Explorez «masturbate» à travers cette vidéo publiée sur YouTube

Un éclairage sur « masturbate » par BTH with Dr Q

Mise en ligne par BTH with Dr Q, cette vidéo est disponible sur YouTube
focalisé sur « masturbate »:

Nous avons repéré cette vidéo il y a peu, et elle générait du trafic. Le décompte de Likes indiquait: 14.

La durée (00:50:31s), le titre (S4E1: « Pornography, Masturbation and Self-Pleasure » – The wisdom of a sex addiction therapist) et les informations de l’auteur sont des détails importants à considérer, tout comme la description :« For more information on Charlie’s services, visit: https://www.charliemanselpleydell.co.za/ ».

La plateforme YouTube permet une grande variété de contenus vidéo qui touchent des sujets allant de l’humour à des intérêts personnels divers. Elle met un point d’honneur à fournir un espace sûr et respectueux où chacun peut découvrir de nouveaux points de vue tout en suivant les directives communautaires.

Concevoir un programme pour arrêter cette habitude

Indiquer les étapes essentielles pour éviter les rechutes

• Restreindre l’accès à la pornographie : Activez des logiciels ou extensions pour bloquer les sites explicites.
• Créer un emploi du temps bien organisé : Remplissez votre journée de tâches et de loisirs bien définis.

Faire ressortir la nécessité de l’entraide sociale

• Parler à un sexologue : Un professionnel peut offrir des conseils adaptés.comme ce spécialiste de la chastetéinstallé en France.
• Rejoindre des groupes de soutien : Discuter avec d’autres permet de rester concentré sur ses objectifs.

Recommander des méthodes adaptées pour limiter cette activité

• Remplacer par d’autres activités : Pratiquez le sport ou découvrez de nouveaux hobbies.
• Remplacer cette pratique par des activités alternatives : Essayez le sport ou lancez-vous dans des hobbies inédits.
• Repérer les déclencheurs d’envie : Identifiez les situations qui provoquent ce besoin.

Mesurer les gains d’un arrêt efficace

Illustrer le parcours menant à une meilleure stabilité mentale

L’arrêt entraîne fréquemment une énergie accrue, une humeur plus positive et une concentration plus nette.

Souligner le parcours vers un bonheur véritable et stable

En diminuant la dépendance, on peut expérimenter des bénéfices durables dans tous les aspects de la vie.

Souligner les progrès dans la qualité des interactions sociales

Les liens avec un partenaire s’enrichissent, marqués par une connexion émotionnelle et physique plus forte.

Identifier les raisons de l’élargissement de cette pratique

Analyser la relation entre la solitude et le désir

La solitude et l’insatisfaction dans les relations ou dans la vie personnelle sont également des catalyseurs de cette pratique.

Observer les répercussions de la pornographie sur le comportement humain

La pornographie représente un facteur fondamental. Elle nourrit fréquemment l’envie de se masturber et peut fausser la vision de la sexualité.

Aborder les aspects psychologiques et émotionnels

Le stress, l’anxiété et des manques dans d’autres domaines de la vie peuvent amener à cette pratique compulsive.

Sexualité épanouie : surmonter le défi de la masturbation

Pour certaines personnes, hommes et femmes, la masturbation est un acte naturel souvent associé à l’exploration de la sexualité. Toutefois, lorsque cette pratique prend le dessus et se mue en addiction, elle peut interférer avec divers aspects de la vie, rendant le processus d’arrêt particulièrement difficile.

Identifier les signes et les impacts de la dépendance à la masturbation

Observer les signes d’un comportement addictif

Une personne qui se masturbe fréquemment peut ressentir une perte de contrôle, ce qui peut impacter négativement ses interactions avec son ou sa partenaire.

Réfléchir aux impacts sur le corps et l’esprit

L’excès de masturbation lié à , une perte de vitalité ou une insatisfaction dans la vie sexuelle.

Établir une définition précise de la masturbation et de ses pratiques

La masturbation, perçue comme une pratique sexuelle naturelle, apporte souvent des bienfaits tels qu’une réduction du stress et une meilleure connaissance corporelle. Mais son excès peut conduire à des complications.

Pour clore

Mettre fin à la masturbation fréquente est un processus qui requiert patience et persévérance. Avec une approche structurée et le soutien adéquat, il est possible de surmonter cette épreuve et de récolter les bienfaits d’une vie plus harmonieuse et focalisée sur des objectifs épanouissants.

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#S4E1 #Pornographie #masturbation #assiette #sagesse #dun #thérapeute #dépendance #sexuelle

Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: now we’re going back to square one making fire [Music] [Music] I suppose if I watch um a particular clip uh more than three times or a number of times I would want something else because eventually you get bored that might not stimulate you as much as it did when you watched it the first couple precisely precisely well I mean too like um you know I’ve I’ve certainly noticed from having spoken to a few parents about their kids and stuff like they can’t concentrate at school um I think there can be problems with sleep disturbance you know there’s there’s many many consequences I think to the other problem is they start to develop this very powerful Fantasy World um again when you look at people who develop a problem with pornography like I’ve mentioned yeah pornography and masturbation just go hand in hand um they are literally like it’s like bread and butter yeah um so what I would actually say to a pornography addict is you’ve also got to stop masturbating as well welcome to be on the headlines uh with me Dr Q please feel free to call me Q uh for the next hour is it okay if I call you Charlie absolutely that’ be great thanks okay Charlie I want to know before we even start why do we do why do you do the work that you do um to be frank with you the reason why I do the work that I do is because I’ve had my own checkered history with addiction okay uh now um actually I originally came to this country back in April 2006 uh because I had a major problem uh with drugs alcohol and sex addiction and sex addiction it’s almost like pornography addiction is kind of like a subset of sex addiction in many ways it’s online sex addiction yeah um it still uh involves compulsive Behavior um viewing of um sexual activity on a screen um and obviously masturbating to it is is um uh provided as a compulsive pattern of doing it over many years uh to my mind you know constitutes what we’re talking about when we’re talk about pornography addiction so I came here in April 2006 uh for my own treatment and addiction and eventually ended up settling down here um and really back in those days SE addiction was just a twinkling in people’s eye it was something that was being mentioned it was being talked about but on a very um minimal level so uh how old you are you at the time I was 32 32 so why South Africa why did you come to South Africa and from where were you I am from the UK but at that stage I was living in South America uh working out there as a tool leader for an English company and um I was fast losing control of my life in South America um and I happened to bump into a school friend when I came ironically to South Africa um in November 2005 and he told me the best person to see was this gentleman in Harley Street in London who I went to go and see he then told me that the best place for treatment ironically was what I just come from South Africa oh Cape Town yeah um so I went out to South America again for about four or five months and everything he predicted came through things got much much worse because you see addiction is a progressive illness yeah it escalates over many years it gets worse if it gets un untreated and it just got infinitely worse to the point where I just called him and said I can’t do this anymore yeah I need help um and that’s a big struggle for an addict because we’re in denial that we have a problem you see addiction is characterized by denial system where we justify minimize or rationalize or or or manipulate in various ways to convince ourselves that we don’t really have a problem when all the evidence is there that we do yeah yeah and uh you said there’s many different layers of uh you said pornography Falls uh in the sex category I think that’s how he faced it uh so I’m assuming there’s different layers of such addictions what was your addiction in particular was it watching porn or was it something else it was basically um it was basically my my sort of key key struggle or or problem uh in terms of addicted Behavior Uh was drinking alcohol at first Le and then once I drunk alcohol I convinced myself that I um then wanted to use drugs so i’ look for cocaine namely cocaine and then I’d go and act out sexually with women yeah okay um so um and that became a pattern and a repeated pattern and more and more and more of a problem yeah um and and what would happen in instances where you couldn’t find a woman um well to be frank with you um and I guess this is me being more vulnerable and honest yeah because when we confront addiction we have to learn to be brutally honest with ourselves um actually what I would do was I would go uh procure sex workers so sex workers and drugs very much became uh very much my my two drugs of choice along with pornography too you know so so so so it’s it’s a very vicious and unpleasant and destructive toxic mix yeah um and um like I said the problem is it gets worse addiction gets worse if you’ve got the problem clear signs of what we call escalation or uh or progression and that’s one of the key ways in which you diagnose addiction it’s a little bit like Dr Q when it comes to pornography two of the most important questions I will ask pornography adct is firstly are you spending more amounts of Time online looking at the same material or are you finding that you look at more and more extreme genres of pornography yeah because what what would qualify as extreme GES well we’re talking about uh it could potentially be stuff that uh because very often when you start as a porn addict certain um certain genres uh of sex um or of porography might be uh certainly deemed to you to be uh absolutely disgusting and awful and you never look at them yeah but this is the problem with pornography is that and I think this is something that’s characterized a lot of people who have a problem with addiction is they’re driven a lot by need for excitement and they’re driven a lot by a deep sense of curiosity oh what’s this you know let me look at this ah this is this is not very nice I didn’t really want to look at that but then it kind of uh what I find is is sometimes it can actually Peak their interest and they go back to it so they could start looking at stuff like certainly BDSM I mean there are so many different genres BDSM uh that’s got a lot to do with um with pain exchange sex um and simply s masochism yeah um so that’s got to do uh with uh sexual arousal being based on pain for example yeah um but again what we’re looking for here is an obsessive relationship with pornography I think there’s a lot of people who look at porn um and uh they may say to themselves well it doesn’t matter because everybody looking at porn but the key question I always ask my patients at Dr Q is is how much porn do you look at yeah and in variably that requires an honest answer too because we don’t want to admit that we’ve got a problem so a different genres could be could be stuff going even into Sheil it could even be um uh uh squirting it could even be um uh face shots you know it’s it’s it’s like there’s no limits really to the kind of pornography that people will seek out and start looking at because it gives them an arisal and and a thrill and and the problem is is this this thing that we call internet pornography doesn’t come with a warning label like cigarettes do or alcohol doesn’t come with a age restriction and that’s why I even get some parents uh you know inquiring and saying to me that their children have discovered pornography they’ve even been looking at it for years some of them and they’re 30 11 10 113 you know and the problem is is really by then that their uh the beginnings of their sexual arousal template as human beings is starting to be developed you also got to remember that uh teenagers are uh uh their brains are developing in many facets of life one of those is sexually um so unfortunately pornography can uh can certainly put a very destructive imprint on a teenager’s mind in terms of the concept of sex while there I was reading this article just yesterday it was published by um this lady she’s a professor at s University and in her findings she found that when teenagers watch too much pornography uh they sort of like uh catalyze the process I don’t know what you call it but uh instead of things happening organically uh they are now uh self-induced right and and and and that works against them completely can you expand in that please well that makes sense to me because uh let me explain some Concepts about pornography something that they’ve seen is uh that pornography uh really appeals to a concept that we call supern normal stimuli okay now supernormal stimuli means that the exaggerated version gives a greater pull or hit than the real thing so that basically means that for example looking at pornography becomes far more exciting that’s the exaggerated version than the real thing me actually being sexual with another human being you know um and uh that makes a lot of sense what you think about it because uh when you look at uh uh cly the porn models in a pornography very often they might have had some kind of uh surgery enhancement uh breast enlargement the men have enormous penises um and um the whole thing in many Rays is a a highly stimulating exaggeration I should we say exaggerated version of what sex perhaps might be shall we say on a more healthy level where one is actually making love to somebody and perhaps there’s eye contact and it’s an actual uh emotional experience as opposed to a sexual fix you so I mean um I think that’s important to bear in mind I think what they’ve also seen too uh son is that dopam is uh that pornography completely plays with dopamine levels what they’ve seen certain is that dopamine surges with sexual novelty of course where can you find the most sexual novelty in the world on the internet that’s what keeps people looking at porn for hours is each new clip gives a head of dopamine so if you have 25 tabs across your screen you’re going to get 25 hits of dopamin and you might keep looking for more but as invariably as porn addicts we looking for the perfect clip that literally meets the fantasy in our mind and that’s an important concept actually uh Dr Q is it what drives or generates uh certainly pornography addiction is this very powerful intense obsessive fantasy world yeah and what they’ve seen too is there’s a feedback loop between fantasy and porn so once I start looking at porn it generates a lot of fantasy and then once I’m fantasizing I want to go back to the porn yeah so it creates this very powerful feedback loop of fantasy porn fantasy porn fantasy porn and could it’s a progressive illness like like I’ve certainly mentioned about addiction yeah uh certain clip or genres just might not do it anymore so now because we want a bigger hit we’ll keep looking for new genres or new clips I suppose if I watch um a particular clip uh more than three times or a number of times I would want something else because eventually you get bored that might not stimulate you as much as it did when you watched it the first couple precisely precisely what is sex and uh yeah we’ve got this idea of what sex is but I’ve I’ve listened to a number of uh podcasts actually and I would get experts uh explaining and you touched on it a bit explaining what sex isn’t and uh one of the examples that they make is when we watch pornography for instance uh we see all these uh ridiculous uh positions that people uh do and uh we see these uh gigantic organs you made an example of can you can you tell me more about that about that just in terms of what my perception of sex is yes well well I think you know um it’s like again I can tell you certainly what unhealthy sex is and perhaps I can provide some insight as to what healthy sex is I think certainly unhealthy sex as has a lot to do with anything that leaves you feeling guilty or ashamed yeah um and unfortunately uh life experiences um when you actually look at sex addiction for example there’s there’s this guy in the States called Patrick K who was the first guy to turn uh uh the word or or the um the clinical description sex addiction yeah and he did studies over many years and he he he basically came up with figures that 98% of sex addicts have been emotionally abused I think it’s 84% have been sexually abused in 76 physically so so so people that develop a problem with this kind of problem sex addiction there’s normally a lot of trauma yeah and Trauma sexual trauma is bad news for one’s relationship with sex yeah because it can make it very problematic and very difficult you know um but I think certainly unhealthy sex has a lot to do uh with potentially unconsciously replaying out your traumas without even knowing that you’re doing it um a lot to do with shame a lot to do with guilt um and sometimes it could obviously abusive certainly be abusive if if it’s used as a power tool for example for exploitation or manipulation but I think healthy sex um in many ways is kind of a byproduct of a strong emotional connection as a couple um so it’s almost like it’s an extension or it flows from a loving romantic connection that a couple has yeah um and U it’s something I think that certainly couple is able to sustain now that’s not easy at all yeah I think it’s difficult for couples in this day and age to sustain their sexually intimate relationship yeah um but um I think it has a lot to do with uh a very deep mutual respect for each other you know and also in many ways a desire to uh please and to pleasure your partner first and foremost before your own pleasure yeah I think that’s important you know and and and and to sizes matter you you mentioned size do those things matter and should they matter do you know what it’s it’s actually very interesting you said that because a lot of sexually addicted men that I have treated very often there’s been an issue around sexual dysfunction with them has kind of coupled the sex addiction um and quite a few of them have expressed that they have had massive Hang-Ups with their size now what’s interesting is um from conversations I’ve had with other people um I can’t say for certain this applies to everyone Dr q but I’m not exactly convinced that size matters that much to women yes it might to some or to a few yeah but I’m not convinced that that that’s necessarily the major issue for all women yeah um it might be an issue for some yeah but I think uh what I think certainly men women want is is is a is a connection you know um an emotional connection um that that that is expressed actually you know uh through through intimacy you know through through through through intimate contact yeah so so I mean this is the problem is like porn shows us Size Matters the bigger the better but it’s that a real depiction of reality in the real world yeah is it you know I don’t think so it’s not is it that’s why I spoke about super normal stimuli yeah um and how um for me in many ways you know pornography is the epitomy of super normal stimuli because literally the exaggerated version of porn gives a far greater hit than the real thing these poor women and I say this to every woman that I meet that uh who’s a partner of a pornography addict that I treat I always say to them you know there’s no woman on this planet that can compete with yeah it doesn’t matter how beautiful or attractive that partner is you know uh we’re literally up against something so powerful neuroscientifically in the brain in terms of how it just delivers this seismic dopamine head yeah um so women can’t compete with with poor things you know um but that’s why in many ways you know pornography it’s it’s a big problem I believe it’s a worldwide epidemic yeah and I’m very worried about what it’s doing to our kids and uh especially the generation since in this country since 2007 because that was when we got Broadband in this country and it’s very notable Dr Q with my patients many of them reported that their pornography addiction escalated from 2007 when we got Broadband damn wow um that’s very interesting because uh I ran a poll on social media I was asking people about masturbation and pornography and one of the questions was uh if they watch porn uh while they masturbate and 75% of them uh sorry 66.7% of them said yes they do they can’t have uh they can’t masturbate without watching uh anything m so I find that to be very true and I guess if we if you round this off we would even say 95% of them uh said yes because some of them said sometimes they watch you know that’s a very high proportion and I think you’re alluding to something actually very uh very poignant because when you look at my patients when they struggle with pornography uction it’s almost like masturbation for the vast majority of them and again I can’t say all of them but the vast majority joy to them it’s this um extremely lethal uh marriage of pornography and masturbation um it’s almost like you you wouldn’t do one without the other it’s literally like bread and butter or siamese twins you know it has to go together yeah um in fact actually one of the questions that I’ve asked patients in the past is that when you look at pornography um would you say that 80% of the time you masturbate uh with pornography or without and when you look at por adct a very very high proportion of them will say I wouldn’t do one without the other um so yeah it seems to be for the vast majority of the time that um that is the case that correlation if we had a system where um people can’t have access to pawn do you think the numbers would go down um that’s a very interesting question um it’s a difficult one isn’t it because um I’m not sure it’s it’s very very difficult hey um I look it’s very possible that the numbers would go down but of course then it would just go underground wouldn’t it you know and people would find illicit and illegal means of accessing it you know um and that could make the problem um it could potentially make it worse you know um but it’s it’s like also the solution is not to just let it be as it is either I think I believe in austral in Australia they’ve started to stop kids I think kids who are under 16 are not allowed smartphones three weeks ago they passed that three weeks ago yeah that could help uhe to protect our kids it’s it’s it’s a sad thing when a patient calls uh certainly when when a a parent calls me Dr q and says I’ve just discovered that my son’s been is who’s 13 has been looking at pornography for three years it’s it’s devastating for patients um for parents should I say because they just feel so defenseless you know much like certainly women too but what you can do is actually put blockers on your cell phone on literally all your devices and that can really help and yes many people get around them that’s true yeah but at least it can stall in many ways the compulsion uh to to want to act out or he put it off for a day but but then you can do that um put the uh put those blockers on your web browser or um whatever but then you’ve got another problem you’ve got social media nowadays and there you can easily access pornography I was just having a conversation with a friend yesterday he was there and uh the gentleman was saying he’s in his 40s and he was saying why would you want to stop watching porn why would you want to stop masturbating and he went as far as saying that um you know uh we don’t even need the Internet because Twitter p is even more uh fun than what you get on the internet well that’s an interesting question isn’t I mean I think um if you’re in an exclusive relationship then how fair is it to your partner that you’re looking at if you’re not that’s your choice fine no problem that’s absolutely lutely your choice if you want to keep looking at pornography but in in the context of exclusivity in a relationship um to my mind it’s very important to abstain from porn um I know some couples like to look at it together but if one of them’s got a problem with porn then it’s just going to fuel uh the problems in the relationship um and potentially there relationship and I always use this word do relationship with porn relationship with sex sex addiction and pornography addiction is not about porn sex it’s about your relationship with pornography and sex yeah so if I’m hearing you correctly you are saying that if one does it in moderation maybe I do it once a month um would it still qualify as a problem completely depends on the person completely depends on the person if you are vulnerable to addiction and very often addiction is genetic by the way very often we’ve got family members or it’s also uh certainly mirrored to us you I’m a huge believer that addiction is something that’s mirrored and also gened so if you’re vulnerable to addiction then I would stay away from it because you may well be prone to developing a problem with it there are certainly many people in this world who don’t suffer from addiction and maybe they can look at it um but it’s still it’s still concerns me in terms of the general overview of how Society perceives and engages in terms of intimacy and healthy intimacy yeah um because let’s face it you know pornography is not exactly something that promotes healthy intimacy uh it’s it’s got a lot to do with um with uh to my mind you know power sacks money you know that that that sort of famous triangle you know um and um it’s it’s you’ve got to remember that when people start looking at pornography what it does is it rearranges their sexual arisal template and this is literally why I’ve had many women coming to me and saying to me he doesn’t want to have sex with me and I look at them and say well I’m not surprised if he’s been looking at porn for five years um he he’s he’s trained his brain to only respond to sexual stimuli on a screen rather than you as his uh his partner yeah that’s the problem with porn is it rearranges our sexual arisal template um and this is why I say that women can’t compete with somebody who’s stuck in an addiction to pornography it’s very very difficult yeah um I do think in some way we need to at least at least be protecting our kids from it yeah because they’re the future and if they’re being subjected to porn at a young age what does that say for the future of intimacy as a society and psychologically what are the effects of of pornography well I mean too like um uh you know I’ve I’ve I certainly noticed from having spoken to a few parents about their kids um stuff like they can’t concentrate at school um I think there can be problems with sleep disturbance you know there’s there’s many many consequences I think to the other problem is they start to develop this very powerful fantasy world sexual fantasy world that’s very obsessive Not all men fantasizes that’s normal but when you look at sax and porn addicts they are very obsessive in their in in their fantasies about sex yeah it’s like it’s like if if a um a guy is walking down the street Dr Q he sees a nice girl he says wow she’s hot you know um and he’s moved on from her like uh uh 30 seconds a minute later I don’t think we’re dealing with somebody who’s got a problem with sex addiction yeah but if a guy walks down the street and he he looks at girl say wow she’s hot you know and and and he starts obsessing about her as he walks away he might even start following her yeah then we have a problem can you see it’s got so much to do with Obsession and compulsion but isn’t that how uh I’m going to make reference to young men uh because just thinking of myself when I was growing up teenagers would usually say that they’ be like and then they would follow the girl and then they would start call I think it’s teens that’s yeah I mean I absolutely hear you I think that’s normal yeah but it’s again remember when we’re dealing with addiction uh uh especially a process addiction like pornal sex addiction is it’s a problem that develops over time over many years it doesn’t just mean just cuz a team starts chasing a girl that is got a problem uh we always have to remember that addiction is take is certainly something that takes many many years to develop and I believe if I’m not mistaken that the clinical world doesn’t like to diagnose uh kids as adct until they’re at least 18 or more having said that you know I Can See Clearly from some of the patients who life treated in sort of uh prea uh that they’ve clearly developed a problem with pornography use you know with certainly adictive pornography use but generally speaking uh it’s not good to diagnose kids with addiction until at least the 18 or more but isn’t that too late if say for instance my kid starts watching porn at the age of 12 13 um and it goes on until whenever isn’t it better to stop it earlier than to wait until they’re 18 and you make a very good point you know it’s it’s I know that’s that’s the general rule of thumb but it doesn’t mean to say that people have developed should we say have already developed a problem with porn even from the age of 12 up until late if they’ve been looking for six years there’s a good chance the thing about addiction is it very much exists and Dr Q like all mental health on a spectrum you know some people I think suffer from addiction more severely than others know um but again you’ve got to think about genetics too you know um so um yeah I believe that we do have certain addicts who are under un 18 um but um having said that like I said generally speaking there’s a preference not to diagnose people with addiction till they 18 or more okay doctor so uh we Charlie Charlie um we we we we’ve got a number of people that indicated that they they they’ve been wanting to stop masturbating but they just can’t stop why is that tell me are they masturbating with or without pornography they masturbate they watch pornography a majority of them uh watches pornography okay look it’s a different one it’s difficult one isn’t it uh doctor because um Dr Q because um uh I think certainly masturbation is a very normal part of actually growing up as a boy you know um but when you start throwing in pornography on a young developing mind and it’s that powerful and it delivers that strong a dopamine head then we’re meddling with the brain and we’re meddling with a child’s development yeah so I think again if there’s an introduction to masturbation at a at a young age again when you look at porn addicts and sex addicts they tend to have what we call a sexualized childhood again kids are supposed to be kids they’re not to be sexual beings until a certain age you so um that’s a problem we also live in a very sexualized Society you know um I don’t think that’s helping either you know um and kids are sort of expected to um you know that there’s it’s pressure I think from society for kids to be uh to be more sort of older or more developed than they actually are or might be you know um I don’t think pornography helps that at all because what it’s teaching kids is that excuse me this is literally normal sex you know it’s normal to to to be um like for example that engaging sexual activity uh where um actually we a man is dominating a woman with with an enormous penis you know and and a woman with huge enhanced breast you know it’s it’s that’s not living in the real world that’s why porn and fantasy is this lethal marriage is this lethal marriage um we’ve got we’ve got uh people living in households where uh the parents and the kids are sharing rooms and uh in the middle of the night you know what would happen between the mother and father how does that uh contribute to this uh that’s a very interesting question you know because um I’ve actually come across a few patients who’ve actually said as kids they could hear their parents being sexual yeah um and I think again depending on a child um it might have affected them in in a certain way that that it created some kind of curiosity you know um or um they might have certainly developed problems with voyerism you know where we like to watch sex um it might even create problems and I’ve known patients literally uh to to to hide out in covers and listen to couples being sexual and you’ve always got to ask yourself where did that come from where did that desire that specific preference for that sexual behavior come from and again we have to look at trauma because trauma is is the the um uh to my mind is what ignites uh problems with sex and pornography addiction specific to this addiction yeah um so um it’s it it could cause problems in answer to your question do but it kind of depends on the individual again you know we have to remember that we all Unique Individuals and we perceive things in different ways you know um and what might be okay for one child and water off a duck’s back might be really damaging to another child so it completely depends do you know what I found interesting when uh I was uh conducting this survey uh so one of the questions I asked was uh the agid of the people that participated and the majority of people that responded are people that I would think are in relationships they’re between ages uh 20 to uh 49 okay 50 upwards and 13 to 19 constitute a smaller percentage but these are the very same people that are so hooked on pornography and when asked whether uh they would want to stop masturbating uh many of them said yes and um but with a few that I had a privilege to uh engage with they said uh you know what uh much as I said I want to I’m not sure if I want to you know there’s that but many of them also indicate that um after they they watch pornography and after they masturbate they have this uh deep sense of regret yeah yeah so so what causes that regret number one and number two if I were to come to you and say I am suffering from a porn addiction M how would you help me okay um first and foremost I think uh just talking about the masturbation aspect yeah um again when you look at people who develop a problem with pornography like I’ve mentioned yeah pornography and masturbation just go hand in hand um they are literally like it’s like bread and butter yeah um so what I would actually say to a pornography addict is you’ve also got to stop masturbating as well because if they suffer from addiction they might say to themselves well I can’t look at porn but I can masturbate now what if they are masturbation to fantasies of porn that they’ve looked at what you where do you think that’s going to take them back to take them back to the porn of course so that’s why it’s so important to uh to address the pornography the masturbation and the fantasy and I think it’s very important for example one tool I give my patients is that when they start fantasizing sexually fantasizing about wanting to act out as we call it sexually act out yeah and often sexual acting out has to do with soothing feelings so I might resent my boss my way of dealing with it uh is to sexualize my feelings by uh masturbation to porn that might be something that I’ve learned to do from a young age it’s it’s just become habit it’s become my way of dealing with my feelings addiction has all to do with escaping feelings and reality so I mean I think um I would strongly re uh uh suggest that they not only stop looking at pornography but they also stop masturbating too so it’s almost like they need to come into into into abstinence but if it was that easy I think people would have stopped yeah um if it was e you’re right if it was easy they would have stopped but that’s why they come to me because they can’t stop that’s why they’ll come to me inside and very often 95% of patients only come and see me when they get CAU [Music] 5% might come to me and say I think I’ve a got a problem but to be honest a very high proportion only come when their Partners catch them and there tends to be a a pattern over many years where they’ve been caught and sometimes the partner might give them an timation like either you get help or it’s over and sometimes we need that you know um so um I think um I think in terms of treating uh certainly uh pornography m verion uh the formula for recovery so we call it recovery when you come uh Sly into a place you stop acting at so you’re either in addiction or you’re in recovery doctor Q yeah uh so recovery entails a simple formula recovery from addiction uh is uh certainly um uh uh uh Sor I’m just reminding myself here a recovery equals abstinence so I stop acting out plus change yeah recovery doesn’t equal abstinence because if I just abstain and I don’t change the way I think and change the way I behave what’s going to happen I’m going to go back because addiction is a progressive illness if I don’t um confront it and admit to myself that I’ve got a problem um then it’s just going to get worse yeah um so um it’s a problem I think that also requires support groups as well well um and and I think certainly being with other people who struggle from the same problem too I think strength and numbers can really help um and it’s obviously too you know we need to go into into their past and look at their problems with trauma how they developed problems through trauma um look at the way they’ve grown up in terms of uh the way their parents have mirrored intimacy to them you know um and uh give them tools and exercises to help raise their awareness our great weapon Against Addiction is selfawareness I I I really think it’s not an easy easy uh thing to do once once you get hooked uh it’s very hard to step out and uh I say this because when I interact with uh people gents in particular and not ladies they tell you my guy uh once you’re in the thing uh it’s prison for life so it’s either it’s either you accept it or you live in regret uh for the most part of your life because even if if they are in relationships they would say um there’s a point where you just want to do it yourself and you’re not intimate with your partner that’s why something you mentioned earlier that’s really important to work with with a porn addict is the shame guilt and regret that they feel after they’ve acted out yeah and that maybe because they’ve promised themselves the last time they’d never do it again and there’s another sign of addiction yeah um years and years of of repeated broken failed false promises um and there’s that sense of hopelessness I’ve done it again after a month you yeah um and that can be very sroy and very upsetting and a lot of people I think don’t realize that there’s help out there there is help but you’ve got to want to get better you’ve got to want to stop and sometimes that can mean a spouse saying if you don’t stop looking at Paul is over sometimes we need that you know but what about people who get a scent of relief and they get excitement after doing it and they have no regret and they’ve been doing it for the past 15 20 years well if that’s what they enjoy doing and they have no desire often to be in a relationship that’s fine that’s their choice I think you start to realize you’ve got a problem with addiction when it starts impacting on your life so there’s consequences Dr Q that’s key you’re starting to experience consequences for your behavior interesting then you you you you you reference a lot of men you reference a lot of boy kids boy children what about girl children what about women very good question I suspect that pornography and I do get inquiries from a woman very few but I suspect that pornography is actually hugely underdiagnosed in woman and I think it’s very difficult for them to come forward and to say I’ve got a problem certainly when there’s should we say double standard that men must be the sexual species yeah um so yeah I I suspect it is a problem amongst women uh but it’s it’s it’s most slightly underdiagnosed interesting uh so I have 9.3 females that responded here by the way um you can work out the number I got I I got uh 75 in total so everybody that participated here indicated that they watch they they masturbate literally everyone here but then uh whenever we talk about masturbation and pornography I’ve realized that women are usually left out it’s it’s just men and uh even in your studies uh they talk about uh boys they talk about men they don’t talk about women it’s like what you’re saying ween have been underdiagnosed I think so yeah yeah what’s what could be the issue what’s the contributing factor to that I think like I’ve said I think it’s very difficult for women to come forward and say look I think I’ve got a problem I think it’s shameful enough for men to do but it’s even harder for women because they’re not expected to be the ones that should shall we say have this problem yeah it should be men but that’s not true because ICT ition is prevalent in men and women so who’s to say that they can’t also develop problems with it too you know it’s it’s just I think it’s very difficult for women to come forward because of the double standard and the and and the Deep degrees of Shame you know um it’s not at all easy for them and if I am suffering from uh this type of addiction and I come to you how long will it take for me to uh fully recover completely depends completely depends on your desire to get better I think we often talk in recovery about something called The Gift of desperation which ironically is an anacronym for God because I do believe that uh we need in some way to have some kind of a relationship with God or a higher power whatever you want to call it something that’s more powerful than the addiction because uh certainly many people say that addiction is a is a spiritual problem it’s spiritual bankruptcy and that we need to leave a spiritual life to help us to get better um so it can completely depend Dr on your desire to get better and how just how much you’re in touch with your consequences yeah because the addiction will keep on taking from you it doesn’t care yeah this is what’s so sad when you suffer from addiction is it’s like having a split personality structure with uh shall we say a public life and a secret life and it’s like you’re living a double life literally two two lives yeah um and I think a lot of therapy is about merging or amalgamating those two lives together so that we’re living a more authentic life that’s not to say we go and Shout at the from the Treetops I’m a sex addict or I’m a board addict yeah people don’t need to know that yeah um it’s about getting into the right community of people who can help you to get better and stay sober one day at a time so I’m a 13 year old I leave when U I’ll say previously just advantaged area I don’t have access to uh your services what do I do how would you advise me to step out of uh pornography it’s something I recently got introduced to as I stepped into teenage how how do I keep myself uh out of that trap well you’re talking about uh a major problem I think in this country we’re talking about a major problem because there’s no support for teenagers um that uh it’s and so any support that is available uh is not affordable to them so um to my mind you know Somewhere in Time we need to start creating community support groups for teenss who’ve got huge problems with porn you know because this is the the thing is we can’t confront this problem on our own we need to confront it together yeah and that’s really really key because there’s no actual um uh clinical support um for teens who are struggling with pornography addiction it’s it’s just it’s hasn’t been thought well I mean it’s to my knowledge it’s not available yet but there’s people who I work with who are creating a lot more awareness about pornography and how destructive it is I think there’s quite a campaign because as I’ve said it is an epidemic not just in this country but in the world yeah yeah damn I think it’s it all go it all goes back to this easy access to the internet that’s exactly the problem Dr because I’m just thinking when I was growing up uh we used to go to the soccer fields we used to do uh Sports we used to do we had things that kept us busy and then if you look at uh I’m not saying I’m that old but if you look at today’s kids uh they are usually on their phones like this all the time that’s the way Society is going yeah we’re becoming a society that relates to each other through screens rather than through speech and connection no maybe eventually there’ll be a backlash you know who who knows who knows you hopefully I’m sure a I’m sure you know AI will have something to say about that you know but um yeah are you are you available online uh for people that would like to have a conversation with you but are not based uh in in uh Johannesburg sure basically I have a website um I’m contactable via that website um and uh it’s also got my phone on that website so yeah okay do you mind if we uh put them uh on our bio just so whoever watches and listens can be able to get access to you if they need you absolutely thank you so much pleasure it’s a pleasure Dr Q thank you very much this has been very wonderful good good un BL her much appreciated it pleasure we going back to square one making fire [Music] [Music] now .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

0.04 now we&;re going back to square one
0.04 making fire
0.04 [Music]
0.04 [Music]
0.04 I suppose if I watch um a particular
0.04 clip uh more than three times or a
0.04 number of times I would want something
0.04 else because eventually you get
0.04 bored that might not stimulate you as
0.04 much as it did when you watched it the
0.04 first couple precisely precisely well I
0.04 mean too like um you know I&;ve I&;ve
0.04 certainly noticed from having spoken to
0.04 a few parents about their kids and stuff
0.04 like they can&;t concentrate at school
0.04 um I think there can be problems with
0.04 sleep disturbance you know there&;s
0.04 there&;s many many consequences I think
0.04 to the other problem is they start to
0.04 develop this very powerful Fantasy World
0.04 um again when you look at people who
0.04 develop a problem with pornography like
0.04 I&;ve mentioned yeah pornography and
0.04 masturbation just go hand in hand um
0.04 they are literally like it&;s like bread
0.04 and butter yeah um so what I would
0.04 actually say to a pornography addict is
0.04 you&;ve also got to stop masturbating as
0.04 well
0.04 welcome to be on the headlines uh with
0.04 me Dr Q please feel free to call me Q uh
0.04 for the next
0.04 hour is it okay if I call you Charlie
0.04 absolutely that&; be great thanks okay
0.04 Charlie I want to know before we even
0.04 start why do we do why do you do the
0.04 work that you do um to be frank with you
0.04 the reason why I do the work that I do
0.04 is because I&;ve had my own checkered
0.04 history with addiction okay uh
0.04 now um actually I originally came to
0.04 this
0.04 country back in April
0.04 2006 uh because I had a major problem uh
0.04 with drugs alcohol and sex
0.04 addiction and sex addiction it&;s almost
0.04 like pornography addiction is kind of
0.04 like a subset of sex addiction in many
0.04 ways it&;s online sex addiction yeah um
0.04 it still uh involves compulsive Behavior
0.04 um viewing of um sexual activity on a
0.04 screen um and obviously masturbating to
0.04 it is is um uh provided as a compulsive
0.04 pattern of doing it over many years uh
0.04 to my mind you know constitutes what
0.04 we&;re talking about when we&;re talk
0.04 about pornography addiction so I came
0.04 here in April
0.04 2006 uh for my own treatment and
0.04 addiction and eventually ended up
0.04 settling down here um and really back in
0.04 those days SE addiction was just a
0.04 twinkling in people&;s eye it was
0.04 something that was being mentioned it
0.04 was being talked about but on a very um
0.04 minimal
0.04 level so uh how old you are you at the
0.04 time I was 32 32 so why South Africa why
0.04 did you come to South Africa and from
0.04 where were you I am from the UK but at
0.04 that stage I was living in South America
0.04 uh working out there as a tool leader
0.04 for an English company and um I was fast
0.04 losing control of my life in South
0.04 America um and I happened to bump into a
0.04 school friend when I came ironically to
0.04 South Africa um in November 2005 and he
0.04 told me the best person to see was this
0.04 gentleman in Harley Street in London who
0.04 I went to go and see he then told me
0.04 that the best place for treatment
0.04 ironically was what I just come from
0.04 South Africa oh Cape Town yeah um so I
0.04 went out to South America again for
0.04 about four or five months and everything
0.04 he predicted came through things got
0.04 much much worse because you see
0.04 addiction is a progressive illness yeah
0.04 it escalates over many years it gets
0.04 worse if it gets un
0.04 untreated and it just got infinitely
0.04 worse to the point where I just called
0.04 him and said I can&;t do this anymore
0.04 yeah I need help um and that&;s a big
0.04 struggle for an addict because we&;re in
0.04 denial that we have a problem you see
0.04 addiction is characterized by denial
0.04 system where we justify minimize or
0.04 rationalize or or or manipulate in
0.04 various ways to convince ourselves that
0.04 we don&;t really have a problem when all
0.04 the evidence is there that we do yeah
0.04 yeah and uh you said there&;s many
0.04 different layers of uh you said
0.04 pornography Falls uh in the sex category
0.04 I think that&;s how he faced it uh so I&;m
0.04 assuming there&;s different layers of
0.04 such addictions what was your addiction
0.04 in particular was it watching porn or
0.04 was it something else it was basically
0.04 um it was basically my my sort of key
0.04 key struggle or or problem uh in terms
0.04 of addicted Behavior Uh was drinking
0.04 alcohol at first Le and then once I
0.04 drunk alcohol I convinced myself that I
0.04 um then wanted to use drugs so i&; look
0.04 for cocaine namely cocaine and then I&;d
0.04 go and act out sexually with women yeah
0.04 okay um so um and that became a pattern
0.04 and a repeated pattern and more and more
0.04 and more of a problem yeah um and and
0.04 what would happen in instances where you
0.04 couldn&;t find a
0.04 woman um well to be frank with you um
0.04 and I guess this is me being more
0.04 vulnerable and honest yeah because when
0.04 we confront addiction we have to learn
0.04 to be brutally honest with ourselves
0.04 um actually what I would do was I would
0.04 go uh procure sex workers so sex workers
0.04 and drugs very much became uh very much
0.04 my my two drugs of choice along with
0.04 pornography too you know so so so so
0.04 it&;s it&;s a very vicious and unpleasant
0.04 and destructive toxic mix yeah um and um
0.04 like I said the problem is it gets worse
0.04 addiction gets worse if you&;ve got the
0.04 problem clear signs of what we call
0.04 escalation or uh or progression and
0.04 that&;s one of the key ways in which you
0.04 diagnose addiction it&;s a little bit
0.04 like Dr Q when it comes to pornography
0.04 two of the most important questions I
0.04 will ask pornography adct is firstly are
0.04 you spending more amounts of Time online
0.04 looking at the same
0.04 material or are you finding that you
0.04 look at more and more extreme genres of
0.04 pornography yeah because what what would
0.04 qualify as extreme GES well we&;re
0.04 talking about uh it could potentially be
0.04 stuff that uh because very often when
0.04 you start as a porn addict
0.04 certain um certain genres uh of sex um
0.04 or of porography might be uh certainly
0.04 deemed to you to be uh absolutely
0.04 disgusting and awful and you never look
0.04 at them yeah but this is the problem
0.04 with pornography is that and I think
0.04 this is something that&;s characterized a
0.04 lot of people who have a problem with
0.04 addiction is they&;re driven a lot by
0.04 need for excitement and they&;re driven a
0.04 lot by a deep sense of
0.04 curiosity oh what&;s this you know let me
0.04 look at this ah this is this is not very
0.04 nice I didn&;t really want to look at
0.04 that but then it kind
0.04 of uh what I find is is sometimes it can
0.04 actually Peak their interest and they go
0.04 back to it so they could start looking
0.04 at stuff like certainly BDSM I mean
0.04 there are so many different genres BDSM
0.04 uh that&;s got a lot to do with um with
0.04 pain exchange sex um and simply s
0.04 masochism yeah um so that&;s got to do uh
0.04 with uh sexual arousal being based on
0.04 pain for example yeah um but again what
0.04 we&;re looking for here is an obsessive
0.04 relationship with pornography I think
0.04 there&;s a lot of people who look at porn
0.04 um and uh they may say to themselves
0.04 well it doesn&;t matter because everybody
0.04 looking at porn but the key question I
0.04 always ask my patients at Dr Q is is how
0.04 much porn do you look at yeah and in
0.04 variably that requires an honest answer
0.04 too because we don&;t want to admit that
0.04 we&;ve got a
0.04 problem so a different genres could be
0.04 could be stuff going even into Sheil it
0.04 could even be um uh uh squirting it
0.04 could even be um uh face shots you know
0.04 it&;s it&;s it&;s like there&;s no limits
0.04 really to the kind of pornography that
0.04 people will seek out and start looking
0.04 at because it gives them an arisal and
0.04 and a thrill and and the problem is is
0.04 this this thing that we call internet
0.04 pornography doesn&;t come with a warning
0.04 label like cigarettes do or alcohol
0.04 doesn&;t come with a age restriction and
0.04 that&;s why I even get some
0.04 parents uh you know inquiring and saying
0.04 to me that their children have
0.04 discovered pornography they&;ve even been
0.04 looking at it for years some of them and
0.04 they&;re 30 11 10 113 you know and the
0.04 problem is is really by then that their
0.04 uh the beginnings of their sexual
0.04 arousal template as human beings is
0.04 starting to be developed you also got to
0.04 remember that uh
0.04 teenagers are uh uh their brains are
0.04 developing in many facets of life one of
0.04 those is
0.04 sexually um so unfortunately pornography
0.04 can uh can certainly put a very
0.04 destructive imprint on a teenager&;s mind
0.04 in terms of the concept of sex while
0.04 there I was reading this article just
0.04 yesterday it was published by um this
0.04 lady she&;s a professor at s University
0.04 and in her findings she found that when
0.04 teenagers watch too much
0.04 pornography uh they sort of like uh
0.04 catalyze the process I don&;t know what
0.04 you call it but uh instead of things
0.04 happening organically uh they are now uh
0.04 self-induced right and and and and that
0.04 works against them completely can you
0.04 expand in that please well that makes
0.04 sense to me because uh let me explain
0.04 some Concepts about pornography
0.04 something that they&;ve seen is uh that
0.04 pornography uh really appeals to a
0.04 concept that we call supern normal
0.04 stimuli
0.04 okay now supernormal stimuli means that
0.04 the exaggerated version gives a greater
0.04 pull or hit than the real thing so that
0.04 basically means that for example looking
0.04 at pornography becomes far more exciting
0.04 that&;s the exaggerated version than the
0.04 real thing me actually being sexual with
0.04 another human being you know um and uh
0.04 that makes a lot of sense what you think
0.04 about it because uh when you look at uh
0.04 uh cly the porn models in a pornography
0.04 very often they might have had some kind
0.04 of uh surgery enhancement uh breast
0.04 enlargement the men have enormous
0.04 penises um and um the whole thing in
0.04 many Rays is a a highly stimulating
0.04 exaggeration I should we say exaggerated
0.04 version of what sex perhaps might be
0.04 shall we say on a more healthy level
0.04 where one is actually making love to
0.04 somebody and perhaps there&;s eye contact
0.04 and it&;s an actual uh emotional
0.04 experience as opposed to a sexual fix
0.04 you so I mean um I think that&;s
0.04 important to bear in mind I think what
0.04 they&;ve also seen too uh son is that
0.04 dopam is uh that pornography completely
0.04 plays with dopamine levels what they&;ve
0.04 seen certain is that dopamine surges
0.04 with sexual novelty of course where can
0.04 you find the most sexual novelty in the
0.04 world on the internet that&;s what keeps
0.04 people looking at porn for hours is each
0.04 new clip gives a head of
0.04 dopamine so if you have 25 tabs across
0.04 your screen you&;re going to get 25 hits
0.04 of dopamin and you might keep looking
0.04 for more but as invariably as porn
0.04 addicts we looking for the perfect clip
0.04 that literally meets the fantasy in our
0.04 mind and that&;s an important concept
0.04 actually uh Dr Q is it what drives or
0.04 generates uh certainly pornography
0.04 addiction is this very powerful intense
0.04 obsessive fantasy world yeah and what
0.04 they&;ve seen too is there&;s a feedback
0.04 loop between fantasy and porn so once I
0.04 start looking at porn it generates a lot
0.04 of fantasy and then once I&;m fantasizing
0.04 I want to go back to the porn yeah so it
0.04 creates this very powerful feedback loop
0.04 of fantasy porn fantasy porn fantasy
0.04 porn and could it&;s a progressive
0.04 illness like like I&;ve certainly
0.04 mentioned about addiction yeah uh
0.04 certain clip or genres just might not do
0.04 it anymore so now because we want a
0.04 bigger hit we&;ll keep looking for new
0.04 genres or new clips I suppose if I watch
0.04 um a particular clip uh more than three
0.04 times or a number of times I would want
0.04 something else because eventually you
0.04 get
0.04 bored that might not stimulate you as
0.04 much as it did when you watched it the
0.04 first couple precisely precisely what is
0.04 sex and
0.04 uh yeah we&;ve got this idea of what sex
0.04 is but I&;ve I&;ve listened to a number of
0.04 uh podcasts actually and I would get
0.04 experts uh explaining and you touched on
0.04 it a bit explaining what sex isn&;t and
0.04 uh one of the examples that they make is
0.04 when we watch pornography for instance
0.04 uh we see all these uh ridiculous uh
0.04 positions that people uh do and uh we
0.04 see these uh gigantic organs you made an
0.04 example of can you can you tell me more
0.04 about that about
0.04 that just in terms of what my perception
0.04 of sex is yes well well I think you know
0.04 um it&;s like again I can tell you
0.04 certainly what unhealthy sex is and
0.04 perhaps I can provide some insight as to
0.04 what healthy sex is I think certainly
0.04 unhealthy sex as has a lot to do with
0.04 anything that leaves you feeling guilty
0.04 or ashamed yeah um and unfortunately uh
0.04 life experiences um when you actually
0.04 look at sex addiction for example
0.04 there&;s there&;s this guy in the States
0.04 called Patrick K who was the first guy
0.04 to turn uh uh the word or or the um the
0.04 clinical description sex addiction yeah
0.04 and he did studies over many years and
0.04 he he he basically came up with figures
0.04 that 98% of sex addicts have been
0.04 emotionally abused I think it&;s 84% have
0.04 been sexually abused in 76 physically so
0.04 so so people that develop a problem with
0.04 this kind of problem sex addiction
0.04 there&;s normally a lot of trauma yeah
0.04 and Trauma sexual trauma is bad news for
0.04 one&;s relationship with sex yeah because
0.04 it can make it very problematic and very
0.04 difficult you know um but I think
0.04 certainly unhealthy sex has a lot to do
0.04 uh with potentially unconsciously
0.04 replaying out your traumas without even
0.04 knowing that you&;re doing it um a lot to
0.04 do with shame a lot to do with guilt um
0.04 and sometimes it could obviously abusive
0.04 certainly be abusive if if it&;s used as
0.04 a power tool for example for
0.04 exploitation or
0.04 manipulation but I think healthy sex um
0.04 in many ways is kind of a
0.04 byproduct of a strong emotional
0.04 connection as a couple um so it&;s almost
0.04 like it&;s an extension or it flows from
0.04 a loving romantic connection that a
0.04 couple has yeah um and U it&;s something
0.04 I think that certainly couple is able to
0.04 sustain now that&;s not easy at all yeah
0.04 I think it&;s difficult for couples in
0.04 this day and age to sustain their
0.04 sexually intimate relationship yeah um
0.04 but um I think it has a lot to do with
0.04 uh a very deep mutual respect for each
0.04 other you know and also in many ways a
0.04 desire to uh please and to pleasure your
0.04 partner first and foremost before your
0.04 own pleasure
0.04 yeah I think that&;s important you know
0.04 and and and and to sizes matter you you
0.04 mentioned size do those things matter
0.04 and should they matter do you know what
0.04 it&;s it&;s actually very interesting you
0.04 said that because a lot of sexually
0.04 addicted men that I have treated very
0.04 often there&;s been an issue around
0.04 sexual dysfunction with them has kind of
0.04 coupled the sex addiction um and quite a
0.04 few of them have expressed that they
0.04 have had massive Hang-Ups with their
0.04 size now what&;s interesting is um from
0.04 conversations I&;ve had with other people
0.04 um I can&;t say for certain this applies
0.04 to everyone Dr q but I&;m not exactly
0.04 convinced that size matters that much to
0.04 women yes it might to some or to a few
0.04 yeah but I&;m not convinced that that
0.04 that&;s necessarily the major issue for
0.04 all women yeah um it might be an issue
0.04 for some yeah but I think uh what I
0.04 think certainly men women want is is is
0.04 a is a connection you know um an
0.04 emotional connection um that that that
0.04 is expressed actually you know uh
0.04 through through intimacy you know
0.04 through through through through intimate
0.04 contact yeah so so I mean this is the
0.04 problem is like porn shows us Size
0.04 Matters the bigger the
0.04 better but it&;s that a real depiction of
0.04 reality in the real world yeah is it you
0.04 know I don&;t think so it&;s not is it
0.04 that&;s why I spoke about super normal
0.04 stimuli yeah um and how
0.04 um for me in many ways you know
0.04 pornography is the epitomy of super
0.04 normal stimuli because literally the
0.04 exaggerated version of porn gives a far
0.04 greater hit than the real thing these
0.04 poor women and I say this to every woman
0.04 that I meet that uh who&;s a partner of a
0.04 pornography addict that I treat I always
0.04 say to them you know there&;s no woman on
0.04 this planet that can compete with yeah
0.04 it doesn&;t matter how beautiful or
0.04 attractive that partner is you know uh
0.04 we&;re literally up against something so
0.04 powerful neuroscientifically in the
0.04 brain in terms of how it just delivers
0.04 this seismic dopamine head yeah um so
0.04 women can&;t compete with with poor
0.04 things you know um but that&;s why in
0.04 many ways you know pornography it&;s it&;s
0.04 a big problem I believe it&;s a worldwide
0.04 epidemic yeah and I&;m very worried about
0.04 what it&;s doing to our kids and uh
0.04 especially the generation since in this
0.04 country since 2007 because that was when
0.04 we got Broadband in this country and
0.04 it&;s very notable Dr Q with my patients
0.04 many of them reported that their
0.04 pornography addiction escalated from
0.04 2007 when we got Broadband
0.04 damn wow um that&;s very interesting
0.04 because uh I ran a poll on social media
0.04 I was asking people about masturbation
0.04 and pornography and one of the questions
0.04 was uh if they watch porn uh while they
0.04 masturbate and 75% of them uh sorry
0.04 66.7% of them said yes they do they
0.04 can&;t have uh they can&;t masturbate
0.04 without watching uh anything m so I find
0.04 that to be very true and I guess if we
0.04 if you round this off we would even say
0.04 95% of them uh said yes because some of
0.04 them said sometimes they watch you know
0.04 that&;s a very high proportion and I
0.04 think you&;re alluding to something
0.04 actually very uh very poignant because
0.04 when you look at my patients when they
0.04 struggle with pornography uction it&;s
0.04 almost like masturbation for the vast
0.04 majority of them and again I can&;t say
0.04 all of them but the vast majority joy to
0.04 them it&;s this
0.04 um extremely lethal uh marriage of
0.04 pornography and masturbation um it&;s
0.04 almost like you you wouldn&;t do one
0.04 without the other it&;s literally like
0.04 bread and butter or siamese twins you
0.04 know it has to go together yeah
0.04 um in fact actually one of the questions
0.04 that I&;ve asked patients in the past is
0.04 that when you look at
0.04 pornography um
0.04 would you say that 80% of the time you
0.04 masturbate uh with pornography or
0.04 without and when you look at por adct a
0.04 very very high proportion of them will
0.04 say I wouldn&;t do one without the
0.04 other um so yeah it seems to
0.04 be for the vast majority of the time
0.04 that um that is the case that
0.04 correlation if we had a system where um
0.04 people can&;t have access to pawn do you
0.04 think the numbers would go
0.04 down um that&;s a very interesting
0.04 question um it&;s a difficult one isn&;t
0.04 it because um I&;m not sure it&;s it&;s
0.04 very very difficult hey um I look it&;s
0.04 very possible that the numbers would go
0.04 down but of course then it would just go
0.04 underground wouldn&;t it you know and
0.04 people would find illicit and illegal
0.04 means of accessing it you know um and
0.04 that could make the problem um it could
0.04 potentially make it worse you know um
0.04 but it&;s it&;s like also the solution is
0.04 not to just let it be as it is either I
0.04 think I believe in austral in
0.04 Australia they&;ve started to stop kids I
0.04 think kids who are under 16 are not
0.04 allowed smartphones three weeks ago they
0.04 passed that three weeks ago yeah that
0.04 could help uhe to protect our kids it&;s
0.04 it&;s it&;s a sad thing when a patient
0.04 calls uh certainly when when a a parent
0.04 calls me Dr q and says I&;ve just
0.04 discovered that my son&;s been is who&;s
0.04 13 has been looking at pornography for
0.04 three years it&;s it&;s devastating for
0.04 patients um for parents should I say
0.04 because they just feel so defenseless
0.04 you know much like certainly women too
0.04 but what you can do is actually put
0.04 blockers on your cell phone on literally
0.04 all your devices and that can really
0.04 help and yes many people get around them
0.04 that&;s true yeah but at least it can
0.04 stall in many ways the
0.04 compulsion uh to to want to act out or
0.04 he put it off for a day but but then you
0.04 can do that
0.04 um put the uh put those blockers on your
0.04 web browser or um whatever but then
0.04 you&;ve got another problem you&;ve got
0.04 social media nowadays and there you can
0.04 easily access pornography I was just
0.04 having a conversation with a friend
0.04 yesterday he was there and uh the
0.04 gentleman was saying he&;s in his 40s and
0.04 he was saying why would you want to stop
0.04 watching porn why would you want to stop
0.04 masturbating and he went as far as
0.04 saying that um you know uh we don&;t even
0.04 need the Internet because Twitter p is
0.04 even more uh fun than what you get on
0.04 the internet
0.04 well that&;s an interesting question
0.04 isn&;t I mean I think um if you&;re in an
0.04 exclusive
0.04 relationship then how fair is it to your
0.04 partner that you&;re looking at if you&;re
0.04 not that&;s your choice fine no problem
0.04 that&;s absolutely lutely your choice if
0.04 you want to keep looking at pornography
0.04 but in in the context of exclusivity in
0.04 a
0.04 relationship um to my mind it&;s very
0.04 important to abstain from porn um I know
0.04 some couples like to look at it together
0.04 but if one of them&;s got a problem with
0.04 porn then it&;s just going to fuel uh the
0.04 problems in the relationship um and
0.04 potentially there relationship and I
0.04 always use this word do relationship
0.04 with porn relationship with sex sex
0.04 addiction and pornography addiction is
0.04 not about porn sex it&;s about your
0.04 relationship with pornography and sex
0.04 yeah so if I&;m hearing you correctly you
0.04 are saying that if one does it in
0.04 moderation maybe I do it once a month um
0.04 would it still qualify as a problem
0.04 completely depends on the person
0.04 completely depends on the person if you
0.04 are vulnerable to addiction and very
0.04 often addiction is genetic by the way
0.04 very often we&;ve got family members or
0.04 it&;s also uh certainly mirrored to us
0.04 you I&;m a huge believer that addiction
0.04 is something that&;s mirrored and also
0.04 gened so if you&;re vulnerable to
0.04 addiction then I would stay away from it
0.04 because you may well be prone to
0.04 developing a problem with it
0.04 there are certainly many people in this
0.04 world who don&;t suffer from addiction
0.04 and maybe they can look at it um but
0.04 it&;s still it&;s still concerns me in
0.04 terms of the general overview of how
0.04 Society perceives and engages in terms
0.04 of intimacy and healthy intimacy yeah um
0.04 because let&;s face it you know
0.04 pornography is not exactly something
0.04 that promotes healthy
0.04 intimacy uh it&;s it&;s got a lot to do
0.04 with um
0.04 with uh to my mind you know power sacks
0.04 money you know that that that sort of
0.04 famous triangle you know um and um it&;s
0.04 it&;s you&;ve got to remember that when
0.04 people start looking at pornography what
0.04 it does is it rearranges their sexual
0.04 arisal template and this is literally
0.04 why I&;ve had many women coming to me and
0.04 saying to me he doesn&;t want to have sex
0.04 with me and I look at them and say well
0.04 I&;m not surprised if he&;s been looking
0.04 at porn for five years um he he&;s he&;s
0.04 trained his brain to only respond to
0.04 sexual stimuli on a screen rather than
0.04 you as his uh his partner yeah that&;s
0.04 the problem with porn is it rearranges
0.04 our sexual arisal
0.04 template um and this is why I say that
0.04 women can&;t compete with somebody who&;s
0.04 stuck in an addiction to pornography
0.04 it&;s very very difficult yeah um I do
0.04 think in some way we need to at least at
0.04 least be protecting our kids from it
0.04 yeah because they&;re the future
0.04 and if they&;re being subjected to porn
0.04 at a young age what does that say for
0.04 the future of intimacy as a society and
0.04 psychologically what are the effects of
0.04 of pornography well I mean too like um
0.04 uh you know I&;ve I&;ve I certainly
0.04 noticed from having spoken to a few
0.04 parents about their kids um stuff like
0.04 they can&;t concentrate at school um I
0.04 think there can be problems with sleep
0.04 disturbance you know there&;s there&;s
0.04 many many consequences I think to the
0.04 other problem is they start to develop
0.04 this very powerful fantasy world sexual
0.04 fantasy world that&;s very obsessive Not
0.04 all men fantasizes that&;s normal but
0.04 when you look at sax and porn addicts
0.04 they are very obsessive in their in in
0.04 their fantasies about sex yeah it&;s like
0.04 it&;s like if if a um a guy is walking
0.04 down the street Dr Q he sees a nice girl
0.04 he says wow she&;s hot you know um and
0.04 he&;s moved on from her like uh
0.04 uh 30 seconds a minute later I don&;t
0.04 think we&;re dealing with somebody who&;s
0.04 got a problem with sex addiction yeah
0.04 but if a guy walks down the street and
0.04 he he looks at girl say wow she&;s hot
0.04 you know and and and he starts obsessing
0.04 about her as he walks away he might even
0.04 start following her yeah then we have a
0.04 problem can you see it&;s got so much to
0.04 do with Obsession and
0.04 compulsion but isn&;t that how uh I&;m
0.04 going to make reference to young men uh
0.04 because just thinking of myself when I
0.04 was growing up teenagers would usually
0.04 say that they&; be
0.04 like and then they would follow the girl
0.04 and then they would start call I think
0.04 it&;s teens that&;s yeah I mean I
0.04 absolutely hear you I think that&;s
0.04 normal yeah but it&;s again remember when
0.04 we&;re dealing with addiction uh uh
0.04 especially a process addiction like
0.04 pornal sex addiction is it&;s a problem
0.04 that develops over time over many years
0.04 it doesn&;t just mean just cuz a team
0.04 starts chasing a girl that is got a
0.04 problem uh we always have to remember
0.04 that addiction is take is certainly
0.04 something that takes many many years to
0.04 develop and I believe if I&;m not
0.04 mistaken that the clinical world doesn&;t
0.04 like to
0.04 diagnose uh kids as adct until they&;re
0.04 at least 18 or
0.04 more having said that you know I Can See
0.04 Clearly from some of the patients who
0.04 life treated in sort of uh
0.04 prea uh that they&;ve clearly developed a
0.04 problem with pornography use you know
0.04 with certainly adictive pornography use
0.04 but generally speaking uh it&;s not good
0.04 to diagnose kids with addiction until at
0.04 least the 18 or more but isn&;t that too
0.04 late if say for instance my kid starts
0.04 watching porn at the age of 12 13 um and
0.04 it goes on until whenever isn&;t it
0.04 better to stop it earlier than to wait
0.04 until they&;re 18 and you make a very
0.04 good point you know it&;s it&;s I know
0.04 that&;s that&;s the general rule of thumb
0.04 but it doesn&;t mean to say that people
0.04 have developed should we say have
0.04 already developed a problem with porn
0.04 even from the age of 12 up until late if
0.04 they&;ve been looking for six years
0.04 there&;s a good chance the thing about
0.04 addiction is it very much exists and Dr
0.04 Q like all mental health on a spectrum
0.04 you know some people I think suffer from
0.04 addiction more severely than others know
0.04 um but again you&;ve got to think about
0.04 genetics too you know um so um yeah I
0.04 believe that we do have certain addicts
0.04 who are under un 18 um but um having
0.04 said that like I said generally speaking
0.04 there&;s a preference not to
0.04 diagnose people with addiction till they
0.04 18 or more okay doctor so uh we Charlie
0.04 Charlie um we we we we&;ve got a number
0.04 of people that indicated that they they
0.04 they&;ve been wanting to stop
0.04 masturbating but they just can&;t stop
0.04 why is that tell me are they
0.04 masturbating with or without pornography
0.04 they masturbate they watch pornography a
0.04 majority of them uh watches pornography
0.04 okay look it&;s a different one it&;s
0.04 difficult one isn&;t it uh doctor because
0.04 um Dr Q because um uh I think certainly
0.04 masturbation is a very normal part of
0.04 actually growing up as a boy you know um
0.04 but when you start throwing in
0.04 pornography on a young developing mind
0.04 and it&;s that powerful and it delivers
0.04 that strong a dopamine head then we&;re
0.04 meddling with the brain and we&;re
0.04 meddling with a child&;s development yeah
0.04 so I think again if there&;s an
0.04 introduction to masturbation at a at a
0.04 young age again when you look at porn
0.04 addicts and sex addicts they tend to
0.04 have what we call a sexualized
0.04 childhood again kids are supposed to be
0.04 kids they&;re not to be sexual beings
0.04 until a certain age you so um that&;s a
0.04 problem we also live in a very
0.04 sexualized Society you know um I don&;t
0.04 think that&;s helping either you know um
0.04 and kids are sort of expected to um you
0.04 know that there&;s it&;s pressure I think
0.04 from society for kids to be uh to be
0.04 more sort of older or more developed
0.04 than they actually are or might be you
0.04 know um I don&;t think pornography helps
0.04 that at all because what it&;s teaching
0.04 kids is that
0.04 excuse me this is literally normal sex
0.04 you know it&;s normal to to to be um like
0.04 for example that engaging sexual
0.04 activity uh where um actually we a man
0.04 is dominating a woman with with an
0.04 enormous penis you know and and a woman
0.04 with
0.04 huge enhanced breast you know it&;s it&;s
0.04 that&;s not living in the real world
0.04 that&;s why porn and fantasy is this
0.04 lethal marriage is this lethal
0.04 marriage um we&;ve got we&;ve got uh
0.04 people living in households where uh the
0.04 parents and the kids are sharing rooms
0.04 and uh in the middle of the night you
0.04 know what would happen between the
0.04 mother and father how does that uh
0.04 contribute to
0.04 this uh that&;s a very interesting
0.04 question you know because um I&;ve
0.04 actually come across a few patients
0.04 who&;ve actually said as kids they could
0.04 hear their parents being sexual yeah um
0.04 and I think again depending on a
0.04 child um it might have affected them in
0.04 in a certain way that that it created
0.04 some kind of curiosity you know um or um
0.04 they might have certainly developed
0.04 problems with voyerism you know where we
0.04 like to watch
0.04 sex um it might even create problems and
0.04 I&;ve known patients literally uh to to
0.04 to hide out in covers and listen to
0.04 couples being sexual and you&;ve always
0.04 got to ask yourself where did that come
0.04 from where did that desire that specific
0.04 preference for that sexual behavior come
0.04 from and again we have to look at trauma
0.04 because trauma is is the the
0.04 um uh to my mind is what
0.04 ignites uh problems with sex and
0.04 pornography addiction specific to this
0.04 addiction yeah
0.04 um so um it&;s it it could cause problems
0.04 in answer to your question do but it
0.04 kind of depends on the individual again
0.04 you know we have to remember that we all
0.04 Unique Individuals and we perceive
0.04 things in different ways you know um and
0.04 what might be okay for one child and
0.04 water off a duck&;s back might be really
0.04 damaging to another child so it
0.04 completely depends
0.04 do you know what I found interesting
0.04 when uh I was uh conducting this
0.04 survey uh so one of the questions I
0.04 asked was uh the agid of the people that
0.04 participated and the majority of people
0.04 that responded are people that I would
0.04 think are in relationships they&;re
0.04 between ages uh 20 to uh 49 okay 50
0.04 upwards and 13 to 19
0.04 constitute a smaller percentage but
0.04 these are the very same people that are
0.04 so hooked on pornography and when asked
0.04 whether uh they would want to stop
0.04 masturbating uh many of them said yes
0.04 and um but with a few that I had a
0.04 privilege to uh
0.04 engage with they said uh you know what
0.04 uh much as I said I want to I&;m not sure
0.04 if I want
0.04 to you know there&;s that but many of
0.04 them also indicate that um after they
0.04 they watch pornography and after they
0.04 masturbate they have this uh deep sense
0.04 of regret yeah yeah so so what causes
0.04 that regret number one and number two if
0.04 I were to come to you and say I am
0.04 suffering from a porn addiction M how
0.04 would you help me okay
0.04 um first and foremost I think uh just
0.04 talking about the masturbation aspect
0.04 yeah um again when you look at people
0.04 who develop a problem with pornography
0.04 like I&;ve mentioned yeah pornography and
0.04 masturbation just go hand in hand um
0.04 they are literally like it&;s like bread
0.04 and butter yeah um so what I would
0.04 actually say to a pornography addict is
0.04 you&;ve also got to stop masturbating as
0.04 well because if they suffer from
0.04 addiction they might say to themselves
0.04 well I can&;t look at porn but I can
0.04 masturbate now what if they are
0.04 masturbation to fantasies of porn that
0.04 they&;ve looked at what you where do you
0.04 think that&;s going to take them back to
0.04 take them back to the porn of course so
0.04 that&;s why it&;s so important to uh to
0.04 address the pornography the masturbation
0.04 and the
0.04 fantasy and I think it&;s very important
0.04 for example one tool I give my patients
0.04 is that when they start fantasizing
0.04 sexually fantasizing about wanting to
0.04 act out as we call it sexually act out
0.04 yeah and often sexual acting out has to
0.04 do with soothing
0.04 feelings so I might resent my boss my
0.04 way of dealing with it uh is to
0.04 sexualize my feelings by uh masturbation
0.04 to porn that might be something that
0.04 I&;ve learned to do from a young age it&;s
0.04 it&;s just become habit it&;s become my
0.04 way of dealing with my feelings
0.04 addiction has all to do with escaping
0.04 feelings and reality so I mean I think
0.04 um I would strongly re uh uh suggest
0.04 that they not only stop looking at
0.04 pornography but they also stop
0.04 masturbating too so it&;s almost like
0.04 they need to come into into into
0.04 abstinence but if it was that easy I
0.04 think people would have
0.04 stopped yeah um if it was e you&;re right
0.04 if it was easy they would have stopped
0.04 but that&;s why they come to me because
0.04 they can&;t
0.04 stop that&;s why they&;ll come to me
0.04 inside and very often 95% of patients
0.04 only come and see me when they get CAU
0.04 [Music]
0.04 5% might come to me and say I think I&;ve
0.04 a got a problem but to be honest a very
0.04 high proportion only come when their
0.04 Partners catch them and there tends to
0.04 be a a pattern over many years where
0.04 they&;ve been caught and sometimes the
0.04 partner might give them an timation like
0.04 either you get help or it&;s
0.04 over and sometimes we need that you know
0.04 um so um I think um I think in terms of
0.04 treating uh certainly uh pornography m
0.04 verion uh the formula for recovery so we
0.04 call it recovery when you come uh Sly
0.04 into a place you stop acting at so
0.04 you&;re either in addiction or you&;re in
0.04 recovery doctor Q yeah uh so recovery
0.04 entails a simple formula recovery from
0.04 addiction uh is uh certainly um
0.04 uh uh uh Sor I&;m just reminding myself
0.04 here a recovery equals abstinence so I
0.04 stop acting out plus change yeah
0.04 recovery doesn&;t equal
0.04 abstinence because if I just abstain and
0.04 I don&;t change the way I think and
0.04 change the way I behave what&;s going to
0.04 happen I&;m going to go back because
0.04 addiction is a progressive illness if I
0.04 don&;t um confront it and admit to myself
0.04 that I&;ve got a
0.04 problem um then it&;s just going to get
0.04 worse yeah um so um it&;s a problem I
0.04 think that also requires support groups
0.04 as well well um and and I think
0.04 certainly being with other people who
0.04 struggle from the same problem too I
0.04 think strength and numbers can really
0.04 help um and it&;s obviously too you know
0.04 we need to go into into their past and
0.04 look at their problems with trauma how
0.04 they developed problems through trauma
0.04 um look at the way they&;ve grown up in
0.04 terms of uh the way their parents have
0.04 mirrored intimacy to them you know um
0.04 and uh give them tools and exercises to
0.04 help raise their awareness our great
0.04 weapon Against Addiction is
0.04 selfawareness
0.04 I I I really think it&;s not an easy easy
0.04 uh thing to do once once you get hooked
0.04 uh it&;s very hard to step out and uh I
0.04 say this because when I interact with uh
0.04 people gents in particular and not
0.04 ladies they tell you my guy uh once
0.04 you&;re in the thing uh it&;s prison for
0.04 life so it&;s either it&;s either you
0.04 accept it or you live in regret uh for
0.04 the most part of your life because even
0.04 if if they are in relationships they
0.04 would say um there&;s a point where you
0.04 just want to do it yourself and you&;re
0.04 not intimate with your partner that&;s
0.04 why something you mentioned earlier
0.04 that&;s really important to work with
0.04 with a porn addict is the shame guilt
0.04 and regret that they feel after they&;ve
0.04 acted out yeah and that maybe because
0.04 they&;ve promised themselves the last
0.04 time they&;d never do it again and
0.04 there&;s another sign of addiction yeah
0.04 um years and years of of repeated broken
0.04 failed false
0.04 promises um and there&;s that sense of
0.04 hopelessness I&;ve done it again after a
0.04 month you yeah um and that can be very
0.04 sroy and very upsetting and a lot of
0.04 people I think don&;t realize that
0.04 there&;s help out there there is help but
0.04 you&;ve got to want to get better you&;ve
0.04 got to want to stop and sometimes that
0.04 can mean a spouse saying if you don&;t
0.04 stop looking at Paul is over
0.04 sometimes we need that you know but what
0.04 about people who get a scent of relief
0.04 and they get excitement after doing it
0.04 and they have no regret and they&;ve been
0.04 doing it for the past 15 20 years well
0.04 if that&;s what they enjoy doing and they
0.04 have no desire often to be in a
0.04 relationship that&;s fine that&;s their
0.04 choice I think you start to realize
0.04 you&;ve got a problem with addiction when
0.04 it starts impacting on your life so
0.04 there&;s consequences Dr Q that&;s key
0.04 you&;re starting to experience
0.04 consequences for your behavior
0.04 interesting then you you you you you
0.04 reference a lot of men you reference a
0.04 lot of boy kids boy children what about
0.04 girl children what about women very good
0.04 question I suspect that pornography and
0.04 I do get inquiries from a woman very few
0.04 but I suspect that pornography is
0.04 actually hugely underdiagnosed in woman
0.04 and I think it&;s very difficult for them
0.04 to come forward and to say I&;ve got a
0.04 problem certainly when there&;s should we
0.04 say double
0.04 standard that men must be the sexual
0.04 species yeah um so yeah I I suspect it
0.04 is a problem amongst women uh but it&;s
0.04 it&;s it&;s most slightly
0.04 underdiagnosed interesting uh so I have
0.04 9.3 females that responded here by the
0.04 way um you can work out the number I got
0.04 I I got uh 75 in total so everybody that
0.04 participated here indicated that they
0.04 watch they they masturbate literally
0.04 everyone
0.04 here but then uh whenever we talk about
0.04 masturbation and
0.04 pornography I&;ve realized that women are
0.04 usually left out it&;s it&;s just men and
0.04 uh even in your studies uh they talk
0.04 about uh boys they talk about men they
0.04 don&;t talk about women it&;s like what
0.04 you&;re saying ween have been
0.04 underdiagnosed I think so yeah yeah
0.04 what&;s what could be the issue what&;s
0.04 the contributing factor to that I think
0.04 like I&;ve said I think it&;s very
0.04 difficult for women to come forward and
0.04 say look I think I&;ve got a problem I
0.04 think it&;s shameful enough for men to do
0.04 but it&;s even harder for women because
0.04 they&;re not expected to be the ones that
0.04 should shall we say have this problem
0.04 yeah it should be men but that&;s not
0.04 true because ICT ition is prevalent in
0.04 men and women so who&;s to say that they
0.04 can&;t also develop problems with it too
0.04 you know it&;s it&;s just I think it&;s
0.04 very difficult for women to come forward
0.04 because of the double standard and the
0.04 and and the Deep degrees of Shame you
0.04 know um it&;s not at all easy for
0.04 them and if I am suffering from uh this
0.04 type of addiction and I come to you how
0.04 long will it take for me to uh fully
0.04 recover completely depends completely
0.04 depends on your desire to get better I
0.04 think we often talk in recovery about
0.04 something called The Gift of desperation
0.04 which
0.04 ironically is an anacronym for God
0.04 because I do believe that uh we need in
0.04 some way to have some kind of a
0.04 relationship with God or a higher power
0.04 whatever you want to call it something
0.04 that&;s more powerful than the addiction
0.04 because uh certainly many people say
0.04 that addiction is a is a spiritual
0.04 problem it&;s spiritual bankruptcy
0.04 and that we need to leave a spiritual
0.04 life to help us to get better um so it
0.04 can completely depend Dr on your desire
0.04 to get better and how just how much
0.04 you&;re in touch with your consequences
0.04 yeah because the addiction will keep on
0.04 taking from you it doesn&;t care yeah
0.04 this is what&;s so sad when you suffer
0.04 from addiction is it&;s like having a
0.04 split personality structure with uh
0.04 shall we say a public life and a secret
0.04 life and it&;s like you&;re living a
0.04 double life literally two two lives yeah
0.04 um and I think a lot of therapy is about
0.04 merging or amalgamating those two lives
0.04 together so that we&;re living a more
0.04 authentic life that&;s not to say we go
0.04 and Shout at the from the Treetops I&;m a
0.04 sex addict or I&;m a board addict yeah
0.04 people don&;t need to know that yeah um
0.04 it&;s about getting into the right
0.04 community of people who can help you to
0.04 get better and stay sober one day at a
0.04 time so I&;m a 13 year old I leave when U
0.04 I&;ll say previously just advantaged area
0.04 I don&;t have access to uh your
0.04 services what do I do how would you
0.04 advise me to step out of uh pornography
0.04 it&;s something I recently got introduced
0.04 to as I stepped into teenage how how do
0.04 I keep myself uh out of that trap well
0.04 you&;re talking about uh a major problem
0.04 I think in this country we&;re talking
0.04 about a major problem because there&;s no
0.04 support for teenagers um that uh it&;s
0.04 and so any support that is available uh
0.04 is not affordable to them so um to my
0.04 mind you know Somewhere in Time we need
0.04 to start creating community support
0.04 groups for teenss who&;ve
0.04 got huge problems with porn you know
0.04 because this is the the thing is we
0.04 can&;t confront this problem on our own
0.04 we need to confront it together yeah and
0.04 that&;s really really key because there&;s
0.04 no actual um
0.04 uh clinical support um for teens who are
0.04 struggling with pornography addiction
0.04 it&;s it&;s just it&;s hasn&;t been thought
0.04 well I mean it&;s to my knowledge it&;s
0.04 not available yet but there&;s people who
0.04 I work with who are creating a lot more
0.04 awareness about pornography and how
0.04 destructive it is I think there&;s quite
0.04 a campaign because as I&;ve said it is an
0.04 epidemic not just in this country but in
0.04 the world yeah yeah damn I think it&;s it
0.04 all go it all goes back to this easy
0.04 access to the internet that&;s exactly
0.04 the problem Dr because I&;m just thinking
0.04 when I was growing up uh we used to go
0.04 to the soccer fields we used to do uh
0.04 Sports we used to do we had things that
0.04 kept us busy and then if you look at uh
0.04 I&;m not saying I&;m that old but if you
0.04 look at today&;s kids uh they are usually
0.04 on their phones like this all the time
0.04 that&;s the way Society is
0.04 going yeah we&;re becoming a society that
0.04 relates to each other through screens
0.04 rather than through speech and
0.04 connection no maybe eventually there&;ll
0.04 be a backlash you know who who knows who
0.04 knows you hopefully I&;m sure a I&;m sure
0.04 you know AI will have something to say
0.04 about that you know but um
0.04 yeah are you are you available online uh
0.04 for people that would like to have a
0.04 conversation with you but are not based
0.04 uh in in uh Johannesburg sure basically
0.04 I have a website um I&;m contactable via
0.04 that website um and uh it&;s also got my
0.04 phone on that website so yeah okay do
0.04 you mind if we uh put them uh on our bio
0.04 just so whoever watches and listens can
0.04 be able to get access to you if they
0.04 need you
0.04 absolutely thank you so much pleasure
0.04 it&;s a pleasure Dr Q thank you very much
0.04 this has been very wonderful good good
0.04 un BL her much appreciated it pleasure
0.04 we going back to square one making fire
0.04 [Music]
0.04 [Music]
0.04 now
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