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« porn addiction » analysé par TODAY

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Megyn Kelly TODAY, accompagnée de la description suivante :« Erica Garza dit qu’elle n’avait que 12 ans lorsque sa dépendance à la pornographie a commencé, une obsession qui s’est transformée en une dépendance sexuelle qu’elle décrit dans son livre «Getting Off». Elle s’ouvre à Megyn Kelly de son voyage vers l’acceptation de soi après s’être mis dans «des situations destructrices et malsaines». »Abonnez-vous à aujourd’hui: http://on.today.com/subscritotoday» Regardez les derniers à partir de aujourd’hui: http://bit.ly/latesttoday sur: aujourd’hui vous apporte les derniers titres et conseils d’experts sur l’argent, la santé et la parentalité. Nous nous réveillons tous les matins pour vous donner, ainsi que votre famille, tout ce dont vous avez besoin pour commencer votre journée. Si cela vous importe, cela nous importe. Nous sommes dans le monde des gens. Abonnez-vous à notre chaîne pour des images d’archives exclusives aujourd’hui et notre série Web originale. Connectez-vous avec aujourd’hui en ligne! Visitez le site Web d’aujourd’hui: http://on.today.com/readtoday Recherchez aujourd’hui sur Facebook: http://on.today.com/liketoday suivez aujourd’hui sur Twitter: http://on.today.com/plustoday suivez aujourd’hui sur Google+: http://on.today.com/plustoday Suivez aujourd’hui sur Google: http://on.today.com/plustoday Suivez aujourd’hui sur Google: http://on.today.com/plustoday http://on.today.com/instatoday Suivez aujourd’hui sur Pinterest: http://on.today.com/pintoday Une femme s’ouvre sur son voyage à travers la dépendance sexuelle | Megyn Kelly TODAY ».

Que ce soit pour des idées créatives, des réflexions personnelles ou des perspectives sociales, YouTube permet à chacun d’accéder à des vidéos traitant de sujets divers tout en respectant la sécurité et la confidentialité. C’est une plateforme qui favorise la diversité des voix tout en soutenant des discussions respectueuses.

Renouveler son identité en se détachant de la pornographie

Adopter une approche éthique de la sexualité

Faire le choix d’une sexualité consciente et responsable favorise des relations saines et équilibrées L’arrêt de la pornographie demande une réflexion approfondie, des ressources adéquates et un accompagnement continu. Grâce à la compréhension de la dépendance et à une démarche planifiée, on peut surmonter cette dépendance et vivre une sexualité plus saine. Rechercher des solutions adaptées est essentiel pour sortir du cycle de dépendance il y a des solutions disponibles par exemple la méthode de ce leader de la chasteté et l’arrêt du porno www.chastete.fr.

Cultiver des amitiés sincères améliore la stabilité émotionnelle

Les relations réelles renforcent l’épanouissement sexuel et remplacent les attentes irréalistes des contenus en ligne

Mettre en place des habitudes équilibrées et conscientes

Prendre part à des activités profondes comme la méditation ou le yoga nourrit le lien corps-esprit et limite les tentations incontrôlables

Étudier la dépendance à la pornographie

Décrypter les rouages psychologiques en action

Des mécanismes de plaisir cérébral, associés à la dopamine, expliquent pourquoi la consommation de pornographie devient une addiction, aggravant les pensées négatives et le sentiment de perte de contrôle.

Reconnaître les indicateurs de dépendance

L’usage excessif de pornographie, symptomatique d’une addiction, peut affecter profondément la vie sociale et les objectifs professionnels.

Étudier les conséquences du porno sur la gestion de la vie personnelle

L’addiction influe sur les relations sexuelles, l’estime de soi et l’aptitude à créer des liens émotionnels réels. Une consommation démesurée de porno peut engendrer une dépendance où satisfaction et excitation dépendent uniquement de ces supports

Explorer les différentes formes d’aide accessibles

Utiliser des plateformes digitales et applications pour suivre son parcours

Des applications et outils numériques permettent de monitorer l’évolution, de recevoir des rappels inspirants et de renforcer les comportements sains pour limiter la consommation de pornographie.

Prendre part à des sessions de soutien collectif

Les groupes de soutien offrent une plateforme pour partager des vécus personnels, découvrir des stratégies efficaces et s’entraider tout au long du processus de rétablissement.

S’adresser à un spécialiste des soins psychologiques

Consulter un professionnel expérimenté en dépendances comportementales, comme un psychologue formé à la TCC, permet de découvrir les facteurs cachés et d’obtenir un soutien spécifique.

Développer un plan méthodique pour surmonter l’addiction

Organiser un lieu qui soutient la récupération

Utiliser des extensions de navigateur et des applications de contrôle parental pour bloquer l’accès aux contenus pornographiques peut être une stratégie bénéfique. Créer un environnement propice aux activités constructives permet également de réduire les impulsions.

Adopter des solutions pour canaliser les désirs

L’un des aspects importants de la gestion des comportements indésirables est la reconnaissance des déclencheurs. La TCC, les activités constructives et le soutien de proches sont des outils essentiels.

Se donner des objectifs clairs et à la portée de soi

Le succès du sevrage passe par des objectifs clairs, par exemple réduire le temps passé devant des contenus pornographiques. Cette démarche doit également comprendre une réflexion sur les origines de la dépendance et les avantages durables de l’arrêt.

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#Une #femme #souvre #sur #son #voyage #travers #dépendance #sexuelle #Megyn #Kelly #aujourdhui

Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: [Applause] so if you were warning the next few segments will include a little graphic pg-13 kind of material because you see my next guest was just 12 years old when she says her addiction to pornography began an obsession that turned into sex addiction Erica Garza has written about her struggle to keep her addictions in check in her new revealing very raw book called getting off again if you have young children in the room we’re gonna be discussing topics that may not be appropriate I want to welcome her because this is a difficult story for her to tell and it took a lot of courage to tell it this is how her story began the more I watched porn the more it preoccupied my mind so it became a huge obsession for me so I couldn’t really interact with other people without thinking of could this lead to sex I was very lucky to have a stable loving supported childhood there was no big trauma when I was 12 years old was I was diagnosed with scoliosis and so I had to wear a back brace for two years and that was the beginning of really starting to feel insecure and different from people around me if I stayed up late enough I could listen to this show called love line which was syndicated show about drug addiction and love and sex and relationships and I remember a caller calling in a woman and she said that she had discovered this really mind-blowing way to have orgasm so I tried it and it was mind-blowing I started to use the porn and the masturbation as a method of coping I thought that I was doing something wrong so that just produced a huge layer of shame inside of my sexuality and it was hard for me to separate shame from my sexuality and my pleasure the first thing was chatroom encounters and then downloading pictures came about and then streaming websites came around and so that every time I felt like maybe my interest might die out new stimuli just kept coming out so it was always very enticing and fresh it just became a main priority in my life and Ericka Garza joins me now Erika thank you so much for being here for having me so you were 12 when you first sort of had your first experience and I’m sure a lot of people were like what was the mind-blowing Fant write this you can read about it in the book but it wasn’t so much the the the joy of the feelings it was it became an obsession for you right I mean what was the driver to make you do it so often over and over and over even at that young age well I think that my first exploration with masturbation and porn started off pretty normally you know I think most kids around that age would be curious and and explore their body but I was diagnosed with scoliosis not long after that discovery and that’s when things started to change for me I started to really think of myself as something weird or something different and shameful and I found that using porn and masturbating were effective methods of coping with that it was an it was like an escape right yeah it was a way for me to get out of my head away from you to not think about any sort of emotional difficulties that came up for me that I didn’t know how to deal with properly you write about how you were you would be in the school at school and you go into the bathroom stalls and have to do it and we’re asking yourself is this normal are other girls doing this I mean did you have the light bulb that like this is it isn’t probably they aren’t yeah and I think that that just came out of all the silence that comes around sex as a young woman as a young girl nobody was talking about it and I was raised Catholic and my parents they didn’t really talk to me about it and I think that’s because their parents didn’t really talk to them about sex and so I just had this idea that I was doing something bad and something wrong and I think that if people were talking about it that I might have felt comfort and I might have felt like I was doing something that we completely normal no would have changed my perspective I don’t think you know the sort of self pleasure for anyone coming of age is not if there’s nothing abnormal about it right it was the amount the frequency and the dominance that it wound up having on your life certainly as you became an adult but was that the case even as a sort of tweener into your teens yes it definitely became an obsession it became a way for me to cope with anything that came up that felt too big and too scary and I never really felt comfortable doing it there was never this point early on where I felt like I was worthy of this kind of pleasure it just felt like something I was doing and if people found out that I was doing it then they would certainly think that I was disgusting and not want anything to do with me those the the theme in the book these are some of the emotions and adjectives she uses to describe herself and how she felt emptiness shame isolated revolting guilt pitiful worthless was that all part of it I mean was that in other words what I’m trying to figure out is whether those are the feelings that led to the addiction or those are the feelings caused by the behavior associated with it I think both certainly it started that way you know I had these feelings of inadequacy because I felt so different from everybody else but as I continued to cope in this way and nobody was talking about it then those those feelings just continued and and became bigger than they should have and how how big a role did the internet play when a huge especially when you were first sort of getting into this right so I feel like my addiction coincided with the digital age and so it started with softcore that was big yeah so I mean the internet came about in when I was around twelve thirteen and so downloading pictures became a thing chat room encounters and every time that I might have gotten over it and maybe lost interest some new stimuli would come out to get me engaged and enticed all over again she spent her life addicted to pornography and sex beginning at age 12 a topic again we want to warn our viewers may not be suitable for young children Erica describes in detail in her book how she and and to us how she knew that her addiction was escalating I started off watching really mild porn but as time went on and I started watching more of it I needed to see categories that made me feel excited again I had to look at scenes that upset me and also that produced that shame in me that I had first found with my first experience of masturbation and Erica Garza is back with us so how did that need for sort of demeaning progressively dirty pornography affect your real-life relationships so like many other gateway drugs I would say softcore porn you know used to excite me and then as time went on I needed to find harder clips or hardcore clips in order to stay excited and it also made me feel shocked and ashamed and because that shame had been such an important aspect of my sexuality and my pleasure from the beginning I continued to seek out that feeling and I also sought that feeling I’m in my real-life relationships with people and so that I put myself into some destructive and unhealthy situations you write that you know you dated various people and thought if you weren’t treated well right that’s I don’t deserve to be treated well right he is not a good man because I don’t deserve a good man yes yeah and that just stemmed from my inadequacies and my feelings of worthlessness and being afraid of being found out I thought I needed to have this wall between me and another person if they found out the real me then they would they would really run away so I made as might as well just stick with these the relationships that didn’t really serve me that well or value me because I didn’t value myself so how how bad did it get I mean you you’re pretty open in the book about some of the places you visited and some of the things you did that I think most of us think it’s too seedy a young beautiful woman wouldn’t be caught dead in these places well my need for these this sexual release just took me to places that I wouldn’t normally went to in my rational mind but you know a lot of addiction is irrational and driven by these urges that I felt powerless against like Times Square peep shows or peaches right and some you know unsafe situations I put myself into was was that part of it for you that you know the danger the the seediness of it sure there was a thrill and it did make me feel ashamed and shame was a huge part of my pleasures so I sought those experiences with them with that mission in mind even when you got into otherwise healthy relationships with men who loved you who you know you write about I think it was Elliott and you you were having relations with him once or twice a week which you see right was a huge problem for you so you weren’t able to sort of slip into the quote-unquote normal relationship right and I think that that would have required me to surrender myself to a kind of intimacy that just felt on from unfamiliar to me and I didn’t really know how to how to handle that in the healthy way so how did you know things had spun out of control that this was a suit crossed over to an unmanageable place so I known throughout my 20s that I had this problem with sex and I just didn’t really know what to do about it and I think that that’s the case for a lot of sex addicts especially women you don’t really know where to turn to for help but I had been sabotaging many of my relationships and I just got to a place where I felt really unhappy and really stuck and I wanted to change and so I’d sabotage another relationship and one that I particularly valued and I knew that I wanted to change the men in your life were saying you’re a sex addict it came up a few times but in in one situation where I was engaged to somebody in New York it came up and I didn’t really want to listen to it and I was still in denial at that point she has an addiction to sex that started at age 12 also joining us is Robert Weiss author of sex addiction 101 he’s a digital age intimacy and relationships expert he has not treated Erica but he’s helped here to help us put some perspective onto this first let me ask you Erica do you do you consider yourself currently present-day a sex addict I do not you feel like you’ve worked through it I consider myself in recovery this xx I and I do consider my past as as being a sex addict but I don’t view myself in that lens anymore hmm you and your husband you write in the book you know you’re still having threesomes but it’s not an addiction for you right and you know I’m a sexual being and I’ve always been experimental and open-minded and it really wasn’t about stopping that and cutting off that part of myself I really wanted to find balance with that and just not feel the shame aspect anything getting it under control right there’s a great line in the book where you talk about I’m paraphrasing but what if I could go back and instead of taking back my sins I took back my shame think of that just think about that in your own life instead of taking back your sins you you you take back your shame have you been able to do that it’s an ongoing effort but yes and I think it’s really important I don’t have the desire to stay stuck I don’t have the desire to regret my past and and do anything destructive that would make me feel bad anymore I want to live healthy and I want to continue being a healthy sexual being without feeling bad about it Rob how many sex addicts are women about 25% of sex addicts or women when I think about it it’s kind of like with eating disorders we have about 25% man in about 80% women 75 it’s kind of switched with sex we have about 70% men about 30% women and the the dangers of the internet I mean how how big of a factor is that in sex addiction well it’s the accessibility that is really the issue you know if I back in the day if I wanted to get some porn I had to go somewhere go to a store and it was icky and I’d want anyone to see me there and I had to rent something there to return it now it’s so immediate it’s like I think of the apps and the online porn like having cocaine in the medicine cabinet you know it’s just so easy to press that button and there it is and there isn’t that it’s more like having pot and cocaine and then heroin in the medicine cabinet talks about sort of the gateway through to the darker and darker stuff which affected her real life relationship so is there anything we can do about them and as a mother of three children I worry about this well in terms of porn there’s a lot that parents need to be doing you know I don’t know that our schools always teach children intimacy and sexuality and relationship you know they learn to birds-and-the-bees in the body parts but I think right now parents really need to step up and talk to their children about intimate and relationship based sexuality and they need to be talking about internet porn how so well there are books out there now I don’t know if parents are aware of it but it’d be so helpful there ah to talk to your six-year-old about adult images how to talk to your eight-year-old these are conversations should be held early and young so kids feel comfortable bringing saying I saw this mom I don’t know what to do they should feel that way rather than I’ve got to hide this and this is bad no machine you know there are some people who don’t believe sex addiction is a real thing that’s true is it a real thing well we’ll have a diagnosis in Europe this year and we’ll have a diagnosis in the States next year so that’s kind of going away as we see the brain science and you know we only have one pleasure center in the brain it doesn’t matter whether I’m doing cocaine or I’m drinking or I’m gambling or I’m engaging in sex it still is a distracting emotional way for me to escape or to feel better a sex is sort of like a food addiction in that unlike heroin addiction you don’t have to you don’t show up at you know in your day-to-day life heroin is not necessarily available but sex is part of a normal healthy lifestyle and relationship and marriage and what is your I mean this is just very brave of you very brave of you to put this out there and write so openly about it and I ask you about your daughter only because when I was reading I was like my daughter read that you know so how what are your feelings about that and why did you write the book you know I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it with my daughter but I do hope to answer any questions she has with just honesty and I don’t think that it’s wrong for a child to see their parent vulnerable and to see that I’ve made some mistakes and I’ve gotten through them and I mean the purpose of writing the book was not just to extend compassion to myself and understand myself better but really to help other people who are going through this and feeling so alone and so afraid but it’s okay that there’s somebody out there who understands mmm I just can’t tell you how much of an either is for women to have a place to talk about this I’ve been treating men and women for almost thirty years with sexual intimacy disorders and men you know they they have a problem they talk about it but it’s so much harder for a woman to come forward with a sexual problem we all know what names we give women when they act out sexually and her studs and players you know women not so nice we guilt and we shame women for being sexual beings at all never mind in the way the Erica owns and I really admire you Erica because you’re not with a lot of folks I see they become very rigid you know like I’m gonna cut sex out or I’m gonna cut it has to be this and you’re saying no I want to be a fluid open human being but I don’t want to do things that hurt me or hurt the people I love or don’t allow me to grow my life so I think you’re on the right path thank you thank you both so much all the best an arrogance book again it’s called getting off is out now we’ll be right back hello today fans thanks for checking out our YouTube channel subscribe by clicking that button down there and click on any of the videos over here to watch the latest interviews show highlights and digital exclusives .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

0.3 [Applause]
0.3 so if you were warning the next few
0.3 segments will include a little graphic
0.3 pg-13 kind of material because you see
0.3 my next guest was just 12 years old when
0.3 she says her addiction to pornography
0.3 began an obsession that turned into sex
0.3 addiction
0.3 Erica Garza has written about her
0.3 struggle to keep her addictions in check
0.3 in her new revealing very raw book
0.3 called getting off again if you have
0.3 young children in the room we&;re gonna
0.3 be discussing topics that may not be
0.3 appropriate I want to welcome her
0.3 because
0.3 this is a difficult story for her to
0.3 tell and it took a lot of courage to
0.3 tell it this is how her story began the
0.3 more I watched porn the more it
0.3 preoccupied my mind so it became a huge
0.3 obsession for me so I couldn&;t really
0.3 interact with other people without
0.3 thinking of could this lead to sex I was
0.3 very lucky to have a stable loving
0.3 supported childhood there was no big
0.3 trauma when I was 12 years old was I was
0.3 diagnosed with scoliosis and so I had to
0.3 wear a back brace for two years and that
0.3 was the beginning of really starting to
0.3 feel insecure and different from people
0.3 around me if I stayed up late enough I
0.3 could listen to this show called love
0.3 line which was syndicated show about
0.3 drug addiction and love and sex and
0.3 relationships and I remember a caller
0.3 calling in a woman and she said that she
0.3 had discovered this really mind-blowing
0.3 way to have orgasm so I tried it and it
0.3 was mind-blowing I started to use the
0.3 porn and the masturbation as a method of
0.3 coping
0.3 I thought that I was doing something
0.3 wrong so that just produced a huge layer
0.3 of shame inside of my sexuality and it
0.3 was hard for me to separate shame from
0.3 my sexuality and my pleasure
0.3 the first thing was chatroom encounters
0.3 and then downloading pictures came about
0.3 and then streaming websites came around
0.3 and so that every time I felt like maybe
0.3 my interest might die out new stimuli
0.3 just kept coming out so it was always
0.3 very enticing and fresh it just became a
0.3 main priority in my life and Ericka
0.3 Garza joins me now Erika thank you so
0.3 much for being here for having me so you
0.3 were 12 when you first sort of had your
0.3 first experience and I&;m sure a lot of
0.3 people were like what was the
0.3 mind-blowing Fant write this you can
0.3 read about it in the book but it wasn&;t
0.3 so much the the the joy of the feelings
0.3 it was it became an obsession for you
0.3 right I mean what was the driver to make
0.3 you do it so often over and over and
0.3 over even at that young age well I think
0.3 that my first exploration with
0.3 masturbation and porn started off pretty
0.3 normally you know I think most kids
0.3 around that age would be curious and and
0.3 explore their body but I was diagnosed
0.3 with scoliosis not long after that
0.3 discovery and that&;s when things started
0.3 to change for me I started to really
0.3 think of myself as something weird or
0.3 something different and shameful and I
0.3 found that using porn and masturbating
0.3 were effective methods of coping with
0.3 that it was an it was like an escape
0.3 right yeah it was a way for me to get
0.3 out of my head away from you to not
0.3 think about any sort of emotional
0.3 difficulties that came up for me that I
0.3 didn&;t know how to deal with properly
0.3 you write about how you were you would
0.3 be in the school at school and you go
0.3 into the bathroom stalls and have to do
0.3 it and we&;re asking yourself is this
0.3 normal are other girls doing this I mean
0.3 did you have the light bulb that like
0.3 this is it isn&;t probably they aren&;t
0.3 yeah and I think that that just came out
0.3 of all the silence that comes around sex
0.3 as a young woman as a young girl nobody
0.3 was talking about it and I was raised
0.3 Catholic and my parents they didn&;t
0.3 really talk to me about it and I think
0.3 that&;s because their parents didn&;t
0.3 really talk to them about sex and so I
0.3 just had this idea that I was doing
0.3 something bad and something wrong and I
0.3 think that if people were talking about
0.3 it that I might have felt comfort and I
0.3 might have felt like I was doing
0.3 something that we
0.3 completely normal no would have changed
0.3 my perspective I don&;t think you know
0.3 the sort of self pleasure for anyone
0.3 coming of age is not if there&;s nothing
0.3 abnormal about it right it was the
0.3 amount the frequency and the dominance
0.3 that it wound up having on your life
0.3 certainly as you became an adult but was
0.3 that the case even as a sort of tweener
0.3 into your teens yes it definitely became
0.3 an obsession it became a way for me to
0.3 cope with anything that came up that
0.3 felt too big and too scary and I never
0.3 really felt comfortable doing it there
0.3 was never this point early on where I
0.3 felt like I was worthy of this kind of
0.3 pleasure it just felt like something I
0.3 was doing and if people found out that I
0.3 was doing it then they would certainly
0.3 think that I was disgusting and not want
0.3 anything to do with me those the the
0.3 theme in the book these are some of the
0.3 emotions and adjectives she uses to
0.3 describe herself and how she felt
0.3 emptiness shame isolated revolting guilt
0.3 pitiful worthless was that all part of
0.3 it I mean was that in other words what
0.3 I&;m trying to figure out is whether
0.3 those are the feelings that led to the
0.3 addiction or those are the feelings
0.3 caused by the behavior associated with
0.3 it I think both certainly it started
0.3 that way
0.3 you know I had these feelings of
0.3 inadequacy because I felt so different
0.3 from everybody else but as I continued
0.3 to cope in this way and nobody was
0.3 talking about it then those those
0.3 feelings just continued and and became
0.3 bigger than they should have and how how
0.3 big a role did the internet play when a
0.3 huge especially when you were first sort
0.3 of getting into this right so I feel
0.3 like my addiction coincided with the
0.3 digital age and so it started with
0.3 softcore that was big yeah so I mean the
0.3 internet came about in when I was around
0.3 twelve thirteen and so downloading
0.3 pictures became a thing chat room
0.3 encounters and every time that I might
0.3 have gotten over it and maybe lost
0.3 interest some new stimuli would come out
0.3 to get me engaged and enticed all over
0.3 again
0.3 she spent her life addicted to
0.3 pornography and sex beginning at age 12
0.3 a topic again we want to warn our
0.3 viewers may not be suitable for young
0.3 children
0.3 Erica describes in detail in her book
0.3 how she and and to us how she knew that
0.3 her addiction was escalating
0.3 I started off watching really mild porn
0.3 but as time went on and I started
0.3 watching more of it I needed to see
0.3 categories that made me feel excited
0.3 again I had to look at scenes that upset
0.3 me and also that produced that shame in
0.3 me that I had first found with my first
0.3 experience of masturbation
0.3 and Erica Garza is back with us so how
0.3 did that need for sort of demeaning
0.3 progressively dirty pornography affect
0.3 your real-life relationships so like
0.3 many other gateway drugs I would say
0.3 softcore porn you know used to excite me
0.3 and then as time went on I needed to
0.3 find harder clips or hardcore clips in
0.3 order to stay excited and it also made
0.3 me feel shocked and ashamed and because
0.3 that shame had been such an important
0.3 aspect of my sexuality and my pleasure
0.3 from the beginning I continued to seek
0.3 out that feeling and I also sought that
0.3 feeling I&;m in my real-life
0.3 relationships with people and so that I
0.3 put myself into some destructive and
0.3 unhealthy situations you write that you
0.3 know you dated various people and
0.3 thought if you weren&;t treated well
0.3 right that&;s I don&;t deserve to be
0.3 treated well right he is not a good man
0.3 because I don&;t deserve a good man
0.3 yes yeah and that just stemmed from my
0.3 inadequacies and my feelings of
0.3 worthlessness and being afraid of being
0.3 found out I thought I needed to have
0.3 this wall between me and another person
0.3 if they found out the real me then they
0.3 would they would really run away so I
0.3 made as might as well just stick with
0.3 these the relationships that didn&;t
0.3 really serve me that well or value me
0.3 because I didn&;t value myself so how how
0.3 bad did it get I mean you you&;re pretty
0.3 open in the book about some of the
0.3 places you visited and some of the
0.3 things you did that I think most of us
0.3 think it&;s too seedy a young beautiful
0.3 woman wouldn&;t be caught dead in these
0.3 places
0.3 well my need for these this sexual
0.3 release just took me to places that I
0.3 wouldn&;t
0.3 normally went to in my rational mind but
0.3 you know a lot of addiction is
0.3 irrational and driven by these urges
0.3 that I felt powerless against like Times
0.3 Square peep shows or peaches right and
0.3 some you know unsafe situations I put
0.3 myself into was was that part of it for
0.3 you that you know the danger the the
0.3 seediness of it sure there was a thrill
0.3 and it did make me feel ashamed and
0.3 shame was a huge part of my pleasures so
0.3 I sought those experiences with them
0.3 with that mission in mind even when you
0.3 got into otherwise healthy relationships
0.3 with men who loved you who you know you
0.3 write about I think it was Elliott and
0.3 you you were having relations with him
0.3 once or twice a week which you see right
0.3 was a huge problem for you so you
0.3 weren&;t able to sort of slip into the
0.3 quote-unquote normal relationship right
0.3 and I think that that would have
0.3 required me to surrender myself to a
0.3 kind of intimacy that just felt on from
0.3 unfamiliar to me and I didn&;t really
0.3 know how to how to handle that in the
0.3 healthy way so how did you know things
0.3 had spun out of control that this was a
0.3 suit crossed over to an unmanageable
0.3 place so I known throughout my 20s that
0.3 I had this problem with sex and I just
0.3 didn&;t really know what to do about it
0.3 and I think that that&;s the case for a
0.3 lot of sex addicts especially women you
0.3 don&;t really know where to turn to for
0.3 help but I had been sabotaging many of
0.3 my relationships and I just got to a
0.3 place where I felt really unhappy and
0.3 really stuck and I wanted to change and
0.3 so I&;d sabotage another relationship and
0.3 one that I particularly valued and I
0.3 knew that I wanted to change the men in
0.3 your life were saying you&;re a sex
0.3 addict it came up a few times but in in
0.3 one situation where I was engaged to
0.3 somebody in New York it came up and I
0.3 didn&;t really want to listen to it and I
0.3 was still in denial at that point she
0.3 has an addiction to sex that started at
0.3 age 12 also joining us is Robert Weiss
0.3 author of sex addiction 101
0.3 he&;s a digital age intimacy and
0.3 relationships expert he has not treated
0.3 Erica but he&;s helped here to help us
0.3 put some perspective onto this first let
0.3 me ask you Erica do you do you consider
0.3 yourself currently present-day
0.3 a sex addict I do not you feel like
0.3 you&;ve worked through it
0.3 I consider myself in recovery this xx I
0.3 and I do consider my past as as being a
0.3 sex addict but I don&;t view myself in
0.3 that lens anymore
0.3 hmm you and your husband you write in
0.3 the book you know you&;re still having
0.3 threesomes but it&;s not an addiction for
0.3 you right and you know I&;m a sexual
0.3 being and I&;ve always been experimental
0.3 and open-minded and it really wasn&;t
0.3 about stopping that and cutting off that
0.3 part of myself I really wanted to find
0.3 balance with that and just not feel the
0.3 shame aspect anything getting it under
0.3 control right there&;s a great line in
0.3 the book where you talk about I&;m
0.3 paraphrasing but what if I could go back
0.3 and instead of taking back my sins I
0.3 took back my shame think of that just
0.3 think about that in your own life
0.3 instead of taking back your sins you you
0.3 you take back your shame have you been
0.3 able to do that it&;s an ongoing effort
0.3 but yes and I think it&;s really
0.3 important I don&;t have the desire to
0.3 stay stuck I don&;t have the desire to
0.3 regret my past and and do anything
0.3 destructive that would make me feel bad
0.3 anymore I want to live healthy and I
0.3 want to continue being a healthy sexual
0.3 being without feeling bad about it Rob
0.3 how many sex addicts are women about 25%
0.3 of sex addicts or women when I think
0.3 about it it&;s kind of like with eating
0.3 disorders we have about 25% man in about
0.3 80% women 75 it&;s kind of switched with
0.3 sex we have about 70% men about 30%
0.3 women and the the dangers of the
0.3 internet I mean how how big of a factor
0.3 is that in sex addiction well it&;s the
0.3 accessibility that is really the issue
0.3 you know if I back in the day if I
0.3 wanted to get some porn I had to go
0.3 somewhere go to a store and it was icky
0.3 and I&;d want anyone to see me there and
0.3 I had to rent something there to return
0.3 it now it&;s so immediate it&;s like I
0.3 think of the apps and the online porn
0.3 like having cocaine in the medicine
0.3 cabinet you know it&;s just so easy to
0.3 press that button and there it is and
0.3 there isn&;t that it&;s more like having
0.3 pot and cocaine and then heroin in the
0.3 medicine cabinet talks about sort of the
0.3 gateway through to the darker and darker
0.3 stuff which affected her real life
0.3 relationship so is there anything we can
0.3 do about them and as a mother of three
0.3 children I worry about this well in
0.3 terms of porn there&;s a lot that parents
0.3 need to be doing you know I don&;t know
0.3 that our schools always teach children
0.3 intimacy and sexuality and relationship
0.3 you know they learn to
0.3 birds-and-the-bees in the body parts but
0.3 I think right now parents really need to
0.3 step up and talk to their children about
0.3 intimate and relationship based
0.3 sexuality and they need to be talking
0.3 about internet porn how so well there
0.3 are books out there now I don&;t know if
0.3 parents are aware of it but it&;d be so
0.3 helpful there ah to talk to your
0.3 six-year-old about adult images how to
0.3 talk to your eight-year-old
0.3 these are conversations should be held
0.3 early and young so kids feel comfortable
0.3 bringing saying I saw this mom I don&;t
0.3 know what to do they should feel that
0.3 way rather than I&;ve got to hide this
0.3 and this is bad no machine you know
0.3 there are some people who don&;t believe
0.3 sex addiction is a real thing that&;s
0.3 true is it a real thing well we&;ll have
0.3 a diagnosis in Europe this year and
0.3 we&;ll have a diagnosis in the States
0.3 next year so that&;s kind of going away
0.3 as we see the brain science and you know
0.3 we only have one pleasure center in the
0.3 brain it doesn&;t matter whether I&;m
0.3 doing cocaine or I&;m drinking or I&;m
0.3 gambling or I&;m engaging in sex
0.3 it still is a distracting emotional way
0.3 for me to escape or to feel better a sex
0.3 is sort of like a food addiction in that
0.3 unlike heroin addiction you don&;t have
0.3 to you don&;t show up at you know in your
0.3 day-to-day life heroin is not
0.3 necessarily available but sex is part of
0.3 a normal healthy lifestyle and
0.3 relationship and marriage and what is
0.3 your I mean this is just very brave of
0.3 you very brave of you to put this out
0.3 there and write so openly about it and I
0.3 ask you about your daughter only because
0.3 when I was reading I was like my
0.3 daughter read that you know so how what
0.3 are your feelings about that and why did
0.3 you write the book you know I&;ll cross
0.3 that bridge when I get to it with my
0.3 daughter but I do hope to answer any
0.3 questions she has with just honesty and
0.3 I don&;t think that it&;s wrong for a
0.3 child to see their parent vulnerable and
0.3 to see that I&;ve made some mistakes and
0.3 I&;ve gotten through them and I mean the
0.3 purpose of writing the book was not just
0.3 to extend compassion to myself and
0.3 understand myself better but really to
0.3 help other people who are going through
0.3 this and feeling so alone and so afraid
0.3 but it&;s okay that there&;s somebody out
0.3 there who understands mmm I just can&;t
0.3 tell you how much of an either is for
0.3 women to have a place to talk about this
0.3 I&;ve been treating men and women for
0.3 almost thirty years with sexual intimacy
0.3 disorders and men you know they they
0.3 have a problem they talk about it but
0.3 it&;s so much harder for a woman to come
0.3 forward with a sexual problem we all
0.3 know what names we give women when they
0.3 act out sexually
0.3 and her studs and players you know women
0.3 not so nice we guilt and we shame women
0.3 for being sexual beings at all
0.3 never mind in the way the Erica owns and
0.3 I really admire you Erica because you&;re
0.3 not with a lot of folks I see they
0.3 become very rigid
0.3 you know like I&;m gonna cut sex out or
0.3 I&;m gonna cut it has to be this and
0.3 you&;re saying no I want to be a fluid
0.3 open human being but I don&;t want to do
0.3 things that hurt me or hurt the people I
0.3 love or don&;t allow me to grow my life
0.3 so I think you&;re on the right path
0.3 thank you thank you both so much
0.3 all the best an arrogance book again
0.3 it&;s called getting off is out now
0.3 we&;ll be right back hello today fans
0.3 thanks for checking out our YouTube
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