.63 your phone and you&;re looking at some
0.63 pornographic images on snapchat or
0.63 instagram
0.63 and then you notice out of the corner
0.63 your eye is that one sophomore girl that
0.63 you&;ve had your eye on all semester
0.63 and you&;ve been waiting to meet her and
0.63 now she&;s about to walk past you
0.63 as you&;re looking at pointing your cell
0.63 phone or you&;re going to be like oh no
0.63 the desires are too strong i can&;t stop
0.63 looking
0.63 no you&;re going to be like oh you know
0.63 back to quantum physics i&;m sitting here
0.63 to be a doctor like
0.63 man you would your body would do exactly
0.63 what it told you to do
0.63 because you had a stronger desire than
0.63 the desire to lust
0.63 and that&;s the desire to look noble to
0.63 look honorable to look worthy as a
0.63 suitor
0.63 well be that in reality i mean your
0.63 character is who you are when nobody&;s
0.63 watching
0.63 and so we&;ve got to really look at okay
0.63 am i one person at church on sunday
0.63 morning in a different guy&;s saturday at
0.63 night
0.63 chastity&;s about living that
0.63 authenticity but if we can keep
0.63 love as the goal like if i don&;t get rid
0.63 of this junk
0.63 i mean that&;s not even an option i mean
0.63 do you really want to be some like 35
0.63 year old
0.63 porn addicted dad who&;s gotta slap your
0.63 laptop shut when your
0.63 six-year-old daughter walks in your
0.63 office because she can&;t see what dad&;s
0.63 seeing
0.63 it&;s not the father you want to be so
0.63 for love of your future bride for love
0.63 of your future kids
0.63 trash this junk and because it&;s like a
0.63 dragon standing between you and your
0.63 vocation
0.63 you can&;t walk around that thing you
0.63 can&;t wait for it to die
0.63 you can&;t be like just poke it a little
0.63 bit and then go around going it&;s just
0.63 going to follow you into that kingdom
0.63 and destroy the place you got to cut
0.63 that thing&;s head off walk over its
0.63 corpse and
0.63 enter into your vocation and so that&;s
0.63 the main thing you got to slay
0.63 because don&;t have you got no business
0.63 asking a girl out
0.63 if you&;re still struggling with this
0.63 stuff not only does it need to be
0.63 removed
0.63 the wound needs to get healed it&;s like
0.63 i could stick a sword in you and pull it
0.63 out back oh the sword&;s out you&;re good
0.63 like my my intestines are on the floor
0.63 like healing has to happen and so remove
0.63 it
0.63 find some accountability because not
0.63 only can you win this you must win this
0.63 that&;s so important well jason we&;ve got
0.63 several questions that
0.63 have come in that are about uh chastity
0.63 is there such a thing as chastity after
0.63 you get married
0.63 and what does chastity look like in
0.63 marriage so those are a couple of
0.63 questions
0.63 how would you respond to that no it&;s a
0.63 very good question because chastity is a
0.63 virtue that applies to everybody
0.63 regardless
0.63 of their state and life whether you&;re
0.63 priest single person religious married
0.63 it applies to us obviously differently
0.63 because chastity prior to marriage would
0.63 involve confidence and abstinence
0.63 chastity within marriage does involve
0.63 abstinence people don&;t realize that
0.63 they know once you get married all bets
0.63 are off and it&;s like
0.63 not really even within marriage
0.63 abstinence can be an expression of love
0.63 whether you&;re traveling whether your
0.63 spouse is exhausted or sick or not
0.63 interested or whatever like
0.63 abstinence can still be an expression of
0.63 love but then also within the context of
0.63 marital intimacy
0.63 obviously pornography has no place
0.63 within chastity and marriage
0.63 how do we plan our family do we listen
0.63 to the church
0.63 when it comes to natural family planning
0.63 and it&;s not that like nfp is the
0.63 default like
0.63 we want to get married we&;re going to
0.63 use nfp right away because you know we
0.63 want to give
0.63 three or four years to really get to
0.63 know each other and you know then we&;re
0.63 going to have kids down the road
0.63 it&;s like look you want to get to know
0.63 each other have kids you&;ll get to know
0.63 each other
0.63 real good okay and so the default
0.63 position
0.63 isn&;t nfp the default position is
0.63 openness to life because children are
0.63 the supreme gift of marriage
0.63 but there are circumstances where you
0.63 might need to
0.63 postpone the next pregnancy and that the
0.63 church understands that
0.63 and god has already built into our
0.63 bodies the capacity for that
0.63 and so with nfp it taught me my wife&;s
0.63 body&;s perfect she doesn&;t need all the
0.63 pills and drugs and shots
0.63 she just needs to be understood so
0.63 instead of suppressing her fertility
0.63 with all these chemicals
0.63 to conform to our desires we can form
0.63 our desires the perfect way
0.63 our body has already been created so
0.63 sins like contraception sterilization
0.63 abortion pornography you know those
0.63 things would be
0.63 violations against the virtue of
0.63 chastity within the sacrament of
0.63 marriage
0.63 what do you think keeps people from
0.63 pursuing chastity
0.63 you know today most of all i think one
0.63 of the big ones
0.63 is that well obviously pornography and
0.63 things like that but the idea that
0.63 sexual desire
0.63 is lust and that as long as they&;re
0.63 experiencing sexual attractions or
0.63 temptations or desires
0.63 then they&;re always failing god in fact
0.63 i did a q a session for
0.63 eight high schools at the same time in
0.63 canada last week and one of the first
0.63 questions that came in from the kids
0.63 was like if i&;m physically attracted to
0.63 somebody&;s face
0.63 is that the sin of lust and it&;s like
0.63 whoa
0.63 i mean imagine that poor high schooler
0.63 thinking like his whole life if i&;m
0.63 attracted to someone else&;s face
0.63 it&;s like that&;s the idea like well if
0.63 you just get pure enough you&;re not
0.63 gonna have any sexual desires like if
0.63 you don&;t have any sexual desires you&;re
0.63 dead
0.63 like that&;s not holiness that&;s like
0.63 numbness i love what john paul ii
0.63 said he said that when we grow in purity
0.63 we come to an
0.63 ever greater awareness of the gratuitous
0.63 beauty of the human body and its
0.63 masculinity and
0.63 femininity and that beauty becomes a
0.63 light for our actions
0.63 and so he&;s it&;s amazing what he says
0.63 like you don&;t get numb to beauty
0.63 you become more aware of it and that
0.63 becomes a light to your actions that the
0.63 body is an invitation to love
0.63 not to lust and so i think this
0.63 misunderstanding
0.63 that sexual attraction is sin makes a
0.63 lot of people give up
0.63 because they experience the sexual
0.63 attraction okay that that&;s a reaction
0.63 biologically it&;s normal but now you
0.63 have to choose a response
0.63 and then what lust is is the reduction
0.63 of a human person
0.63 to their sexual value whereas with
0.63 chastity and love
0.63 it&;s realizing yep there is a sexual
0.63 value there but that personal value
0.63 is more important than the sexual value
0.63 jason your
0.63 explanation of these things are so
0.63 important for people to hear and i want
0.63 people to know that
0.63 uh it&;s hard to believe we&;re out of
0.63 time but i want people to be able to go
0.63 to you and find some of your resources
0.63 and so
0.63 i highly recommend that people go to
0.63 chastity.com
0.63 which uh jason has set up this website
0.63 it&;s got all of his resources you can
0.63 find out resources for teens for adults
0.63 how to deal with pornography and so many
0.63 other things and so
0.63 jason you&;ve done a phenomenal work for
0.63 the church by
0.63 uh your apostolate your mission i hope
0.63 more people come to hear about it and
0.63 learn about it because there&;s such a
0.63 great joy and freedom
0.63 to discover the love that comes when
0.63 you&;re chaste and i hope more and more
0.63 people can
0.63 encounter that and experience that and i
0.63 want to thank you for being with us and
0.63 sharing
0.63 uh your wisdom with us tonight so thank
0.63 you very much
0.63 and i want to invite our our audience
0.63 next week we&;re going to have dr andrew
0.63 abella from catholic university of
0.63 america who heads up the business school
0.63 there
0.63 he&;s going to talk about catholicism and
0.63 capitalism
0.63 a lot of interesting questions have
0.63 arisen lately about
0.63 capitalism and what&;s the catholic
0.63 perspective on that tune in next week
0.63 we&;re going to discover
0.63 and explore that topic and again jason
0.63 thank you so much for being with us
0.63 pleasure thanks so much
0.63 god bless you and god bless all of you
0.63 who watched i hope that you&;ve been
0.63 edified and strengthened and encouraged
0.63 by the truth of chastity tonight god
0.63 bless you
0.63 [Music]
0.63 you
.