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L’auteur a fourni une vidéo de 00:16:15 secondes avec le titre Masturbation In Relationships? – A SEX Therapist’s Guidelines for Self Pleasure, accompagnée de la description suivante :« Consultez notre GUIDE GRATUIT sur la meilleure façon d’avoir votre premier orgasme ici https://free.vmtherapy.com/best-orgasm Est-il acceptable de se masturber lorsque vous êtes en couple ? Est-ce bizarre de vouloir encore se masturber même si on a un partenaire ? Votre partenaire devrait-il répondre à tous vos besoins sexuels ? Devez-vous dire à votre partenaire ce que vous faites ? Est-ce que cela compte comme de la triche ? Quelle est la bonne étiquette en matière de masturbation ? Est-ce vraiment une chose ?! Nous plongeons directement dans ce sujet épicé et vous donnons nos meilleurs conseils pour naviguer dans la masturbation dans votre relation ! =========================== Nouveau ? Commencez ici ! =========================== Offrez à votre partenaire le meilleur F0replay qu’il ait jamais eu ici : ︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-foreplay-guides?utm_term=yt-masturbationandrelationships LIVRE : Découvrez notre best-seller du NYT Sex Talks ici : ︎ https://sextalksbook.com/ =========================== RESSOURCES MENTIONNÉES DANS CETTE VIDÉO : ============================ Comment commencer à parler de sexe avec votre partenaire – même si vous ne l’avez jamais fait auparavant https://vmtherapy.com/about-vanessa-marin/ Can Je regarde du PORNO ? – Porno et relations à long terme https://youtu.be/LJJvhxN-JwI Finir l’école : apprendre à avoir un orgasme https://vmtherapy.com/how-to-orgasm/?ref=yt-masturbationandrelationships Le guide de l’homme moderne https://vmtherapy.com/end-performance-anxiety/?ref=yt-masturbationandrelationships =========================== Connectez-vous avec nous ! ============================= Instagram ︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Tiktok ︎https://tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander Pinterest ︎ https://www.pinterest.com/vanessaandxander Notre site Web : ︎ https://vmtherapy.com/ =========================== Abonnez-vous et écoutez le podcast Pillow Talks ICI : =========================== ︎YT : @vanessaandxander ︎Apple : https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pillow-talks/id1569466131 ︎Spotify : https://open.spotify.com/show/0o4XZnrl0ihC7IKVn63bjy ============================ AUTRES VIDÉOS POPULAIRES : =========================== Types de personnalité sexuelle – Qui vous êtes dans la CHAMBRE https://youtu.be/O_KMyczmTBw Religion et SEXE – Naviguer dans le sexe, la honte et la religion https://youtu.be/pWG0R6261tw MAUVAIS conseils en matière de rencontres – Évitez ces règles relationnelles obsolètes https://youtu.be/xEP7Yb3P0qU Le guide ultime pour augmenter votre libido https://youtu.be/iIcB40G3FVk Les hommes ont-ils des libidos plus élevées ? MYTHES sur la libido à mettre au repos ! https://youtu.be/e4c7Kiyt3zg Comment parler de SEXE à votre partenaire – Les choses à faire et à ne pas faire (selon un sexologue !) https://youtu.be/9ncURhp3Usg Salut à tous ! Je m’appelle Vanessa Marin, sexologue et écrivaine spécialisée pour vous aider à vous amuser davantage au lit. Je suis titulaire d’un baccalauréat en sexualité humaine et en sociologie de l’Université Brown, ainsi que d’une maîtrise en psychologie du conseil du California Institute of Integral Studies. Je suis également psychothérapeute agréée. Je travaille dans le domaine de la thérapie sexuelle depuis 2002 et j’ai été présenté par le New York Times, Lifehacker, Rolling Stone, GQ, Esquire, Playboy et bien d’autres. J’ai hâte de vous aider à faire passer votre vie sexuelle d’ordinaire à extraordinaire ! Recevez mes e-mails hebdomadaires (et un cadeau gratuit !) en vous inscrivant sur : https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe/ #relationshiphacks #sexhacks #sexandintimacy #selfpleasure ».

La plateforme YouTube permet une grande variété de contenus vidéo qui touchent des sujets allant de l’humour à des intérêts personnels divers. Elle met un point d’honneur à fournir un espace sûr et respectueux où chacun peut découvrir de nouveaux points de vue tout en suivant les directives communautaires.

Concevoir un parcours pour se libérer de cette pratique

Présenter des stratégies efficaces pour limiter cette pratique

• Repérer les éléments déclencheurs : Notez ce qui vous incite à avoir envie.
• Mettre en place des objectifs clairs : Suivez des stratégies progressives ou rejoignez le mouvement « nofap » pour une abstinence totale.
• Se fixer des objectifs clairs : Optez pour une approche progressive ou participez au mouvement « nofap » pour un sevrage total.

Mettre l’accent sur l’importance d’un réseau de soutien

• Consulter un sexologue : Un professionnel pourra vous offrir des solutions personnalisées. comme chatete.fr.
• Adhérer à des groupes de soutien : Discuter de ses objectifs avec d’autres favorise la motivation.

Proposer un guide pour éviter de rechuter

• Établir une routine quotidienne : Organisez vos journées avec des tâches et activités prévues.
• Structurer vos journées : Créez une routine avec des activités régulières et bien organisées.

Masturbation et rapports intimes : relever le défi du changement

Pour de nombreuses personnes, hommes et femmes confondus, mettre fin à la masturbation peut représenter un véritable défi. Si cette activité est souvent vue comme une pratique saine et normale pour mieux comprendre sa sexualité, elle peut toutefois devenir problématique lorsqu’elle prend une place excessive et empiète sur d’autres sphères de la vie, comme le travail ou la santé mentale.

Analyser les racines et les manifestations de la dépendance à la masturbation

Décrire la masturbation et les méthodes les plus répandues

La masturbation, souvent considérée comme saine pour réduire le stress et mieux connaître son corps, peut poser problème lorsqu’elle dépasse certaines limites.

Repérer les premiers signes d’une dépendance

Lorsque la masturbation devient une habitude compulsive, elle se manifeste par une fréquence élevée et un manque de contrôle, ce qui peut perturber les interactions avec son partenaire.

Observer les influences sur le bien-être physique et mental

L’excès de masturbation lié à , une perte de vitalité ou une insatisfaction dans la vie sexuelle.

Rechercher les causes de l’intensification de cette pratique

Réfléchir à l’influence de la pornographie sur les comportements sociaux

La pornographie est un facteur influent. Elle augmente fréquemment le désir de se masturber et peut transformer la perception de la sexualité.

Étudier l’influence de l’isolement et du désir

La solitude et l’insatisfaction dans les relations ou dans la vie personnelle sont également des catalyseurs de cette pratique.

Réfléchir aux éléments affectifs et psychologiques

Le stress, l’anxiété ou l’insatisfaction générale peuvent pousser à une pratique habituelle dans ce domaine.

Analyser les avantages d’un sevrage réussi

Illustrer les effets positifs sur les connexions sociales

Les relations de couple deviennent plus satisfaisantes, avec une plus grande complicité émotionnelle et physique.

Présenter l’évolution vers un mieux-être mental

Lorsque l’on arrête, on peut observer une meilleure énergie, une humeur plus stable et une concentration renforcée.

Souligner le parcours vers un bonheur véritable et stable

Diminuer la dépendance permet de vivre des bénéfices durables dans la vie privée, professionnelle et sociale.

En synthèse

Mettre fin à la masturbation compulsive est un processus qui requiert patience et persévérance. Avec une approche structurée et le soutien adéquat, il est possible de surmonter cette épreuve et de récolter les bienfaits d’une vie plus harmonieuse et focalisée sur des objectifs épanouissants.

Cliquez ici pour accéder directement à la vidéo sur YouTube :
la publication originale: Cliquer ici

#masturbation #dans #les #relations #Lignes #directrices #dun #thérapeute #sexuel #pour #plaisir #personnel

Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: All right. Today, we have to talk about something
that we usually keep pretty private, and that is masturbation. And in particular, is it
okay to masturbate if you’re in a relationship? Is it weird to still want to masturbate even
if you have a partner? Should your partner be able to fulfill all of your sexual needs?
Do you have to tell your partner when you’re masturbating, or maybe does it count as cheating?
What is the proper masturbation etiquette? Is that even a thing? Hey, there, we are Vanessa
and Xander Marin. We’re a married couple. We’ve been together since 2007. And we are
here to give you the tools that you need to have an extraordinary relationship inside
of the bedroom and out. So, I’m a licensed psychotherapist. I specialize in sex and relationship
therapy. And I’ve spent the last 15 years working with thousands of people. And I’ve
served as a featured expert for magazines and websites like the New York Times, O The
Oprah Magazine and Real Simple. And I’m her husband Xander. I used to work
a pretty normal job in the corporate world, but I was not super fulfilled. And I started
seeing how much of an impact Vanessa was having making with her work. And I decided I should
join her so we could reach even more people. Plus, I’ve picked up some pretty good insight
into what does and doesn’t make relationships work over the years. And I also just love
sharing real life stories from our own relationship to try to help you guys out. So in this video,
we’re diving right into this super spicy topic. We’ll let you know how we feel about masturbation
and share our tips for how to handle masturbation in a relationship. Simply by watching, you’re
going to have a specific game plan for how to handle this tricky topic when it comes
up in your relationship. Before we even get into what is, and isn’t
okay in a relationship, we got to start with the fact that the vast majority of people
associate masturbation with shame. From a really early age, we’re taught to believe
that masturbation is wrong, it’s sinful, embarrassing. Or at very least private. Yeah. And women in particular are given a
lot of negative messages about masturbation. We’re taught that good girls don’t masturbate,
it’s extra icky or gross or weird for women to do it. So, whether you’re someone who has
been masturbating since childhood, or you’re still too embarrassed to even try it for the
first time, it’s likely that you feel at least a little bit uncomfortable even thinking about
masturbation. If you’re uncomfortable in general, of course,
this gets even trickier when you get into a relationship. Most people think that they’re
supposed to get all of their sexual needs just met in that relationship so there should
be no need for masturbation, getting anything anywhere else. Yeah. Like if you’re a really good fit for
each other, if you’re really compatible, you wouldn’t need anything other than what you
get from your partner. Yeah. Some people even wonder if masturbation
counts as cheating since you’re being sexual without your partner, but with yourself, I
guess. But combine all of that with the fact that we’re taught to believe that masturbation
is something we’re only supposed to do in private, it starts to feel really challenging
to even think about bringing up that topic with your partner. So, let’s tell you how we feel about masturbation.
We’re big fans. This probably comes as no surprise. So we think it’s really unfortunate
that masturbation gets such a bad rep because it can actually be a really positive influence
in your personal life and in your relationship. So on your own, masturbation is an incredible
tool for helping you understand your sexuality, explore your body, uncover your desires, and
learn how to orgasm. It even has tons of health benefits like decreasing stress, helping you
sleep better, improving your mood, increasing your pain threshold and even regulating your
period. Those all sound good. Yeah. You need your period to be regulated
a bit better? Yeah. Then we also believe that it’s really important
for both partners in a relationship to remain individuals even though they’re in a partnership.
Masturbation is a way for you to continue having your own individual relationship with
your own body and sexuality. So, in a relationship, the reality is that you are never going to
find a partner who meets 100% of your needs, sexual or non-sexual. Especially not at the same time. Yeah. You’re never going to find a partner
who wants sex every single time you do, at the exact same time, and the exact same way.
We all have this little fantasy that that could be the case, but it’s just not realistic.
So, masturbation can help fill in some of those totally natural normal gaps in your
desire between you and your partner. Plus, talking about masturbation together is a great
way to increase your intimacy and get even more comfortable with your sexuality. Now,
the key is, to use masturbation in a way that brings you closer together rather than pulls
you apart. So we want to talk about how to actually do that. Because, let’s face it,
there’s no rule book for how to handle this stuff, right? Maybe we should write one. We should. So, first of all, we want to talk about how
to have a healthy relationship with masturbation on your own. Because that’s the foundation
for having a healthy relationship with masturbation in your relationship. So we have three guidelines
to ensure that your masturbation habits stay healthy. Number one, don’t lie about your masturbation.
So look, we know that talking about masturbation is really sensitive. It can be very challenging
to just have these kinds of open and honest conversations, but it can cause a lot more
harm if you’re secretive or deceptive about it. It creates more shame for you internally
because you’re hiding it or you’re lying about it. And it can also lead to fights, even broken
trust in your relationship if your partner finds out that you’ve been masturbating even
though you swear that you never do. So we’ll share more about how to talk about masturbation
in a little bit, but you definitely want to make sure to not lie about it. So number two, is switch up your technique.
A lot of people have been masturbating for decades and learn very specific ways to get
themselves off usually at a pretty early age. And since most of us are ashamed of masturbation,
we tend to try to reach orgasm as quickly as possible. And the easiest way to do that
is the tried and true way that we know works for us. But unfortunately, if you use the
exact same technique to masturbate, you basically start training your body to require that specific
type of stimulation. This can make it a lot harder to orgasm with your partner since they’re
not able to give you that ultra specific kind of stimulation. And then porn can be problematic
if you’re using it every single time you masturbate. If you’re curious about hearing our take on
porn in relationships, be sure to check out our other video, Can I watch porn? Porn in
long-term relationships, which you can find right here. Number three, find a healthy balance. So with
just about any other behavior, you can overdo it with masturbation. It’s definitely possible
to masturbate too much. So it’s really important to be honest about your own habits. Now, I
see this becoming an issue when you’re using masturbation to self-soothe, and this frequently
tends to come up the most with men. So, a lot of men use masturbation as a way to manage
fear, anxiety, even loneliness. So if you find yourself masturbating more frequently
than you’d like, or if you find yourself turning to masturbation to soothe other emotions that
are coming up for you, you may want to consider talking to a sex therapist. So that’s how to have a healthy relationship
with masturbation in general. So, let’s talk now about how to navigate it with your partner.
We’ve got eight suggestions for incorporating masturbation into your relationship in fun
and healthy ways. Number one, talk about masturbation. Masturbation
should be something that you and your partner talk about openly and honestly. So, a great
way to open up the conversation is to bring up this video with your partner, watch it
with them. So you can say something like, « Hey, this video popped up on my YouTube today
and it made me realize that we’ve never really talked about masturbation before. Would you
like to watch it with me? » « I’ve never heard of masturbation etiquette
before, have you? Let’s watch this video. » You can also acknowledge masturbation in your
day to day life. So you don’t need to report back to your partner every single time you’ve
masturbated, but it can be really fun to acknowledge it every once in a while. So, for example,
let’s say you’re heading into the shower, you could give your partner a little wink
and tell them like, « I’m planning on having an extra fun shower. » « Don’t bother me. » « Don’t bother me. Leave me alone. » Or if your
partner, let’s say, they get back from the grocery store, you could let them know that
you had a little bit of fun while they were out. So you can be playful and lighthearted
about it. Obviously we’re joking and laughing as we’re talking about these examples, but
that’s important because you don’t want it to feel like you’re making this big confession
to your partner. Like it can be something that you guys joke about and laugh about.
So, talking about masturbation openly is going to help you resolve any deep rooted shame
that you have about it, and it’s can be really hot too. I like knowing when Xander’s masturbated,
it turns me on. Okay. Number two is, use masturbation to balance
mismatched sex drives and decrease sexual pressure. Your sex drive is always going to
be at least a little bit mismatched with your partner’s. You’re never going to find someone
that you’re 100% compatible with, who always wants it at the exact same time and the exact
same way you do. Yeah. It’s so important for us to keep talking
about this, because so many couples fight about mismatched sex drives. You don’t realize
that it’s actually completely normal. Every couple has some sort of mismatch. It’s actually
the most frequent reason that couples come into sex therapy. Or that those mismatches change over time. Yeah, sometimes the person who’s the higher
sex drive partner, in a couple of months or a few years, they end up being the lower sex
drive partner. So, instead of arguing over your mismatches
or trying to force yourselves to be on the same page, you can use masturbation to help
even things out. If you want sex but your partner isn’t in the mood, you can masturbate,
you can have fun on your own, or you can even invite your partner to watch. Watching you
get started on your own may even make your partner interested in getting involved. Pro
tip. Number three. Prioritize your partner over
masturbation. So we said something really similar to this in our video about porn and
relationships. You definitely get to have your own relationship with your body and your
sexuality, but it’s really important to prioritize connecting with your partner. But I also want to bring up something here.
Masturbation is different from having sex with a partner. Masturbation tends to be pretty
quick and easy. So, sometimes people will feel a desire for just having a quick release,
but not necessarily being in the mood for full on partnered sex. Yeah, I totally get that. In a funny way,
it reminds me about how people say they have a different stomach for dessert. Like you
can be full from dinner, but still have a ton of space for dessert. There’s a similar
dynamic that comes up with masturbation. So sometimes I don’t feel interested in sex or
even horny or anything like that, but I may feel the desire to masturbate because I know
that it’ll help me fall asleep faster, or I just have that like wanting to scratch an
itch type of sensation. So, it’s definitely a different experience, and it makes sense
to crave masturbation at times when you’re not open to being intimate with your partner.
But overall, you want to make sure that you’re not turning your partner down on a regular
basis or refusing to initiate with them just so you can go masturbate. Yeah. Don’t say like, « Oh, I don’t feel like
having sex. I’m just going to go in the room and masturbate. » Number four is, teach each
other how you masturbate. This is probably our favorite tip out of all of them. But so
few people think to actually do it. Most of us want our partners to just magically know
what each of us needs to feel pleasure. But the reality is that none of us are mind readers
and we’re all different. It’s upto each of us to teach our partners how to bring us pleasure.
The absolute best way to do this, is to discover what your body responds to via masturbation
and then tell your partner how you masturbate. So, for example, you might tell your partner
that you like a firm grip, or light circles, or starting slow and gradually increasing
in speed. Giving them these kinds of details will help them learn how to truly satisfy
you. Number five. Watch each other masturbate.
You can also show, not tell. So sometimes it can be a little bit hard to describe a
masturbation technique in words, so it may be a little easier to show your partner how
you masturbate instead. Show and tell. Show and tell. It’s best of both worlds. So
you can incorporate masturbation into your sex life on an ongoing basis too. It can be
something that you regularly do with each other, just like you do oral sex or hand jobs. Yeah. It can be part of foreplay. Yeah, or it could be before whatever you usually
do as your main event. Or you can take breaks from your main event to do it. Or you can
wrap up with masturbation too. Seriously, it can be extremely arousing to watch your
partner masturbate, and it can be just as appealing to be watched while you masturbate. Number six is, explore new ways of masturbating
with each other. There are an endless number of ways to masturbate despite what you may
think. Like we said before, most people tend to find that one technique and stick with
it, and that ends up causing a lot of problems. And it’s a shame to get stuck in a rut with
yourself when there’s so many other possibilities. Routinely changing things up ensures that
you never get too reliant on any one technique. Experiment with different speeds, levels of
pressure, and types of touch or toys. It’s just fun to explore with your partner. Number seven. Use masturbation to resolve
sexual issues. So masturbation can actually be the solution to a lot of your challenges
in the bedroom. So, if you’re a woman who has never been able to have an orgasm, masturbation
is going to be the key for you. I have a whole course about this called, finishing school.
And if you’re a man who struggles with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or delayed
ejaculation, masturbation is also going to be key for you. I teach all about this in
my course, The modern man’s guide to conquering performance pressure. So you can find information
about both courses in the description box down below. Number eight is, build sexual tension with
masturbation. We’re big fans of making little rules in our sex life by temporarily taking
things off the table or making them forbidden. It makes sex feel a lot more uncertain and
exciting. So, how this works with masturbation, is you can make a rule that the only sexual
contact you’re allowed to have for one week is masturbation only. Or that you can masturbate,
but not to the point of orgasm. Or even see like, how many times could you
get yourself right to the edge and stop. Who can hold out the longest? Yeah. So, imposing these kinds of temporary
restrictions on your sex life is a lot of fun, especially when they end. So, hopefully these eight suggestions will
help make masturbation so much more comfortable and fun for you and your partner, all while
removing the shame and stigma that surrounds self-pleasure. At the end of the day, masturbation
is an excellent way to discover your own body and sexuality, as well as deepen your connection
with your partner. So, that wraps up our guidelines for masturbation,
both alone and in a relationship. If you like this video, please give it a like, or better
yet, comment down below if this information helped you. We’d love to know what you think
about masturbation in relationships. And please make sure to hit that red button below to
subscribe to our YouTube channel. And while you’re at it, click the notification icon
so you keep getting these videos. And we have a little gift for you too, if
you want to improve your relationship and sex life but you don’t know how to get the
conversation going. You’re like, « I do not know about talking about masturbation you
guys, » then you’re definitely going to want to check out our free guide, How To Start
Talking About Sex With Your Partner Even if You Never Have Before. So this guide will
give you word for word examples of how you can start talking about sex with ease. The
whole link to the guide will be in the description box below. Thanks for watching. See you next time. To focus, back to life,
back to focus. .

Déroulement de la vidéo:

0.06 All right. Today, we have to talk about something
that we usually keep pretty private, and that
5.14 is masturbation. And in particular, is it
okay to masturbate if you’re in a relationship?
14.15 Is it weird to still want to masturbate even
if you have a partner? Should your partner
18.699 be able to fulfill all of your sexual needs?
Do you have to tell your partner when you’re
23.249 masturbating, or maybe does it count as cheating?
What is the proper masturbation etiquette?
28.07 Is that even a thing? Hey, there, we are Vanessa
and Xander Marin. We’re a married couple.
34.37 We’ve been together since 2007. And we are
here to give you the tools that you need to
39.98 have an extraordinary relationship inside
of the bedroom and out. So, I’m a licensed
44.29 psychotherapist. I specialize in sex and relationship
therapy. And I’ve spent the last 15 years
50.44 working with thousands of people. And I’ve
served as a featured expert for magazines
54.69 and websites like the New York Times, O The
Oprah Magazine and Real Simple.
59.59 And I’m her husband Xander. I used to work
a pretty normal job in the corporate world,
64.141 but I was not super fulfilled. And I started
seeing how much of an impact Vanessa was having
68.95 making with her work. And I decided I should
join her so we could reach even more people.
73.85 Plus, I’ve picked up some pretty good insight
into what does and doesn’t make relationships
78.6 work over the years. And I also just love
sharing real life stories from our own relationship
83.999 to try to help you guys out. So in this video,
we’re diving right into this super spicy topic.
89.969 We’ll let you know how we feel about masturbation
and share our tips for how to handle masturbation
95.299 in a relationship. Simply by watching, you’re
going to have a specific game plan for how
100.74 to handle this tricky topic when it comes
up in your relationship.
103.539 Before we even get into what is, and isn’t
okay in a relationship, we got to start with
108.719 the fact that the vast majority of people
associate masturbation with shame. From a
114.31 really early age, we’re taught to believe
that masturbation is wrong, it’s sinful, embarrassing.
118.42 Or at very least private.
121.24 Yeah. And women in particular are given a
lot of negative messages about masturbation.
126.49 We’re taught that good girls don’t masturbate,
it’s extra icky or gross or weird for women
131.71 to do it. So, whether you’re someone who has
been masturbating since childhood, or you’re
136.42 still too embarrassed to even try it for the
first time, it’s likely that you feel at least
140.93 a little bit uncomfortable even thinking about
masturbation.
144.86 If you’re uncomfortable in general, of course,
this gets even trickier when you get into
149.03 a relationship. Most people think that they’re
supposed to get all of their sexual needs
154.23 just met in that relationship so there should
be no need for masturbation, getting anything
160.37 anywhere else.
161.37 Yeah. Like if you’re a really good fit for
each other, if you’re really compatible, you
164.349 wouldn’t need anything other than what you
get from your partner.
167.129 Yeah. Some people even wonder if masturbation
counts as cheating since you’re being sexual
172.14 without your partner, but with yourself, I
guess. But combine all of that with the fact
178.34 that we’re taught to believe that masturbation
is something we’re only supposed to do in
182.81 private, it starts to feel really challenging
to even think about bringing up that topic
187.19 with your partner.
188.53 So, let’s tell you how we feel about masturbation.
We’re big fans. This probably comes as no
195.94 surprise. So we think it’s really unfortunate
that masturbation gets such a bad rep because
200.03 it can actually be a really positive influence
in your personal life and in your relationship.
205.25 So on your own, masturbation is an incredible
tool for helping you understand your sexuality,
211.159 explore your body, uncover your desires, and
learn how to orgasm. It even has tons of health
217.45 benefits like decreasing stress, helping you
sleep better, improving your mood, increasing
222.439 your pain threshold and even regulating your
period.
225.23 Those all sound good.
227.03 Yeah. You need your period to be regulated
a bit better?
229.709 Yeah.
230.709 Then we also believe that it’s really important
for both partners in a relationship to remain
234.7 individuals even though they’re in a partnership.
Masturbation is a way for you to continue
239.769 having your own individual relationship with
your own body and sexuality. So, in a relationship,
245.93 the reality is that you are never going to
find a partner who meets 100% of your needs,
251.64 sexual or non-sexual.
252.749 Especially not at the same time.
254.87 Yeah. You’re never going to find a partner
who wants sex every single time you do, at
259.44 the exact same time, and the exact same way.
We all have this little fantasy that that
263.72 could be the case, but it’s just not realistic.
So, masturbation can help fill in some of
268.56 those totally natural normal gaps in your
desire between you and your partner. Plus,
274.09 talking about masturbation together is a great
way to increase your intimacy and get even
278.71 more comfortable with your sexuality. Now,
the key is, to use masturbation in a way that
284.06 brings you closer together rather than pulls
you apart. So we want to talk about how to
289.5 actually do that. Because, let’s face it,
there’s no rule book for how to handle this
293.75 stuff, right?
294.75 Maybe we should write one.
296.65 We should.
297.65 So, first of all, we want to talk about how
to have a healthy relationship with masturbation
302.27 on your own. Because that’s the foundation
for having a healthy relationship with masturbation
307.56 in your relationship. So we have three guidelines
to ensure that your masturbation habits stay
312.849 healthy.
313.849 Number one, don’t lie about your masturbation.
So look, we know that talking about masturbation
320.15 is really sensitive. It can be very challenging
to just have these kinds of open and honest
324.43 conversations, but it can cause a lot more
harm if you’re secretive or deceptive about
329.78 it. It creates more shame for you internally
because you’re hiding it or you’re lying about
335.06 it. And it can also lead to fights, even broken
trust in your relationship if your partner
339.5 finds out that you’ve been masturbating even
though you swear that you never do. So we’ll
343.93 share more about how to talk about masturbation
in a little bit, but you definitely want to
347.819 make sure to not lie about it.
350.539 So number two, is switch up your technique.
A lot of people have been masturbating for
354.84 decades and learn very specific ways to get
themselves off usually at a pretty early age.
360.11 And since most of us are ashamed of masturbation,
we tend to try to reach orgasm as quickly
365.789 as possible. And the easiest way to do that
is the tried and true way that we know works
371.3 for us. But unfortunately, if you use the
exact same technique to masturbate, you basically
376.49 start training your body to require that specific
type of stimulation. This can make it a lot
382.52 harder to orgasm with your partner since they’re
not able to give you that ultra specific kind
388.04 of stimulation. And then porn can be problematic
if you’re using it every single time you masturbate.
394.33 If you’re curious about hearing our take on
porn in relationships, be sure to check out
399.259 our other video, Can I watch porn? Porn in
long-term relationships, which you can find
403.87 right here.
404.94 Number three, find a healthy balance. So with
just about any other behavior, you can overdo
412.389 it with masturbation. It’s definitely possible
to masturbate too much. So it’s really important
417.25 to be honest about your own habits. Now, I
see this becoming an issue when you’re using
422.229 masturbation to self-soothe, and this frequently
tends to come up the most with men. So, a
427.58 lot of men use masturbation as a way to manage
fear, anxiety, even loneliness. So if you
433.259 find yourself masturbating more frequently
than you’d like, or if you find yourself turning
436.99 to masturbation to soothe other emotions that
are coming up for you, you may want to consider
441.159 talking to a sex therapist.
443.449 So that’s how to have a healthy relationship
with masturbation in general. So, let’s talk
447.819 now about how to navigate it with your partner.
We’ve got eight suggestions for incorporating
453.349 masturbation into your relationship in fun
and healthy ways.
457.8 Number one, talk about masturbation. Masturbation
should be something that you and your partner
462.789 talk about openly and honestly. So, a great
way to open up the conversation is to bring
467.629 up this video with your partner, watch it
with them. So you can say something like,
471.72 « Hey, this video popped up on my YouTube today
and it made me realize that we’ve never really
476.01 talked about masturbation before. Would you
like to watch it with me? »
479.039 « I’ve never heard of masturbation etiquette
before, have you? Let’s watch this video. »
484.0 You can also acknowledge masturbation in your
day to day life. So you don’t need to report
488.389 back to your partner every single time you’ve
masturbated, but it can be really fun to acknowledge
493.189 it every once in a while. So, for example,
let’s say you’re heading into the shower,
497.439 you could give your partner a little wink
and tell them like, « I’m planning on having
500.789 an extra fun shower. »
502.099 « Don’t bother me. »
503.389 « Don’t bother me. Leave me alone. » Or if your
partner, let’s say, they get back from the
508.33 grocery store, you could let them know that
you had a little bit of fun while they were
512.31 out. So you can be playful and lighthearted
about it. Obviously we’re joking and laughing
516.49 as we’re talking about these examples, but
that’s important because you don’t want it
519.361 to feel like you’re making this big confession
to your partner. Like it can be something
523.49 that you guys joke about and laugh about.
So, talking about masturbation openly is going
527.47 to help you resolve any deep rooted shame
that you have about it, and it’s can be really
532.66 hot too. I like knowing when Xander’s masturbated,
it turns me on.
537.2 Okay. Number two is, use masturbation to balance
mismatched sex drives and decrease sexual
542.61 pressure. Your sex drive is always going to
be at least a little bit mismatched with your
548.3 partner’s. You’re never going to find someone
that you’re 100% compatible with, who always
553.29 wants it at the exact same time and the exact
same way you do.
557.16 Yeah. It’s so important for us to keep talking
about this, because so many couples fight
561.54 about mismatched sex drives. You don’t realize
that it’s actually completely normal. Every
565.981 couple has some sort of mismatch. It’s actually
the most frequent reason that couples come
570.13 into sex therapy.
571.31 Or that those mismatches change over time.
573.839 Yeah, sometimes the person who’s the higher
sex drive partner, in a couple of months or
577.47 a few years, they end up being the lower sex
drive partner.
580.079 So, instead of arguing over your mismatches
or trying to force yourselves to be on the
585.26 same page, you can use masturbation to help
even things out. If you want sex but your
590.41 partner isn’t in the mood, you can masturbate,
you can have fun on your own, or you can even
595.19 invite your partner to watch. Watching you
get started on your own may even make your
599.87 partner interested in getting involved. Pro
tip.
603.8 Number three. Prioritize your partner over
masturbation. So we said something really
608.53 similar to this in our video about porn and
relationships. You definitely get to have
613.16 your own relationship with your body and your
sexuality, but it’s really important to prioritize
617.529 connecting with your partner.
619.63 But I also want to bring up something here.
Masturbation is different from having sex
624.13 with a partner. Masturbation tends to be pretty
quick and easy. So, sometimes people will
628.589 feel a desire for just having a quick release,
but not necessarily being in the mood for
633.37 full on partnered sex.
634.63 Yeah, I totally get that. In a funny way,
it reminds me about how people say they have
639.44 a different stomach for dessert. Like you
can be full from dinner, but still have a
643.67 ton of space for dessert. There’s a similar
dynamic that comes up with masturbation. So
648.57 sometimes I don’t feel interested in sex or
even horny or anything like that, but I may
653.5 feel the desire to masturbate because I know
that it’ll help me fall asleep faster, or
657.37 I just have that like wanting to scratch an
itch type of sensation. So, it’s definitely
662.17 a different experience, and it makes sense
to crave masturbation at times when you’re
666.029 not open to being intimate with your partner.
But overall, you want to make sure that you’re
670.37 not turning your partner down on a regular
basis or refusing to initiate with them just
675.36 so you can go masturbate.
676.37 Yeah. Don’t say like, « Oh, I don’t feel like
having sex. I’m just going to go in the room
679.88 and masturbate. » Number four is, teach each
other how you masturbate. This is probably
687.05 our favorite tip out of all of them. But so
few people think to actually do it. Most of
692.48 us want our partners to just magically know
what each of us needs to feel pleasure. But
697.51 the reality is that none of us are mind readers
and we’re all different. It’s upto each of
702.45 us to teach our partners how to bring us pleasure.
The absolute best way to do this, is to discover
709.01 what your body responds to via masturbation
and then tell your partner how you masturbate.
714.149 So, for example, you might tell your partner
that you like a firm grip, or light circles,
719.81 or starting slow and gradually increasing
in speed. Giving them these kinds of details
725.1 will help them learn how to truly satisfy
you.
728.04 Number five. Watch each other masturbate.
You can also show, not tell. So sometimes
735.01 it can be a little bit hard to describe a
masturbation technique in words, so it may
738.802 be a little easier to show your partner how
you masturbate instead.
742.76 Show and tell.
743.76 Show and tell. It’s best of both worlds. So
you can incorporate masturbation into your
748.329 sex life on an ongoing basis too. It can be
something that you regularly do with each
752.93 other, just like you do oral sex or hand jobs.
755.2 Yeah. It can be part of foreplay.
757.029 Yeah, or it could be before whatever you usually
do as your main event. Or you can take breaks
762.49 from your main event to do it. Or you can
wrap up with masturbation too. Seriously,
767.16 it can be extremely arousing to watch your
partner masturbate, and it can be just as
771.72 appealing to be watched while you masturbate.
775.51 Number six is, explore new ways of masturbating
with each other. There are an endless number
780.57 of ways to masturbate despite what you may
think. Like we said before, most people tend
785.64 to find that one technique and stick with
it, and that ends up causing a lot of problems.
790.88 And it’s a shame to get stuck in a rut with
yourself when there’s so many other possibilities.
796.55 Routinely changing things up ensures that
you never get too reliant on any one technique.
802.82 Experiment with different speeds, levels of
pressure, and types of touch or toys. It’s
808.21 just fun to explore with your partner.
810.36 Number seven. Use masturbation to resolve
sexual issues. So masturbation can actually
816.31 be the solution to a lot of your challenges
in the bedroom. So, if you’re a woman who
821.35 has never been able to have an orgasm, masturbation
is going to be the key for you. I have a whole
827.42 course about this called, finishing school.
And if you’re a man who struggles with premature
832.41 ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or delayed
ejaculation, masturbation is also going to
837.86 be key for you. I teach all about this in
my course, The modern man’s guide to conquering
842.279 performance pressure. So you can find information
about both courses in the description box
846.55 down below.
847.829 Number eight is, build sexual tension with
masturbation. We’re big fans of making little
853.22 rules in our sex life by temporarily taking
things off the table or making them forbidden.
858.61 It makes sex feel a lot more uncertain and
exciting. So, how this works with masturbation,
865.529 is you can make a rule that the only sexual
contact you’re allowed to have for one week
870.23 is masturbation only. Or that you can masturbate,
but not to the point of orgasm.
876.13 Or even see like, how many times could you
get yourself right to the edge and stop. Who
880.85 can hold out the longest?
882.45 Yeah. So, imposing these kinds of temporary
restrictions on your sex life is a lot of
886.639 fun, especially when they end.
890.269 So, hopefully these eight suggestions will
help make masturbation so much more comfortable
895.24 and fun for you and your partner, all while
removing the shame and stigma that surrounds
900.63 self-pleasure. At the end of the day, masturbation
is an excellent way to discover your own body
905.57 and sexuality, as well as deepen your connection
with your partner.
908.93 So, that wraps up our guidelines for masturbation,
both alone and in a relationship. If you like
914.37 this video, please give it a like, or better
yet, comment down below if this information
919.18 helped you. We’d love to know what you think
about masturbation in relationships. And please
924.139 make sure to hit that red button below to
subscribe to our YouTube channel. And while
928.16 you’re at it, click the notification icon
so you keep getting these videos.
932.3 And we have a little gift for you too, if
you want to improve your relationship and
935.649 sex life but you don’t know how to get the
conversation going. You’re like, « I do not
939.48 know about talking about masturbation you
guys, » then you’re definitely going to want
942.41 to check out our free guide, How To Start
Talking About Sex With Your Partner Even if
946.81 You Never Have Before. So this guide will
give you word for word examples of how you
951.6 can start talking about sex with ease. The
whole link to the guide will be in the description
956.269 box below. Thanks for watching.
958.04 See you next time. To focus, back to life,
back to focus.
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